I m depressed

primary school 2

Trauma

After the divorce, with my mother we moved to a small village in the hinterland of Nice. Fortunately, my mother had a holiday home there. This house previously belonged to my grandparents. When my parents were still together, we often spent our holidays there. So I knew a little about the village but especially next to my house I had my second best friend, Emma*. We met when I was 4-5 years old. We met because we were neighbours and our mothers ended up being friends. Emma is one year younger than me and these parents have always had a lot of money (in a future chapter this will be important).

In short, it's a small village where everyone knows each other. Our house is not really in the village, it is 10 minutes by car in a small hamlet of 5-6 houses. It is an old but very pretty house, with large stone walls.
In short, that's not the subject. So I entered in 3rd Grade in a small primary school. It was really a small primary school (because it was also a very small village) we were even several levels per class. For example, I was in a class in 3rd Grade with 1st Grade students and 2nd Grade. Because there were not enough students to do one class per level.

In this school there was a bit like a hierarchy. In 3rd Grade, we were not many girls, 6 or 7 in my memory. So we all stayed together. There was Amelia*, the most popular girl of our age. Overall, she was the leader of the group and everyone did what she said. She could be very nasty but basically she wasn't doing well at all. Amelia and I had some thing in common that allowed me to know more about her (already at that age she had closed in on herself). I didn't know everything but I knew that she was living very badly on her parents' divorce. And I think she was abused. In short, all this was too full for her. After some time she had begun to entrust her small group of girls to us. She told us about her suicidal thoughts and was mutilating herself in class. We were only 8 years old. I and someone else in this small group removed scissors and compasses from his kit at almost every class. She had anxiety attacks at the time of recess and we were there for her. But honestly out of 6 people, only 3 of us really took care of her. We didn't really know what to do, I remind you that we were only 8 years old. We didn't tell anyone about it. We should surely have.

I remember a discussion we both had at the daycare centre. We were talking about divorce. We were in the same situation. We only saw our fathers 4 days a month but each for a different reason we could not change anything. That day she explained to me how to do it legally, so that I could live with my father. But for a lot of reason I couldn't do it. Especially those I mention in the chapter "My mother trauma". I will develop these reasons and my father's lack during my childhood in a future chapter. In short, Amelia, she could not (for certain personal reasons) go live with her father, even though she knew the procedure. She hated her mother and her new father-in-law. And as little I knew, it was going very badly at home. In short, she was very suicidal. Every Monday I was afraid I wouldn't see her come back. Everyone took her for a small plague while she was suffering atrociously. And I didn't know what to do.

This event touched me much more than I thought.
I remind you that we were only 8 years old.

At that time, as soon as I was not with Amelia, I stayed with my best friend Emma. But unfortunately the year after she changed schools. But fortunately in the meantime I had made a real friend, Amber*. Later that year, Amber and I, we will consider ourselves a best friend. So we were in 4th Grade, Amelia seemed to be doing better, in any case I didn't stay with her anymore. Except in times when his suicidal seizures began again. In short, apart from my father's lack, I was fine. That year, I was better. I wasn't happy but I was better. Until my world is destroyed again.

*Modified first name