Wishes

8: Hyung

// TW: suicide //

The last time he had been at the cemetery, he was mourning for only one of his fallen comrades. Since then, one had become three. Gazing at the no-name tombstone painfully, he let his head droop down and thought of the men he had failed to save. Eung-cheol who admired him, bestowing his absolute trust to him. Gyeok-chan who, despite his impulsiveness and bullheadedness, had in his own sense tried to do right by his country. He had been so hopeful when he watched the van pass the checkpoint. It had seemed impossible that just for a few moments, he had felt at peace.

He laughed half-heartedly and kneeled down. "I hope you guys are doing well in this life. I hope you get to live without having to think about things like country or revolution or missions. If we meet again, let's have the drink, shall we?"

Reluctantly he stood and began to walk away, struggling to keep his feelings at bay. His head lifted as he heard footsteps approach and froze when he saw Kang-mu with a pair of white tulips in his hand.

"Lim Soo-ho?" he uttered in disbelief. Signs of aging lined the sides of his mouth and crinkled his eyes, but without a doubt, this was the former ANSP team leader with whom he collaborated many years ago.

He nodded and smiled ruefully. "Hyung."

"But you–"

"Died? I did. But, now I'm here," he interjected. His gaze grew hazy for a moment and Kang-mu could tell he had momentarily dazed off. "So is Young-ro."

Kang-mu was frozen, unable to fathom that this man shared the same face of the spy he had chased into Hosu Women's University. Taedong River 1. Lim Soo-ho. Ri Tae-san. The guilt was apparent from his expression as he averted his gaze to his flowers.

"So you know about her."

"I do."

For a moment he was silent before turning around without a second glance. "Follow me."

Kang-mu led him to the corner of the cemetery, shaded from the sun by two interlocked cherry blossom trees. The branches intertwined and created a light shower of flower petals as the breeze fluttered them to the dewy grass. Underneath the canopy of branches lay two tombstones which were free of debris–clearly they had been carefully maintained.

On one was the name Eun Young-ro. On the other, Lim Soo-ho.

Between the two stones, upon the grass, was a framed picture of them at the Open House. To anyone passing by, the full tragedy of their lives could never be comprehended. To anyone passing by, they were ordinary people. Even for just a fleeting moment.

"Han-na and I had this set up after all that happened. It was only right for all that you've done."

Soo-ho smiled wistfully. "Is she still your fiancee?" he teased.

"Oh no, she'd kill me herself if she still was. We're married, with a child at that. Time passes by so quickly... he's already twenty."

He watched Kang-mu fondly gaze at the united trees. "What's his name?"

"Lee Soo-ho."

A wave of emotion passed over him and he patted the older man's shoulder.

"Thank you, hyung."

Kang-mu laughed it off and shook his head. "I should be thanking you, kid. But, if my son discovers that I've named him after a North Korean spy, I think I might be in some trouble."

"Then say you named him after a friend. A friend you've been acquainted with in Germany."

He raised a brow. "I would hardly call me chasing you to my near death an acquaintanceship, Soo-ho."

"Then, what would you call that man who saved you from those German gangsters? Still not an acquaintance?"

Startled, the man eyed him in shock. "How do you know–hell, were you the one who saved me?"

Soo-ho merely smiled.

"Ah, seriously. What more have you done to help me that I don't know about? To think I wanted to kill you at one point..."

"It's all over now, so you don't have to worry about that," he replied, kicking the grass with his foot. "The ANSP is gone, so what do you do now?"

"I'm a criminal defense lawyer. After all that's happened, I couldn't stand being a government official anymore."

After all that's happened. How could they even put their experience into words? The bloodshed, heartache, and exhaustion of those days were insurmountable. Impossible to describe. Almost like a bad dream.

"Now, that's enough of me, what do you do? Are you studying? Is it not a fake cover-up this time?"

He laughed. "I work at a convenience store. I never got the chance to go to school. Couldn't afford it."

"Oh," he uttered, frowning. "And you mentioned Eun Young-ro earlier? How is she?"

"She's Choi Young-ro now," he explained, not realizing the soft smile that grew upon his face. "She's a theatre major, I just saw her in her play. She's amazing."

"I'm glad you two finally got your chance. It's about time life has given you something right."

His smile faltered. "Yeah... about time."

Kang-mu could tell he had said something wrong but did not pry. They remained silent for a while, admiring the tranquility of their corner of the cemetery.

"Hyung," he finally spoke. "What happened to Young-ro? After I died?"

The man did not meet his gaze. "I was afraid you'd ask that. And I'm afraid to tell you that I know as much as you. We monitored her as best as we can after everything until one day she left a letter telling all her friends at the dorm that she missed them. She disappeared and we had thought she had left to start anew, but then we found out that she died right after. We don't know the exact details, unfortunately. Perhaps someone at Hosu knows?"

"Her roommates didn't know anything either. It's all so strange–how does no one know what happened to her? Do you think she..."

"Killed herself? It's not unlikely that she did, the poor girl had been through so much. Her brother, her father, and then you. I don't know how she could've handled it. But if you truly want to know, I suggest going to Hosu and looking for Kye Bun-ok. She might know something. She did makeup with Young-ro at the end, after all."

"Thank you, hyung, I really appreciate it."

Kang-mu shook his head in humility and laid the flowers upon the tombstones. Reaching into his pocket, he retrieved a white, gold-lettered business card and handed it to him.

"Here, contact me if you need anything, I'd be more than willing to help," he offered. "Will you stay here for a while?"

"Yes, I think so. I have a lot to think about."

He smiled and patted his shoulder. "Don't think too much. I'll see you soon."

Soo-ho watched his figure amble away and despite the many years, he maintained a powerful, authoritative gait that only hinted at his previous occupation. Just as he was about to exit, a woman appeared holding a black umbrella. It was neither raining nor sunny. Could it be Jang Han-na?

After exchanging a few words, Kang-mu gave a troubled glance at him and then walked away.

The woman followed shortly after.