Lifeless

Sia!

Sana: sighed….do you love her?
Sid: nodded….i do….and I wish I could love her more
Sana despite of being scared from the truth he was about to reveal questioned further
Sana: naam kya tha uska?
Sid: gulped his saliva down…..Sia!!
Sid: there was a point in my life when I had everything! Money, success, fame…..all I was lacking was a reason…..a reason to live! And maybe that night God decided to grant me one!
I was a mess at that time. My relationship with my parents my childhood my hardships just made me that way! I realized that no therapy no medicine no science can help reduce my frustration and with all these realizations I was walking on the street aimlessly and then a nearby church grabbed my attention! I stood in front of it and was just silently staring at the building! I could’ve easily walked away but I couldn’t move. It felt like as if this place could help me…as if this place will help me make peace with all my sorrows! But I couldn’t go inside….i don’t know I just couldn’t so I just sat on the stairs of that church and suddenly broke down into tears! I don’t know what happened to me as if that place just made me vulnerable and I was so tired and disappointed in life that I couldn’t stop myself! And then I heard a voice
“its better if you cry inside!”
Sid: (with a smile on his face) there she was….Sia….my Sia!
Sana felt a sunken feeling but stood strong and continued listening to him!
Sid: I was so confused at her words and stared at her for a while
Sia: confused right? See if you’ll cry inside toh God ko thora aur ache se emotional blackmail kr paoge and aapka kaam jaldi hojayega! Trust me I have tried it! It works!
Sid: chuckled….i was speechless….still trying to process her weird explanation and before I could do anything she held my hand and took me inside and I couldn’t say no!
She taught me everything! She lit the candles for us and made me kneel….folding my hands and teaching me about prayers and how miraculously they work! It was so strange that I was a mess a while ago and now I was silently following a girl who came from nowhere and was completely unknown to me!
For a while there was complete silence between the two of them! Sidharth was lost in his sweet memories and Sana was sadly but bravely looking in his dull empty eyes!
Sana: tum theek ho?
Sid: (looked at her with an assuring smile) yeah its just aaj bht waqt baad uske bare me baat kr raha hun. Uski yaadein dafan kr di thi maine kabhi kisiko uske bare me nahi bataya but aaj aisa lag raha hai k bolta jaun uski har yaad har baat tumse share krta jaun
Sana: smiled…..toh kaho na…..mai sunna chahti hun!
He nodded with a smile
He held her hand and and they walked to the store in the backyard. He stood in front of that cupboard in the corner and paused for while….Sana kept her hand on his shoulder giving him courage to face his past! As soon as he opened the cupboard the sight in front of her left her confused. A good amount of clothes were hanging in there…..mostly frocks and Tees. Some hair accessories and big teddy bear was placed in the corner too. Sana kept looking at the things…..the cupboard had everything a little girl would have which confused Sana about Sia! Before she could ask anything she saw Sidharth taking all the stuff out….sat on the floor and was just gently touching each and every thing as if everything had a memory attached to it! Sana sat beside him
Sana: yeh sab saman Sia ka hai?
Sid: nodded…..you are amazed too right? (chuckled) she was a drama queen…..imagine an 8 year old being obsessed with shopping like some grown up woman!
His words left her shocked! She was unable to process what he was telling her…..she thought of Sia as someone else…..much different that what he was telling her and amid this confusion Sana noticed a photo frame kept in the corner. She picked it up and saw Sidharth pecking a cute little girl’s cheek who was giving the brightest smile ever!
Sid: isn’t she perfect? (with moist eyes)
Sana looked at him and sighed while nodding her head
Sid: it was her birthday! She was so happy she was crazy about birthdays especially uske apne birthday k liye (chuckled) yeh picture lete huye bhi usne mujhe sara pose samjhaya tha k wohh mere lap me baithegi and hum ek suttle si smile denge but in intentionally kissed her to make her tickle and she laughed her heart out!
Sana smiled at him while he was sharing his memories
Sid: and look at these (taking out a big pile of DVDs from the cupboard) she was a big SRK fan! Hum har weekend uski movies dekhte thay. Kal ho na ho toh mujhe by heart yaad hogai thi!
Both chuckled
Sana: uske parents?
Sid: she was an orphan! She lived in Sain’t Andrew’s Convent. Usi convent k church me hi toh pehli baar mila tha usse. Us raat church me sirf itna manga k mere dil ko sukoon aajaye chaahe wohh sukoon maut k zariye hi aajaye!
His words made Sana hold his hand firmer and he just gave her weak assuring smile!
Sid: after we were done with our prayers we walked to her convent! At first she was like I can go by myself and showing me all that strong independent girl attitude and all I said in my mind was “shutup and walk”
Sana: clicking her tongue……Sidharth!
Sid: aur kya yar ab mai itni si bachi ko kya akele jane deta? Wohh bhi itni raat ko
Sana: chuckled…..phr kya hua?
Sid: then she asked me a question
Sia: tum ro q rahe thay?
Sid: tum?? Mai bara hun tumse!
Sia: but friends me bara chota nahi hota sab equal hota hai!
Sid: hum friends kab bane?
Sia: jab maine tumhe prayer krna sikhaya! You see mai Jesus ko toh apne friends k saath bhi share nahi krti
Sid: oh….i am honored ma’am
Sia: giggled…..ok now tell na why were you crying?
Sid: nothing…..I was just feeling a bit heavy
Sia: ohhh…….larki chorr k gai kya?
Sid: tumhe nahi lagta tum apni age k haisab se kaafi bari batein krti ho?
Sia: huhh…..tell me something I don’t know!
Sid: huhh?
Sia: I mean tum pehle nahi ho jisne mujhse yeh kaha hai
Sid: oh I see..
Sia: yeah I mean mai dikhne and age me choti hun but my IQ is much better than some grown ups!
Sid: oh really?
Sia: yeah I mean I am good at studies, dancing and sports too wohh mujhe team me lete nahi hein wrna toh mai relay race me sabko beat kr dun (smirking)
Sid: team me q nahi lete?
Sia: Sister Bethany kehti hein k mai abhi choti hun isliye but I know mujhe wohh Eb…Ebs…Ebstein Annomaly! Han mujhe Ebstein Anomaly hai!
Sid paused and stared at her for a while
Sia: and before you stare at me like a clueless person….mai lamen language me explain krti hun…..there is a defect in my heart by birth which is complicated and which has made my heart really weak! Doctor says I can die too!
Sid: her words just pushed my heart in a sunken feeling…..it was so strange I barely knew her but aisa feel hua jaise mera koi apna takleef me hai! maybe an innocent child talking about her death in front of me just moved the human left in me! And I don’t know why but I just gave her a really firm hug!
After that night I used to visit her everyday. Ghanto usse batein krta tha aur us chatter box ki batein sunta tha (chuckles) Uski education uski treatment uski har khwahish ko maine apni zimedari samajh lia! Roz subah usko church le kr jata tha (chuckles) wohh kehti thi k wohh Jesus ko makhan laga rahi hai taake wohh uski life extend kr den!
His face was gripped by sadness and guilt! She noticed every bit of it and to bring her out of it she took him in a warm hug and gently rubbed his back.
Sana: you can talk about her as much as you want….mai sun rahi hun
A lone tear rolled down his face and he quickly wept it off!
Sid: ek din school me uski tabiyat bht kharab hogai and that was the day when I decided that I will keep her close to me finally I brought her home! I didn’t want her to be away from me anymore. She too was a darling usne aate hi jaise sab k dil me apni jagah bana li thi. Amma Mithu uncle everyone just treated her like a princess and mai…..mai usko apni bachi ki tarah chahne laga! She made me realize that I can actually feel like a parent! The parent’s love and affection I missed all my life….wohh sab mai Sia pr luta dena chahta tha! Sab decide kr lia tha maine k uska treatment karaunga usko bilkul theek kr dunga usko khoob parhaunga uska career uski shadi har cheez plan kr li thi maine! Amma mazaq me kehti thi k tu pehla baap hoga jo beti k saath dahej me jayega
Both of them chuckled
Sid: tumhe pata hai Sana….therapies, counselling, medicines ya koi doctor wohh na kr saka jo Sia ne kuch mahinon me kr dikhaya! Mai uska baap uska dost uska sab kuch banna chahta tha but usse pehle she became my everything! She loved me like a daughter pampered me like a mother and sometimes scolded me like a strict teacher!
Sana smiled while he was narrating those innocent memories!
Pata hai mai usse masti krta tha k jab mai tujhe officially adopt kr lunga toh mai tera legal father honga and tab tu mujhe Paa bulana…..cool sound karega and she was like no way mai toh tab bhi aapko Sidharth hi bolungi wohh zyada cool sound karega (they chuckled) mai bht hasta tha uski aisi baton pr! She just brought me to peace as if ab dunya ki batein affect nahi karengi mujhe as if approval by this so called society won’t be a thing for me anymore q k ab mere paas ek reason tha ek purpose tha meri Sia thi! Lekin hamesha ki tarah rishton k mamle me I failed!
Suddenly his face which was reflecting some sweet innocent memories turned pale filling up with endless sorrows!
Sana: say it Sidharth…..free yourself!
Ek saal ki mehnat and research k baad finally the doctors were able to find a cure and thankfully we were able to get to the list of suitable candidates. Everything was sorted….the doctors gave us a 70% chance of survival which was more than enough for me to be hopeful for my child! Everyone was praying for Sia’s health and Sia……she was so happy! Usne toh sare plans bana liye thay k surgery k baad hum dono Disney land jayenge…northern areas ghoomenge and what not!
Then just a week before her surgery mujhe ek urgent conference attend krni parr gai which was out of the city! Trust me Sana mai jana nahi chahta tha mai ek lamhe k liye bhi Sia ko akele nahi chorna chahta tha but she was so stubborn and usne mujhse promise kia tha k wohh apna khayal rakhegi but she didn’t….jhoot bola usne (his voice cracking and tears rolled down his face)
Sana quickly held him to calm him down while he continued
Sid: doctors strictly advised her to rest and that avoid any kind of activity that could put her heart at exertion but mere peeche she went to her friend’s birthday party. She was a fan of dancing and that’s what she did at that party! I am sure usne bht enjoy kia hoga but uski haalat bht kharab hogai! Her heart couldn’t bear it! She was rushed to the hospital! Jab mujhe pata chala mere pairon k neeche se zameen nikal gai! I flew down as soon as possible! 24 hours….that’s it! Sirf 24 hours k liye door gaya tha mai usse and I kept pacifying my heart for that period k mai use kuch nahi hone dunga k mai use bacha lunga! Lekin jab mai wahan phncha toh mujhe meri himmat tootti hui mehsoos hui! Meri bachi mere samne bejaan pari thi! She was on a ventilator….her little fingers her toes her lips and nose…..everything was turning blue! She saw me and smiled aur pata hai usne mujhse kya kaha
“save me Paa”
That was the first time jab usne mujhe baap ka darja dia and that was the last time I ever heard her voice!
Sana’s heart was pounding terribly and her eyes were constantly shedding tears but she gathered herself and kept listening to him!
Sid: doctors ne do option diye! Ya toh hum Sia ko isi tarah vent machine pr takleef me rakhen jab tak wohh stable na hojaye ya phr usi waqt surgery perform karen! Agr surgery successful hui toh Sia hamesha k liye us takleef se azaad ho jati……maine sirf yehi socha (he turned towards Sana holding her hands) mera dil janta hai Sana maine wohh faisla kaise aur q lia! Pichle ek saal se mai apni bachi ko takleef me dekh raha tha aur pichle ek saal se uske saath us beemari ko jhel raha tha lekin phr us raat us waqt shayad meri himmat khatam hogai aur maine faisla kr lia k wohh ab aur is takleef me nahi rahegi and that I will erase her pain then and there! I opted for surgery! Though the doctors already told me how risky it was lekin main nahi mana!
His lips were shaking and his tears were constantly dripping on them when he uttered
“aur phr takleef k saath saath meri Sia bhi khatam hogai!”

Author's Note: Hello my lovely readers💙 hope you all are happy and healthy💛 how was the chapter? Do let me know through your votes and comments❤️

Love Madhu🤍