sixteen

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// sixteen //


When Ella opened the scratched, worn-out door of Ryan's bedroom, her eyes automatically traveled to the back of the room, where Ryan was struggling to put on his jacket. His back was to her as he angrily shoved both arms through the sleeves, nearly ripping the black leather when he harshly tugged it over his left bicep and shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Ella asked, her voice slow and cautious because she was worried he would blow up for a second time. She was still stood in the doorway of his bedroom with one hand on the metal doorknob, as though caught somewhere between braving an entrance and making a run for it.

Ryan didn't turn around to face Ella when she spoke, and it was as if he'd already known she'd been the one to open the door. He had started to rummage through the drawers of his oak desk, muttering bitterly, "I'm leaving."

Ella stepped further into the room but still kept one shoulder against the opened door, just in case things went bad. She peered around the right to see past his bulky shoulders, watching as Ryan tugged a crumpled envelope from the bottom of the second desk drawer. When he jammed it into the pocket of his jacket, Ella saw that its contents were several dark green bills. "Where are you going?"

She heard him scoff under his breath, though nothing about this was funny to either of them. Ryan turned hastily towards his bed, reaching down to tear through the messy comforter as though he was searching for something in the depths of fabric. "I don't know," he said flatly. Ryan's eyes were cast downwards as he looked through the bed sheets, but Ella was sure she would have burned under the heat of his gaze if he chose to look at her. "I just need to get out of here. I'm going to drive and keep driving until there's nowhere left for me to go. I don't care where I end up."

Ella swallowed hard, because his tone was so desperate and panicked at the same time that she felt sure he meant it. As Ryan finally pulled his phone out from underneath the bedspread, Ella began carefully, "So you're leaving? Just like that?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I am." He was zipping up his jacket now, standing beside the unmade bed just a meter from Ella - who was still standing stock-still at the entrance to his room.

Ryan finally managed to free the trapped zipper and tug it harshly upwards, and it was only when he took a step forward to leave that he realized Ella was blocking his exit. She remained frozen in the doorway even when Ryan's harsh stare landed on her, keeping her arms crossed and steeling herself. Taking a deep breath and managing to keep a completely straight face, she told him seriously, "If you're leaving, you're going to need more than a jacket. It's freezing."

He finally took a moment to pause and really look over at her, his expression hesitant in a mixture of anger and growing confusion. Ryan shook his head after a second of puzzled silence, snapping, "Ella. Stop messing around and let me out."

"I can't do that," Ella said. She had hoped that trying to tease him might make the anger lessen, but it seemed she had only succeeded in confusing him. "You can't just leave. Not like this."

"Why the fuck not?" Ryan spat, throwing his arm up and pointing past Ella towards the stairs. "I can't stay in this damn house anymore. My mom doesn't know how to keep anything to herself, and my dad gets completely shit-faced every other night. You don't understand what it's like. I'm done, Ella Jane, I'm fucking done."

Ella hadn't meant to take a careful step backwards, but her legs had moved without her permission when Ryan's voice rose to a shout. His fierce gaze faltered slightly when he watched Ella nearly back against the door, and he exasperatedly ran one hand through the strands of his hair as he took a deep breath. When he finally spoke again after a long moment of sticky silence, his voice was much softer and more controlled than before. "I told you to leave, Ella."

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