SUPERNOVA ⎯ ❪ MARVEL ❫

chapter three ⎯ you are numb

[ LESLIE ]

Leslie walked down more halls than she could count, each one looking exactly the same as the one before it.

Away, she needed to get away.

Out of that room.

Somewhere where we couldn't feel the stress and anger and worry and pain and concern and heartbreak and fear.

A place where each breath didn't feel like being hit with Thor's hammer.

Where the smell of smoke didn't curl in her nostrils and the taste of ash didn't touch her tongue.

Leslie finally slowed to a halt as the lingering grip of the tornado of emotions finally faded. She took a deep gulping breath, sinking down into a crouch. She leaned her head against the wall, closing her eyes as her lungs fought for air.

Shaking. Her hands were shaking-

Leslie clenched them into fists. Every muscle in her body was taut, every instinct screaming at her to run and to fight and to not balk at this challenge. At this flood of things she couldn't control.

Usually, it didn't hit her this hard. She'd learned what each emotion felt like. With them, the family she'd grown to love, she'd learned what pain and loss and horror felt like, both first- and second-hand. Oh, she knew what it was to feel like your very heart was being ripped out. What it was to feel like each breath that left your body was a betrayal because the pain was so terrible that it should have brought death. She knew what it was to think that death would be a mercy, a mercy that would never come, a feeling that would never fade.

Leslie had felt it all.

But Lia, whoever she was, was different.

If the others had been tidal waves, she was a hurricane. A tempest so strong it knocked the breath from her. And yet a tempest that felt so familiar-

You are numb, Leslie told herself as the memory of the loss - the utter, soul-crushing mixture of agony and fear and love - washed over her. You are numb, you are numb, you are numb.

Leslie rubbed her still-shaking fists over her eyes.

She couldn't stand this. Any of it. She couldn't control it. She couldn't master it. She was a slave to this curse that haunted her.

She could feel the moment an ally turned enemy, the moment the knife rose to stab behind them. She could feel the betrayal that might or might not come. A foresight, in a way - nothing like a scryer they had known once upon a time. She could blast glass into tiny pieces and make a man drop dead with a thought.

But it wasn't worth it.

None of it. None of it was worth the helplessness she felt when others felt things.

Years.

It had been years since she'd had her thoughts to herself.

Even now, she could feel the lingering concern that Clint had thrown at her as she hurried out the door.

Trapped.

She was ensnared by it all, tumbling down a rabbit-hole, spinning too fast to comprehend a thing.

And she'd never be free.

She could count down to the hour how long she'd been in this prison, how long she'd been overwhelmed by the sentiments that weren't her own.

More than a decade.

She'd had this power for over a decade and still, still she couldn't control it. At least not well enough to shut it off.

You are numb.

Leslie rose to her feet.

You are numb.

How many times had she walked these halls in an attempt to empty her mind?

You are numb.

How many times had she tried and failed to stop herself from feeling everything?

You are numb.

She felt it all. Too much. It was too much for her to handle.

You are numb.

The words echoed around her head as she walked down more hallways, barely noticing as it began to get warmer, as the colors of the walls changed.

The words echoed as she dragged a sandbag over to a hook.

As she wrapped her hands in cloth.

As she clenched them once again to stop the shaking.

Punch.

You are numb.

Punch.

You are numb.

Punch.

You are numb.

Like a drum, it echoed each strike.

Blow after blow. Jab, strike, kick.

You are numb.

Still, it echoed.

You are numb, you are numb, you are numb.

The feelings still lingered. She'd never get rid of them, not until the day her heart stopped beating and her fists stilled for the last time.

Still, it lingered.

Not just the usual feelings, but whatever this new anomaly - whatever Lia had thrown at her - lingered.

Even when the odor of sweat and the unmistakable coppery scent of blood filled the air, it lingered.

The wisps of smoke curling in her nose, and the taste of ash on her lips.

A/N

I'm starting a "Hugs For My Characters" bank, if you'd like to donate :). 

I know it's been forever but enjoy this chapter! I really love writing from Leslie's POV, even if she's in pain because her powers give her such an interesting perspective. Later you'll see her feeling everything that everyone else feels, which will be INTERESTING.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's been in my drafts for a long long time. Let me know what you thought!