All I Have to Give

Chapter Three: Void

(A/N): The song Jerry listens to at the beginning of this chapter is called Backseat by Nicholas Podany.

WARNING!: This chapter contains implied/referenced past rape/non-con. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Jerry sighed contently, leaning back in his seat. He had been driving for about ten hours now, and it was probably the calmest he'd ever felt in a really long time.

Music poured from the speakers in his car, filling the quiet with a gentle voice that mixed with a piano. Jerry sang along with the artist, taking some comfort in the fact that he was free of judging faces or complaints about how annoying it was to listen to him sing.

He found the last one to be particularly funny, considering how often Morty and Summer had enjoyed his lullabies when they were younger. Some part of him wondered if they still would enjoy them.

Probably not.

They'd more than likely tell him how much of a loser he is or that they weren't babies anymore.

It wasn't exactly cool to like your parents at their age, he reminded himself, and yet both of his children idolized their grandfather; a man who had just about as much of a job as Jerry did, with the exact same drinking problem as his own daughter.

Rick wasn't even cool. He never was. Sure, he did some pretty amazing things that Jerry would never be able to do in a million years, and, yeah, maybe he was just a little jealous that his family preferred Rick's company over his, but...

What's good about company, if the person you're with doesn't even care about you?

"You doing okay, pal?"

Jerry grimaced at the memory, trying to keep his focus on the music. Rick hadn't asked out of his own concern. He only asked because someone else in the family (probably Morty) was just mildly concerned about him.

That was it.

That had to be it.

"Seems like all the lives I've wanted belong to someone else, and my head is filled with strangers I confuse with myself..." Jerry's voice trailed off as he became more aware of the lyrics being sung, filling his mind with so much nostalgia, a distant memory of his little kids running through the front yard sprinklers, while he planted flowers in his garden, listening to their excited giggling and shouting. Beth would be there too, sitting on the porch steps, reading a novel that he was almost positive had at least something to do with horses.

He couldn't help but smile sadly.

God, Rick was right. He really was depressing, wasn't he?

+

As Jerry pulled into his parents driveway, his mom was already half-way down the porch steps with an excited smile on her face, "There's my onliest son!" Joyce called as she walked around the car to the driver's side door.

"Hi, mom," Jerry greeted, immediately being pulled into a tight embrace as he stepped out of the vehicle. He carefully returned the hug, glancing around awkwardly, "Where's dad and, uh...?"

It was still odd to think about Jacob's relationship with his parents. Especially with how needlessly detailed Leonard had described it during Christmas dinner. Jerry fought back a cringe at the memory, silently reminding himself that he should, at the very least, try to get along with Jacob during his stay.

"They're at the store," she replied, pulling away from him and moving her hands to cup his face, worried eyes taking in every little feature, thumbs tracing along the bags just under his eyes, "You look tired. Have you been eating enough?"