The word is 'attempt'

Where do we go from here? Part 1

A/N: Sorry guys, there was a mistake on the wattpad version of this story, the part 2 to this was published first. Thanks to a reader for pointing it out.

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On her wedding day, Yu Ziyuan had already known her husband was in love with another woman (she wasn't blind, she'd been with him and Cangse Sanren on nighthunts before..she'd seen the looks he gave the other woman). She had only hoped he'd be courteous enough to do his duty towards her and any children they would have; that he would respect her and at the very least work together with her even if their marriage had to be one of pure duty.

She knew his heart was occupied and he'd made his disapproval of her well known to her long before any marriage talks were on the table, so she didn't expect him to look happy. However, his blank stare throughout the entire affair had hurt more than she'd expected, given that she was fully aware their marriage was an arrangement made by their parents and unwillingly accepted by her now-husband.

As a woman, she had expected to be married off even if she didn't like it. She'd been prepared for the eventuality. It seems her new husband hadn't even considered that the same might happen to him. His disdain for her and the torch he carried for another man's wife was enough for him to despise being forced by their parents to marry her and to maintain a stony face as a testament to how much he didn't want to be there.

He didn't want her to be Jiang-furen and everyone now knew it. So she'd let him have his wish in the only way she could while still maintaining her bruised pride. She'd demanded her own quarters and made sure everyone knew to call her Madame Yu. Jiang Fengmian would never need to hear anyone call Yu Ziyuan Jiang-furen.

She didn't acknowledge that she also did it for the part of her that would have been too hurt to see the expression on his face when she was called by the title he'd wanted to give to someone else.

So it was that their life went on with them coexisting somewhat peacefully (of course they'd have disagreements-- it was inevitable with their personalities being so opposite, but it wasn't terrible) in their mutually agreed upon degree of separation.

A-Li was born and he was happy with his soft, mild daughter that looked nothing like her. Problems really began cropping up with A-Cheng's birth. For A-Cheng was very much his mother's son. And though he was the heir that Lotus Pier had been anticipating, he was very much not the son his father wanted. And she'd felt the insult double down. She wasn't the wife he'd wanted and now she'd given birth to an heir but he also didn't want him. Oh sure when A-Cheng was still a small baby he'd looked more fondly upon him.

But unfortunately, soon enough it was clear as day that he was very much like her. And she'd see the heartbroken look on her poor, innocent son's face every time his father ignored him or chastised him for not doing things the way he would have done them and showed him his disappointment in him and the rage would build. She'd accepted his indifference towards her but her son didn't deserve it just because she was his mother. And thus their quarrels would soon become background noise in Lotus Pier. Every time he disregarded his son, she would be there to call him out on it, hoping that one day he'd finally actually listen to her and treat his son better.

But somewhere along the way, her good intentions had spiraled into something that became toxic and she hadn't even realised it. When had her words, meant to help her son, start hurting him instead? How could she not notice that now she was also hurting her little boy?

A-Li had said she always made him feel like he was not good enough. But all she'd wanted to do was help him to get his father's acknowledgment. If only he'd do better than Wei Wuxian then maybe, just maybe, Jiang Fengmian would look his way for something other than disappointment.