I can see you | ~L.S.

where are you?

I got woken up by louis kissing my shoulders.
I open my eyes looking at him dressed perfectly, a black suit. he's laying next to me smiling when it hit me.

he has to work again, dressed to meet his next client and me in boxers with the blanket wrapped around me.
"morning" I hear him say when I feel his lips pressed against my cheek for a way too long way. I pulled away look at him with one raised eyebrow.

"you go to work?" I ask him still looking not surprised and sad.
"I'm sorry baby, I told you I have to work again. I mean I need to earn money. so we can live a perfect life" he said what makes me smile, he's planning his future with me together. he wants to live with me maybe get kids, just enjoying our life.

I lean in to give him a short kiss on his lips and stands up afterwards. we make our way downstairs when he puts his shoes on and I'm watching him, my arms locked with each other.
"don't look at me that strength" he says smiling getting up and wrapping his arm around my hip so he can kiss me one last time.

"please, come back" I whisper when I look at him making his way into our car smiling and waving at me. I wave back when he drives away and I close the door. being on my own again. I'd lie if I say I'm not scared that he doesn't come back. but on some point I have to trust him, and what we experienced yesterday was so much more than just sex. it was love and we both knew that even when he didn't said it back.

suddenly it makes me sad again to think about it. I said I love him but he didn't say it back. all I can do today is to hope that he'll come back and I won't be all on my own again. I make my way into the kitchen to make some tea which I definitely need right now.

when I finished drinking my tea, I make my way to the living room. It's so cold outside that I even start freezing inside. I take a blanket and lay down on the couch. I turn the TV on and go straight to netflix, I decided to watch my favorite movie the notebook. I watched it so many times but I can't stop loving it.

before I put it on, I make myself towards the windows to close the curtains and get some candles so it's comfy. I go back to wrap myself in the blanket and make myself comfortable. I start watching the movie when I can feel myself falling asleep at the half time.

"I don't want to think about you but I find myself thinking about you all the time. you're probably with someone else right now, you forgot about me. forgot our wonderful time, forgot how happy I was.
were you happy? did you felt the same, the same I feel for you. did your heart skipped too, did it skip when you saw me? like it does when I see you? you felt the butterflies too? this beautiful feelings every time I kissed you, did you feel that powerful feelings? did you felt like home? probably not you left, you searched for another home but for me you'll always stay my home.
I love you the deepest and I'd love to hate you! but that's not possible, you're gone and forgotten.
but you'll always stay in my heart and I will always love you. no matter, how often you tell me to shut up or leave you alone. I can't stop loving you, I'm sorry for that for everything apart from finding my home in you"

I was saying it in the darkness, thinking about him. hoping he'd hear me even tho he's miles away. It hurts me all the time I look at the corner seeing the roses I bought for our perfect dinner, they're withered. our love was used to be red, going white in a little while.

but you made it grey and brown just with one clap. I still see me sitting there waiting for you to come back, I can see your smile when you see what I did for you. but I also see you sitting in your plane seat looking outside, maybe thinking about me sitting on the table smiling and waiting. or you already thought about something else or someone else. I don't even want to know.

I woke up, sweating. I just saw myself sitting in my room after he left me the first time. I tried to calm my breathing I stood up and make my way towards the curtains. I feel asleep, had a miserable dream and now when I push the curtains away I can see the sunset. the sun is leaving, like he did many hours before. but he should be back already.