𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐒 ⸻ 𝖻𝗅𝖺𝖼𝗄𝗐𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗋

→ chapter nineteen.

Between patrolling, mentoring the pups and spending her days anxiously anticipating the arrival of the Volturi, Leah was slowly and surely losing her mind. There was little variety in her routine; she'd wake, run patrol, sleep, alternate cooking duty with Paul, who often came home at odd intervals due to the patrols, and fell asleep in front of the television which often played the late night infomercials.

She particularly despised when Jake returned from the Cullen house reeking of Bella. It wasn't because she felt some sort of romantic way about him—at least, she didn't think she did—but because it rankled her wolf and she more often than not had to fight to keep form. He wasn't Bella's; he was the Pack's.

It was one of those afternoons where she had just gotten off and popped into the Pack house to drink a glass of water when she heard Jake's voice.

"Do you think you'll ever move back home?" 

Setting her cup down on the counter, she turned to find Jake in kitchen doorway, one hand braced to keep him upright. It seemed like ever since he'd accepted Alpha-hood, he had aged a decade, with new lines and shadows in his youthful face. His leather jacket creaked as he leaned fully against the doorframe, the laser of his dark, long-lashed eyes nearly cutting her open and peering inside. His full, pouty mouth was pressed into a thin line, a crease between his furrowed eyebrows, and he looked a few minutes away from falling asleep.

With his feet scraping across the floor, he shuffled into the kitchen and collapsed into a chair that creaked beneath the sudden addition of his weight, or maybe the rough treatment. She half expected it to break because they were wolves and they broke a lot of things a lot of the time but it held fast. Jake hung his head, his eyes falling shut, as he supported his chin with the heel of the inside of his palm. His hair, which he wore long and unbound today, fell softly across his shoulder and his cheek.

"No," she said finally to answer him. And it was the truth. The Clearwater house had too many bad memories which overshadowed any of the good ones. Even though part of her still clung to those good memories which she could recall if she thought with enough focus about them, the pain and anguish and grief was too heavy there. If she left and never set eyes on that little wraparound porch or the baby-blue shutters, it would both too soon and not enough to ease the pain that lingered.

"Why not?" Jake's tone was equal parts baffled and curious. She forgot sometimes he wasn't privy to everything within her mind, that she was able to shield some things from the Pack. She'd never shared her mother's dismissive words the night she left and she had no desire to reopen that particular wound.

"Because I'm not welcome there. It's not a home for me anymore," she replied with a tone of closed discussion and finality. It occurred to her then that, while he knew she had moved in with Paul, no one had questioned it save for a few lewd suggestions from Jared. Leah had soundly and swiftly put the fear of God into him for those remarks and she hadn't heard a single word from him since in regards to whose bed she slept in at night.

He sighed heavily and pouted his bottom lip, opening his eyes to stare at her drowsily and intensely. His gaze was a physical caress every her face, trying—no doubt—to figure out how to best approach the topic he obviously had on his mind. "Seth's been asking about you." 

She sighed and addressed him dryly, her voice lacking any heat or curiosity. "Your point?" 

At her words, he sat up and gave her a stern glance, one of reproach and rebuke that she staunchly and pointedly ignored. "Leah, he's a kid who wants his big sister home. According to him, your mom—"

"She made it clear who she would pick over me and that's everyone. I won't stay in a house where I'm the villain...even to my own mother." She knew that she hadn't been the most accommodating or sweet but, even bearing her wounded heart, she'd been victim of ridicule and dismissal. From her own mother. If that didn't say she was unwelcome and unwanted, she was uncertain what did.