stuck with a phobia ; lee felix

attached to you

☾✰

Something is clearly fucking wrong.

It's nearly 2 in the afternoon, and Felix hasn't sent me a message all day.

My phone laid empty in my hand, desolate without his random spams or voice messages. I stared at it, eyes hardly able to blink as I waited for some sort of response to flood my screen. For some reason, this waiting has been tearing me apart.

He did mention his parents were arriving today, but not receiving even just one text was throwing me off.

But the thought of him spending the day with his parents places my heart at ease. He deserved it. He needs it. And I certainly don't want to be the one that takes any fragment of the day away from him.

Spending that day with him at the beach allowed me reach a few epiphanies. Like how clouded my mind has been to have misunderstood the boy all this time, when really, he was just yearning for affection too.

Sometimes I'm glad he's taken my odd sense of kindness back then and tucked it underneath his heart, but I despise the way my heart thrums at my throat when he's near me. Or the way he lurches on my mind.

I just want to be near him, and indulge in the comfort his company brings. My heart feels like it's on a delicate leash that's slowly tugging closer to Felix. The way he roams my mind at a staggering frequency scares me more than ever.

As I wait for Remi and Mira to venture around the mall, the riveting thump in my chest begins to shed a forsaken truth I've been trying to conceal.

Perhaps I've started to become attached.

~~

"Girl, take that shit off," Remi sneers while holding up a pair of Dora the Explorer socks.

Mira, who put on a mask with Chase from Paw Patrol, takes a glance at the circular mirror cemented on the wall before us. "Why? I like it."

"You look stupid though."

"And why should I care if you think so?" Mira retorts.

I laugh at the two's quandary as I rummage through the clearance aisle myself. I've begun to become very fond of their company, and in the last month, we've all grown closer.

The two join Felix and I for lunch on the rooftop sometimes, or we walk home together, or have late evening ramen at the convenience store nearby. It's safe to say that I have friends other than Felix to talk to in school. Very unlike me to make new friends, but it was actually rather relieving.

I love their energy. I love Remi's temper whenever we tease about her height, and Mira's laidback composure is nonetheless inspiring.
Truly a great pair of friends to have.

"Oh! Hailee, are you going to buy that? It's been in your hands for a while now," Remi asks.

I stare at the shrek decorated underwear in my hands and immediately drop it. "Oh God no!"

They both laugh, and I begin to laugh with them as we leave the store. We initially came to the mall for the big ass bookstore Remi wanted to go to. Apparently going to the library was out of the question since she wanted to mount books onto her shelf. I can't even blame her.

"What kind of books are you going for?" I ask eyeing a figure with gold locks on the other side of the mall. It was an oddly familiar shade, but my mind was probably playing tricks on me. I was supposed to get him out of my mind here.

"I'm in dire need for romance," she exasperates as we enter the store. An earthy yet coffee like scent wafted around the room, but it was usual to me by now. The old smell felt like a burden free home, distant disillusions.