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I don't know where the night goes after that but all I know is that I'm currently sitting on the beach with Christi Turnduck and the horizon is starting to brighten as a new day approaches. As far as I know, everyone else has gone to bed and I'm still awake, catching Christi up on my life. She's an incredible listener and I don't know why I feel so compelled to talk to her.
I tell her everything leading up to the almost wedding, and everything that I did afterward in my spiral of shame and grief of losing two women I loved the most. I admit to her about all the emails, texts, and phone calls from Conrad that I ignore. The only people I talk to are Steven and Laurel now. My father only calls to berate me now on my life choices and how broke he is because of me. After the long, winded story, I sit back and apologize. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to dump all of that on you."
"It's okay," She smiles kindly at me. She's sitting a couple of feet away, legs crossed with her elbow on her knee and her chin resting on top of her hand. "I felt like you needed it."
"I did." I nod, whispering, "I can't exactly talk to Steven about this stuff."
"What about Rosie?" Christi asks. I turn sharply to her, my eyes leaving the shoreline to look at the pretty woman sitting across from me. I don't know what to say so Christi follows it up with a shrug, "She looks like she cares about you. That's all."
I scoff, "We've known each other for less than a month."
"So? What does that matter?" Christi asks, eyebrows furrowing together quizzically. She has a point because I care very much about Rosie too and I don't quite understand why. I just know that I cherish those moments when we're alone and it's quiet, and I don't have to be turned on all the way. I can simply be when I'm around Rosie.
"You Fisher boys are always so blind." Christi shakes her head, chuckling softly to herself. She turns back to me and reminisces, "I remember Belly crying a lot because of you boys but I also remember both of you picking up the pieces and trying to make it better too. You both turned into someone else when she was around Jeremiah... I can't explain it...the way you and Conrad would stare at her, it's like the girl could walk on water or something... anyway, I think you just need to open your eyes and realize there's more to this world than just romantic love."
"What do you mean?"
"It sounds to me like Conrad still loves you and wants to be your brother again. Maybe you should let your family back in so that they can love you." Christi suggests but her idea seems ludicrous to me. She continues, stretching her body out at the same time, "For what it's worth Jeremiah, Belly will always love you. It just won't be in the way you want. I think you are still a star in her sky... you just have to start showing up again and accept that Conrad is her sun now. He might shine brighter than you but he can never diminish your light."
Her words strike me and I'm taken back by them. They were harsh but the blow was low. To relieve some of the tension, I ask Christi, "How are you this good at giving advice?"
She tilts her head back and laughs. "I took a couple of psychology classes and I have had a few heartbreaks over the years. You live and you learn."
Christi yawns and glances at the time on her phone, eyes going wide. "Holy shit! It's almost five a.m. I better get going!"
She stands up, dusting the sand off her legs, "My girlfriend is going to kill me if she has to drive back to the Canadian border alone."
"Girlfriend?" I ask, mouth going dry at the reveal. Christi shrugs it off like it's no big deal.
"Don't worry, it took until I was in college before I realized I was gay."
"Oh thank god, that's such a relief." I chuckle. "For a second I thought it was me."
Christi shakes her head, laughing too. She helps me up and we head towards the beach house. She's staying on the other side of the block where her aunt and uncle still live. "Yeah, you're cooties totally made me gay Jeremiah."
We hug and as she departs, Christi insists I talk more to Rosie. She winks at me when she says Rosie's name and leaves me with more questions than answers. I watch as she leaves before heading into the house but not before ducking into the kitchen to grab a snack and that's where I find her sitting at the island counter, crying, cell phone in hand.
Is this fate trying to tell me something? She hasn't spotted me yet so I can easily dash off and pretend that this never happened but after hearing Christi's voice repeat itself inside of my head, I decide to stay. I clear my throat and Rosie's blonde head shoots up.
Her hands quickly reach up to wipe away the tears and she sniffles, clearing her throat. Rosie's voice is croaky when she speaks, "Oh how long have you been standing there, Jere?"
"Not long," I reply softly and step forward. I shove my hands into the pockets of my hoodie to keep them from trembling. "I-I just got home from the beach..."
Rosie doesn't say anything so I walk towards the fridge thinking it might be easier to talk if I don't have to look directly at her pretty face because it's tearing me up to see her cry. I desperately want to make her feel better but don't know how to.
"How was that?" Her voice is feeble when she asks. I barely hear it over my shuffling of fridge contents to reach the orange juice. I close the fridge and busy myself with grabbing a cup and pouring the juice at a deliberately slow pace to give myself as much time as possible.
"It was really good to catch up with an old... friend? I guess? She was a local who lived here but moved away. She came back to show her girlfriend the house she grew up in."
"Girlfriend?" Rosie chimes, her voice a bit louder now. I nod, finally turning to face the girl that I think I might be in love with but it's too early to tell. And frankly, it freaks me out knowing that at any moment I could screw up again. I find that there's a soft smile toying on her lips.
"Steven said Christi was your first kiss."
I slap my face, groaning, "Great, how does Steve-o know my deepest, darkest secret?"
She doesn't answer because at the same moment, her phone begins to vibrate in her hand. She stares at the screen, flashing a name I can't quite see. Rosie bites her lip and declines the call. Tears spill out of her eyes and down her cheeks again. She quickly wipes them away, trying to hide them.
"Who was that?" I ask quietly. I'm thinking it might be a great time to get to know the woman I've been staying with. She sighs twice, quite heavily, before answering.
"Someone back home in Australia that I shouldn't be talking to."
I can't help but ask, "Did he break your heart?"
I watch as she nods, her eyes filling with tears once again. Softly, she responds, "Yeah he did."
"Well, that makes him the biggest asshole in the world then. I hope he gets stung by the world's deadliest jellyfish."
She gives me a sad, watery smile that's very brief. We don't say much after that. I pour her a glass of orange juice and lead her to the couch where I put on some boring movie from Susannah's black and white VHS collection.
Rosie lays her head down on the opposite of the couch and curls up, her toes grazing my thigh ever so slightly as I settle down on the other side. The simplicity of sharing a couch, fully clothed, is what I can't get enough of and it makes me want Rosie even more.
