falling, fallen

fate gives second chances

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

Lance continued to hide his head in his arms. He could only stare at the clear, starry sky before him, breathing heavily.

" I really did it. I kissed Keith. I've officially gone crazy."

Lance loosened his cradle position to touch the juniberry in front of him. Gently, he caressed the stem and plucked it from the ground. He took a small sniff of the flower and instantly felt his chest tighten. It smelled just like her. Soft, yet sweet. Before he knew it, he felt tears prickling his eyes.

"Allura. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

His tears ran free, and he didn't try to stop them. He looked at the sky through blurry vision, hoping she could hear him from wherever she was in that big, vast sky.

"I feel so lost and confused! You had to play the hero and leave after finding someone I thought I would spend my life with. I wanted to be selfish and tell you no. Screw the universe and stay with us; to stay with me. We've already sacrificed much of our lives and the people we love. You lost everything you've ever known in one moment."

"I-I wanted to try to be your new everything! But I knew you would never be able to live with yourself if you knew you could've saved the world. You knew what it was like to lose the things you love forever and didn't want that to happen to the rest of the universe. Because of you, everyone got a second chance to be with their loved ones. Yet after all that you sacrificed and lost along the way, the universe thought you had more to give. And I-i can't help but think -"

He felt his throat tighten painfully, dancing on the lines between hysteria, pent-up grief, and anger. Maybe it was all of the above.

"It's all my fault. I try again, and again, and AGAIN, and I can't seem to help or be useful to anyone. People are always saving me and helping ME. If only we found a way to stop Honerva sooner."

His lungs burned, and his head hurt, but panic attacks were his new normal.

Ever since she left. 

Maybe...

"....Or maybe it should've been me? I just feel so..... broken."

The waves crashed on the shore, the same ocean they both used to look at when she was alive.

"The one thing you wanted was to be loved and to have a family to return to. I don't want you to be forgotten. I've done a lot of looking back and thinking about the team. Well, Keith, to be more specific. I think-" He sucks in his breath. 

Despite all the pain we felt when you left, the grief was so overbearing it could suffocate me. The heartache that I thought would burn me forever, losing you... My friend,

my old lover... I still kissed him.

Could I? Do I...

"I might have feelings for him, but I don't know if I can love him or if I should. Am I moving on too fast? Doesn't that make me a terrible person? It's been almost a year since you've been gone. Shouldn't I still be grieving and heartbroken over you? Do I...deserve to be happy with him?"

The wind whistled gently, carrying the haunting scent of juniberries he used to love so much.

"These past few months have been hard, but Keith never left my side. He always checked in on me to say good morning and goodnight. He always ensured I ate on time and made me food, even though he's a terrible cook. I've even started noticing things about him that I never saw before. He makes this 'emo boy' face when he's super worried." With how much he always grouches, Pidge says his face will get stuck like that one day. He may seem like an unapproachable, grumpy guy. Still, he is pretty fun to tease cause he gets flustered so easily. His eyes have this pretty dark, almost purple hue when you look into them. You can't help but feel like... you're floating in a sky full of stars."