like a pomegranate | george harrison

11 - I Want To Tell You

Cloud thinks about their kisses. It plays over and over in her mind; the taste of George's mouth, the warmth of his hands.

She is afraid to let things go any further.

She does not act any differently than before the party. It is as if the greenhouse never happened. He is left confused and hurting in her silence.

She leans away from him when he tries to sneak a shy kiss onto her cheek, makes herself scarce around the house.

At night, when she tries to sleep, the thought that she could wake up at any moment no longer here, in this time, in this place, stops her from being open with him.

Besides this, she is suspicious. What if she is a rebound, a distraction from the pain left over from things with Pattie? And what of the other women that come every night with the Beatle lifestyle?

She tosses and turns. She cannot involve herself any further than friendship. She cannot get hurt.

I'm not supposed to be with you, she wants to shout at him when he hides himself away to meditate, a sad tension growing each time she brushes him off. I could disappear tomorrow.

She wants to tell him about the time traveling, the things she knows will happen. But her tongue is paralyzed.

George stops trying to kiss her a second time. Instead, he watches her from the kitchen window as she lays out in the sunny yard, frozen by her sudden coldness.

When Cloud plays her new guitar she locks herself in the guest room. He stands by her door and listens.

~~~

Nobody knows about the kiss. Cloud goes to a dinner party at Paul's house without George, who is off to London for the weekend. Paul pulls her aside late in the night to talk privately.

"I just want to say, it's great. You and George, uh, being friends," he winks at her.

Cloud feels a sad tug in her chest. Paul eyes the room and drops into a whisper.

"He was going down a bad path after Pattie. He's hardly drank, or done anything really since he's met you," he says. "You've really put him in a fabulous mood."

Suddenly Cloud's stomach is knotted with guilt. She has to reassure herself that letting George get over their little flirtation is the right thing to do.

But now, Paul has her doubting herself.

~~~

Cloud comes home at two in the morning and flicks on a lamp. To her surprise, George is back a day early, lying rip-roaring drunk on a couch. And from the heavy smell of smoke that hangs in the room, also high.

"George," she speaks, trying to pry a bottle of wine from his hand. "What about Krishna? I thought you were quitting."

He stares at her with a venomous but quiet anger. Then, his words pour out like sludge.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she says calmly.

"You locking the door on me," he says. His dark, glazed-over eyes stare right through her, and her stomach knots. She knows what this is really about.

"I don't want to get hurt, George," she admits.

Why is there a lump in her throat??

"You're divorced, I'm shiny and new. You don't really want me." She is trying to convince herself, convince him, so this doesn't hurt so much.

"But I do," he fires back. "If you feel nothing for me, just say it. I won't keep on like this."

He shuts his eyes tight and leans back against the couch, sloppily pushing his hair out of his face.

"It's been from the start for me, since I first-" hiccup "-saw you." He takes a deep, heavy breath. "I thought maybe you'd have me, but it's ok if you can't see me in your life."

"You're still young, George. You'd get tired of me, like Pattie."

A million disorganized thoughts run through Cloud's mind. It's a decision of  stealing another woman's life. Of living with no privacy; constantly behind cameras.

He stares up at the ceiling, shaking his head.

"You don't understand how I feel, then."

Hesitantly, she sits down next to him. He finally drops the bottle to make space for her in his arms.

"Just let me in, won't you please?" His voice cracks, hardly a whisper. "This isn't just some silly little thing between us, right?"

She lets him hold her, saying nothing.

"Is that a yes then?"

"To what?" Cloud looks up at him.

"To marrying me?" He asks. She can't hold back her laughter. "Oh, don't laugh!! I'm mad about you."

"No," she slips him an amused smile.

"Then what about letting me take you out?"

~~~

Cloud intends to keep her part-time teaching position at the girl's school for as long as possible.

Then come the photographers.

They meet her at the gate, and the girls are in awe. Their new teacher is famous!! Perhaps she was dating George, after all.

One man even goes as far to jump the gates while school is in session. Cloud has to end class extremely early and grab her things, running as fast as she can off school properly without being seen.

Cloud has never seen George angry before, but he is furious when she tells him.

He starts coming to take her home again, no longer the Quiet Beatle when he yells or even threatens them to leave her be.

They start coming to the house, and Cloud is shocked to hear them calling her name instead of George's.

"Miss Harford! How does it feel to be signed by Apple?"

"Cloud, your new single is #32 on the charts. Can we have a quick word?"

They scatter when George steps onto the lawn, waving a fireplace poker in his hand.

~~~

"They're playing it on the radio??" Cloud asks as soon as they're safely in the kitchen.

The Apple Studios executives had only shown her that the new record was selling rather nicely, but not this.

A few days later, George comes bursting into the living room with a beaming smile, his hands still covered with dirt from gardening.

He grabs her hand and rushes her out to backyard, where the transistor radio sits next to his scattered tools.

"Ah," he says, crouching down to turn up the volume, "here we are."

He looks upwards to watch her reaction, biting his lip.

It's her voice, her song. Then, it's over.

"...you've just heard Goodbye Dawn, a new single by Apple Studio's newest talent— just reached #24 on the UK's Top 40 Singles today."

Cloud squeals with delight. He wraps her into his arms, rocking her back and forth, giving her silly little kisses all over her face until she bursts into laughter.

George... getting a record deal... she had never, ever expected any of this to happen. She found herself beginning to pray that this wasn't a dream; that she could stay here, maybe forever.

That night, he asks her to come out with him to meet Ringo at the clubs.

~~~