(Sydney and Ralph are Petey's parents dogman has a speaking collar.)
Sydney :How petty can you get?
Ralph :I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.
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Petey: bitches b like “im baby” but have childhood trauma and abandonment like wtf do u know about being baby u were forced to grow up from an early age anyways I’m bitches
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Petey: I was arrested for being too cool.
Dogman: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.
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Sarah: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?
Dogman: Rude.
Petey: That’s fair.
Chief: Not again.
Nurse lady: Are you going to want this back?
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Sarah: I CAN'T DO IT!
Dogman: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
Petey:
Petey: I appreciate it,
Petey: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Chief: petey-
Petey: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!
Chief : Petey we gotta-
Petey: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.
Petey: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'
Petey, motioning to Grampa: NOT FUCKING THIS.
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Dogman: HELP! I TOLD PETEY I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!
Chief, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?
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Yolay: I trust dogman.
Sarah: You think they know what they're doing?
Yolay: I wouldn't go that far.
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(Book#3) Petey: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a FUCKING THREAT.
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Grampa: You’ll have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake.
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Yolay: I prevented a murder today.
Sarah: Really? How’d you do that?
Yolay: self control.
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Chief: Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake?
Nurse lady: Aww-
Chief: With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!
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//Early years before Petey was born//
Sydney: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...
Ralph: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.
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Piggy: Hey, let’s mess with Petey, guys!
Piggy: Hey, Petey, your momma so fat-
Petey: My mom got sick when I was young and after months of being in bed and days of coughing blood she died.
Piggy: Well, uh- your dad-
Petey: My father said he was going to go get medicine for my mom, but he didn't ever come back.
Piggy: The fuck-
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Dogman: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.
Sarah: I witnessed the dumb stuff
Chief: I joined you in the dumb stuff.
Petey: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!
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Petey: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.
Petey: *waves their finger and sings like they're in
a Disney Channel intro*
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The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one*
Dogman: I will not let you down.
Lil Petey: Sounds fun.
Petey: No, I'm fucking not.
Nurse lady: Awww thx.
Sarah: K
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YOU ARE READING
Dogman Shit Post And Total Things That Don't Make Sense
FanfictionA book of pure idiotesses
