𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐃𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐖𝚰𝐍𝚰𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐁𝐘 | ❝ I never thought too much about death. ❞
━ IN WHICH Winifred Shelby finds a sweet boy amongst the coal and smog of Small Heath. Or, alternatively, Winifred Shelby falls in love with a lie...
Fawnie figured out I'm seeing a boy and I begged her not to say a word. I love her, I swear I do but sometimes she is so nasty! Right before she cornered me, Finn ran after her with mud dripping from his hands.
She put her little hands on her hips and stared me in the eyes with her creepy Tommy blue eyes. I really don't like light coloured eyes. They make me uncomfortable. I'm glad I've got my aunt Polly's brown eyes. They keep me from looking like a fish.
But Fawnie–she cornered me! Quite literally too. And in her little (annoying) voice asked, "Are you seeing a boy?" She reminded me of aunt Polly! I froze, because what is one supposed to say? Admit it and I'm dead, don't admit it and she goes running off to my brothers!
So I did what Ada used to do to me when I was too young to understand the wrath of our dear Peaky Blinders. I bribed the little beast.
Her eyes just lit up when I promised to give her lessons from my school book. Fawnie was already incredibly bored of the grammar lessons and I could tell she wanted more maths to work on. I'm terrible at advanced math but she's young enough that she won't notice!
I said one lesson every Thursday afternoon in return for her secrecy. And she agreed without a second thought.
That Saturday | Dear Diary,
I've just returned home from seeing Anderson, it was splendid. I really do enjoy talking to him, he's on my level mentally. It gets incredibly boring talking to the same three or four people every day. Andy is very refreshing. He has a completely different point of view on life. It's a wonder what distance can do to make people so different.
We spoke about the Great War. It's a depressing topic but he made it feel less sad and more... interesting? Andy seems to understand the war on an actual level. He told me that he just missed being drafted by a few years and he was glad he did.
I asked if he thought that every man owed their country their life and he said no. "The king's done as much for me as he has for his wife's happiness, why should I die for him?" I liked that answer a lot. It's still hard for me.
My brothers are completely different people. Arthur hardly even sleeps in a bed anymore, he's often passed out in the den somewhere. And Tommy doesn't sleep, when he does he gets night terrors. Nobody sleeps on those nights.
Especially not Fawnie. One time she tried to wake Tommy from his sleep and he pushed her away so hard she fell on her bum. He woke up and apologized so many times with tears in his eyes and she just let him hug her small body. Polly and I haven't spoken of it even once. But we both know Tommy's terribly embarrassed of himself.
It's probably why he does opium now to sleep. He's too high to react to his terrors. Or at least, that's how I imagine opium works.
Sylvia told me that opium is a strange drug and that I should never ever do it. "It's highly addictive." She said, "You've got a bright future ahead of you, love." Sylvia smiled at me then, "Don't ruin it over some drugs. Or boys."
I turned as red as a jar of strawberry jam.
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