In the Dark (MHA/BNHA (x JJK))

Chapter 13: lost

The week passed rather uneventfully. Best Jeanist managed to get Bakugou's hair under control, somehow, but patrols occupied most of our time there.

I learned a lot though, for example how heroes get paid and how they know where to go. This information may prove to be useful if I decide to become a hero for real. But I don't know. I had given up on my dream of starting a revolution and standing up for people's rights to use their quirks freely. In this imperfect world, I guess the current system was the best. And for once I decided to let it be. People had gotten used to this new norm and didn't seem to mind it too much.

I also couldn't ignore the glaring fact that I was a total hypocrite. I had criticised Satorou for trying to control my life, but I was doing the exact same thing. My plan was to literally force people to accept my point of view and considering my tendency to use my powers however I wanted, I would have resorted to brute force, probably. I was so passionate, after all. I would have probably been detained before it even came to that, I realized painfully.

I had also given thought to how I use my powers. I must admit that I wasn't putting my abilities to good use, illegally I mean. I was mostly helping myself, not others. To be fair, I thought that others should help themselves, but some people just don't know how, and ultimately, I'm not responsible for it. Neither is it my fault.

If I were to become a hero, I could help those who can't help themselves. I could serve others with my gift. But I'd have to come to terms with not using my quirk for myself. A realisation hit me: they're not trying to tie quirk users down, but they're trying to keep society as 'normal' as possible. I can't blame them for that.

Because I took pride in my dream, I always thought that I'm superior to others, subconsciously at least. It didn't help that I am from a powerful family. None of us have really restrained ourselves when it came to using our powers, but they don't do it publicly to avoid conflict. That's right, I actually have no idea how much people rely on their quirks when it comes to their home lives. Huh... I really wasn't paying attention to the world around me, I just settled on an image of it that best suited my aspirations of ... fame and recognition, that would come with 'changing the world for the better'. Y/n, you were such a fire-trucking idiot.

"Y/n, you're slow!" Bakugou called for me.

I don't understand his actions completely, but I'm more similar to Bakugou than I realized. Ugh, I even thought that I was better than him for having realized that I'm not the most amazing quirk-wielder sooner. It's just like Best Jeanist said to him, he's powerful, but the way he uses his quirk leaves a lot to be desired. Same could be said about me if our situations are even somewhat comparable.

The reason I'm torn between becoming or not becoming a hero is that the villains seem to be after me. And I don't know about this 'black sheep power' that I possess at all! Why hasn't Gojo mentioned this earlier? Maybe I really don't have it and the League was mistaken? But he basically promised me that I'd become strong soon. Therefore, it must be true. Oh, what do I do?

It was now late in the evening and Jeanist had left the cleaning up to the two of us. I didn't want to say anything and from the looks of it, neither did he.

Until he spoke: "Are you sure you're okay?"

He looked at me. I looked back at him.

"I'm not."