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INUMAKI SLEEPS IN TODAY.
he lies in bed, tangled in the sheets, leaning precariously over the edge of his side of the bed — the right side.
He doesn't even sleep on the right side. He always slept on the left, until she came along and he allowed her to take the left side instead — the side he now cannot even roll over onto.
He hates her. He hates how she fucked him up — he hates her so much that it hurts. He hates that she hurt him and he should've known it was coming — it was inevitable, like their eventual demise. There was no way preventing it, only delaying it.
All relationships are doomed to fail, he knows it. All relationships will eventually be torn apart by a breakup, a divorce, or death in itself.
He should've seen it in her.
She was so pretty. He was so in love, even if he didn't know how to show it.
He hates her for it.
He hates how much he loved her, hates how she could have asked for the moon and he would have found a way to get it for her, hates the chokehold she had over his life. He hates the image of her smiling that's burned into the back of his eyelids every time he closes his eyes, hates her laugh that he hears with every turn of his head, as though carried by the passing wind, hates her hair and her smell and the color of her eyes.
He hates that her smell still lingers in the sheets, hates that her clothes are still in his drawer, hates that traces of here still remains everywhere in his apartment. He hates that his dog still waits patiently for her to come back each night, faithfully at the door, only to be greeted with disappointment.
He hates that he still can't sleep on her side of the bed.
He hates that he no longer has the energy to get up each day, as though she tool his life with her when she just up and left. He hates how she carved out a chunk of him when she left, hates how he's starting hating everything else to do with her.
He hates doing the things he love because they somehow always lead back to her.
He's rooted himself in too deeply, he knows — he's planted himself so deeply that he's lost a piece of himself when she's left. She's torn herself away from him, uprooting her much shallow roots and ripping them away from his.
he hates her for it.
He hates her, he hates her, he hates her.
And yet, to say the truth, hate and love keep much company together nowadays.
He lives on the line between the two, tipping precariously towards the hate edge of the knife as he tries to distance himself from the love edge.
He's angry with her. He's angry with her, because she made him hate the world. She made him hate Christmas trees, and Christmas lights, and everything else to do with Christmas at all. She made him hate what he once loved the most.
He hates her for what she did.
But he misses her. Like a little kid.
But then again, he hates her for it. He fucking hates her, and he's glad she left.
The most wonderful time of the year isn't the most wonderful time of the year at all.
In fact, far from it.
And it's all because of her.
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YOU ARE READING
𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬, Inumaki Toge
Action"Those christmas lights, light up the street." 𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇 he loses her in a time of merriment. - INUMAKI X OC
