𝐀𝐎𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒 | attack on titan

LEVI X READER | miss world

TRIGGER WARNING! Alcoholism!
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You fell into the chair behind your desk. Hands, quickly, rummaging through the open draws for another drink. This expedition had been one of the worst: such a high number of causalities. Cold and solid was the touch of the glass bottle you had found, without even checking the label you tossed your head back and began to drink. Drink? No, chug. You knew what was about to come next and you didn't want to remember it in the morning.

There was a series of heavy knocks at your office door. Becoming squad leader came with some perks, (your own private office) as well as many downsides. For instance, now becoming responsible for other soldiers, most were fresh-faced cadets as young as seventeen, becoming responsible for their deaths.

"Name and business." You called out. Setting down the bottle on your desk; your drinking problem had become common knowledge throughout the scouts.

Personally, you wouldn't describe it as a problem, but more as a coping mechanism. Mental health was something the scouts chose to ignore and keep to theirselves. Everyone has their preferred method of coping. Just was just a little more obvious then the rest.

The person at your door didn't wait for your permission, instead just barged in through the door.

"What the fuck was that y/n?" Captain Levi made sure to slam the door behind himself.

You didn't bother to look him in the eyes. "Today's already been stressful enough. Surely this can wait until tomorrow?" Eyes filled with fake boredom, as you stared the captain down.

In reality, you were terrified. His thin eyebrows sloped downwards; settling atop a harsh, fixed glare pointed in your directions. Large hands balled into shaking fists. Levi's chest unsteadily rose with angry ants.

He looked so... cold. Far gone was any last drops of remorse or patience he had left for her. She had fucked up this time. Everyone knew it. He knew it. For once, even she knew it.

You slummed back into your chair. The beams on the ceiling began to swirl and twirl into a mess of brown and beige.

"You better not be drunk right now, or so help me." Levi scoffed, walking closer towards your desk.

"No." You smirked. You didn't need a shovel to dig yourself any digger, you were naturally talented at it.

SMASH!

The bottle on your desk flew against the wall beside you. Levi stood leaning over your desk. The final licks of vodka dripped down the wall, staining the white paint a light grey.

You felt silly for jumping. Yet, you couldn't help pushing yourself further back into your chair to gain even a few centimetres further from Levi.

"Don't you dare fucking lie to me again." He spoke through gritted teeth.

You sighed. "What else did you expect from me? "

Levi laughed. The ironic hollowness of his chuckles, which seemed to bounce of the walls and cage you in. "You didn't become squad leader because you were good at getting your squad and everyone else killed, l/n."

"That's not what i said."

Levi signed. "No, but it is still the truth. "

"How the fuck do you think i managed to get my hands on all of this stuff?" Your eyes locked with his in a harsh glare. "Mike and Hanji got me most of it. If this was such a big problem, why was. Hanji still buying alcohol for me earlier today?"

Levi turned away. "It's not their job to parent you. You should know your own limits."

"That's beside the point--

"No, thats exactly the point." Levi practically snarled. "Do you know how many people died today because of you?"

It was your turn to look away. "Levi, don't-

Levi reached over your desk. Grabbing your chin, he forced you to look him in the eyes and to sit up. His tight grip made you wince. "No, you are going to listen to me. 17 direct deaths due to you and a further 23 injuries."

Your heart, rightfully, felt heavy. "Levi-

"It's captain."

You pushed his hand off of your face. "Respectfully, captain, please leave."

Levi said nothing. He remained where he was. "You need serious help."

"Since when did you become a therapist?" You laughed bitterly. "I'll talk about my feelings, when you finally talk about yours."

"We're not talking about me." Snapped Levi.

The room fell silent. Levi was your closest friend. At time it felt like, perhaps, you were or at least could've been more than friends...

You laughed sadly, slinking back into your chair. "This isn't exactly a fun and happy lifestyle, is it?" Gesturing to the room around you, as you spoke.

"No one forced you to join the survey corps l/n."

He had calmed down now, but there was still a unperceived distance between the two of you. You were a mix-mash of conflicting emotions. Sad, angry, regretful.

"Why now are you trying to help me?" You asked. "Its not your job to parent me? Isn't it not?"

Levi signed. "As much as i hate to say it, you are my friend."

"But why now?"

Levi didn't say anything. He looked away. Jaw tensed and hands repeatedly balling and unballing at his sides.

"Why couldn't you of done this when I wanted the help?" You felt pathetic for crying in front of him. Your face fell flat, as you ignored the small tears which began to trickle down your cheeks.

He said the most unexpected thing you could ever of imagined.

"I'm sorry." Levi used a hand to push back his hair.

In a very small voice, you uttered. "I don't think I could ever stop drinking now."

Levi extended his arm towards you. In between his thumb and pointer finger was a neatly folded napkin.

"Thanks." You felt awkward now. Dabbing away at your tears like a child.

No one said anything. It quickly became a suffocating awkward silence eating away at you. Neither of you had anything else to say. So why did Levi still linger?

You knew Levi pretty well. Maybe even better than Mike or Hanji, or even Erwin. He didn't linger unless he had a reason to. Some thought left unsaid...

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"The real reason I came here today was to inform you that we're letting you go."

Your head snapped up. "I- what?"

"Erwin sent me. You're too much of a liability. You have the rest of the day to pack your things."

You sat there. Silent.

Levi turned towards the door. "I am sorry y/n, we just can't have that type of risk on increasingly important expedition."

He hesitated on the door handle. "I really am sorry." Then walked away.

A/n: I feel like this was kinda rushed cos I just wanted to get something out for you guys😭😭
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