dreams to reality

4.

We have 10 minutes before the bus arrives to take us to the training centre. I've been up for hours, I feel great and it's quite unusual. I feel so proud of myself for once, I'm so happy within my self and I can't wait until training today.

When we arrive at the training centre I get myself some lunch before replying to a few messages. I phoned my mum since she hadn't text me since before Barcelona. I messaged her a few times throughout the week but got no reply. I went into the side room. "Hi mum" I say relieved, "hello honey, how are you?" She says not sounding the same. "I'm okay mum, what about you? You haven't replied to any of my texts" I say disappointed. "I know I'm so sorry" she says, "your sorry? Mum do you even know what's happened these past few days?" I reply slightly angry. "...no, not quite. I know you went to Barcelona." She says and I scoff. "What for?", "a holiday of course" she reply's with a lot of confidence. Tears fill my eyes, "I can't believe you mum, I went with arsenal woman. I scored a goal against Barcelona, I met the most amazing person, well I've known her for a while but I just opened my eyes, I played against Chelsea and had the best game ever. Mum do you even know about any of that?" I say crying my eyes out. "I'm so so sorry, I have been really... busy" she says with a pause, "doing what?" I ask. "I can't tell you, it's too hard" she says as her voice cracks, "mum please just tell me" I say pleading.

"I have cancer"

When she tells me I feel my heart rip out of me, I drop to my knees. I can't loose another parent. "I- I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to shout at you earlier." I say in tears, "it's okay honey I understand but please don't worry, we'll fight so hard to beat it. I swear we'll be fine, don't worry". She's always calmed me down, after every match, every problem In my life. She's one call away. We talk for a little until I have to go for a recovery training.

My emotions are all over the place at the moment, I wasn't in the right mindset to train but I had to get it over with. I eventually emerge from the room I've been in for the past 10 minutes. "Hello Stranger" Katie says as I return to the table. She notices that I don't reply and has a concerned look on her face. "Are you okay?" She asks, I feel like I could break into millions of pieces. I go to reply but tears fall from my eyes, Katie rushes over to me and holds me. "It's okay, hey I'm here" she says trying to calm me down. At this point I'm sure everyone was staring at me, I dug my head into her shoulder. She leads me away, funnily enough we went back into the room I came out of.

"You can talk to me. I'll always be a shoulder to cry on, like literally a shoulder to cry on" she says making us both laugh. I control my sobs and begin to tell her, "my mum just told me she had cancer". "I'm so sorry Bella. I had no idea." Katie says giving me another hug, "it'll be okay I promise, we'll get you through this" she says trying to comfort me.

Time skip

After training we done recover stuff and left. I received a lot of sad looks during training, I had to tell them since they did see me burst into tears. When I got home I decided play my drums and piano. I let my anger out playing drums and then the piano calms me down. It's a great mix to be fair.

I lost track of time and got the urge to go to the hospital to see my mum. She is at the opposite side of London so I knew it would take a while. I packed a few things and then began the journey.

"Hi mum" I say knocking on the door. "hi baby" she says looking so fragile. "I've missed you so much" I say before sitting down beside her, holding her hand.

We talk for roughly an hour and I can tell she's tired, "you should get some sleep mum, you need to rest" I say giving her a cover. "It's fine, I'm not tired. So this person you've known all along?" She asks with a wink, she never fails to make me laugh. "Oh right, well I guess you aren't gonna let me off with this one" I say before continuing, "well umm you know her, it's Leah. Leah Williamson." My mums eyes widen, I get nervous for her reaction. "Awh Leah is so sweet, so honey do you... you know like her?" She says raising her eyebrow, "I don't know yet mum. She's so amazing, beautiful, funny and I can talk to her forever." I say looking down "you can't help what you feel" she says which made me think. We stay in silence for a while until I realise she had fallen asleep, I laugh before tucking her in. I get a chair and a cover before drifting off alongside my mums hospital bed.

Little did I know that this was the daily routine for the next few days to come. Train, eat, visit my mum, tell her about my day, see her getting worse, sleep alongside her bed. I saw the pain in her eyes, it broke me. Every time I see her I feel like I break into millions of pieces.

Before I knew it, it was game day against reading. We're in a comfortable position in the league right now so there wasn't a lot of pressure on us. I mean every game you want to win, but with everything that's went on I feel like I need a win, everything has been losses this week.

It was 8am and I have to be at the training centre in 45 minutes so we can catch the bus to meadow park. I get changed into my tack suit and make myself breakfast before leaving.

When I arrive I'm greeted by a few arsenal fans. I stop and roll down my window, they both say hi in a very shy voice which reminded me of myself, "hi guys, want a picture?" I say politely, the older woman, who I assume is their mum reply's for them "that would be great thanks". I take a few pics and then drive in.

"Hello gal, how ya feeling today?" Lisa says in a thick Scottish accent. "Eh alright I suppose" I say as I enter the building. "Hopefully this game will cheer you up though" Lisa says giving me a side hug. "Yeah hopefully" I say before we meet the other girls.

I see Leah walking my way, I turn so I'm facing the other direction, just to annoy her. I feel her wrap her arms around my neck and pull me back. "You think your getting away with ignoring me do you" she says making me laugh. We mess about for a minute or two before we get the heads up that the bus is ready.

I walk on and sit alone, leah follows and sits beside me. "Who said you can sit there" I say jokingly at her, "I'm so offended, okay I won't sit here" she says getting up. I pull her arm back down and we both burst out laughing. "That's what I thought" Leah says.

The bus journey me and Leah spoke the whole time, laughing and joking about random things. It really helped me take my mind of everything, we get off the bus and see a few fans waiting, most of the girls were focused and went straight in which I understand, they aren't trying to be rude or anything it's just not the time. However me and Leah were at the back and took a few photos. When we got inside the music was already blaring. Everyone was just excited to play.

I was told I wasn't starting during the week which I was gutted about because I've played well the past few games.

Commentary

"No Bella today, it must be real disappointing since she's been playing so well lately. Do you think that's a poor decision from Jonas?" The male commentator asks.

"Yeah I mean I don't see why she shouldn't play, she deserved a spot in the line up today after her performances so far, I understand she's young but if the player is on form you play them." Alex reply's.

It's a few minutes before kick off and I go past Leah in the tunnel, I give her a hug and whisper good luck. I see her blush but don't really focus on it. I take my place in the dug out before the game starts.

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