The Black Swordsman

Chapter 38: A Painful Goodbye

Dear dad,

I was really hoping that you would never have to read this letter, especially after what happened with mom. It's just that one of my biggest regrets when I was trapped in SAO was that I didn't get to say goodbye to you, before-hand. This bothered me every single day I was trapped in that word. I didn't want to make the same mistake, again. Kirito says that traveling to this new VR world will be unpredictable. He claims he doesn't know what kind of impact going back into the Nerve Gear is going to have on all of us who are going to rescue Asuna. To be honest, I'm scared. Which is frustrating because, more than anything, I want to be braver just like the girl we're rescuing. But, I'm not like her.

Anxiety has plagued me my entire life, ever since I was young. I've already let it ruin such a large chunk of my life. Allowing this same anxiety to prevent me from saving the one person who showed me how to overcome this anxiety and how to be more confident in myself just doesn't seem right. That's why I'm going back into the Nerve Gear to help Kirito save Asuna. I don't expect you to understand why I'm doing this and I know that reading this letter is going to be tough for you. But if you are reading this letter that means...I didn't make it out of the Nerve Gear a second time. I guess I wasn't lucky enough for that to happen, this time. That also means that I let you down, dad. I know that I'm the only one you have left, ever since mom passed away and, more than anything, I wanted to make it out of this in one piece and tell you all about how bad ass your daughter was when rescuing Asuna. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like I'm going to get that chance.

I'm so sorry, dad. I'm so so sorry. This letter can't possibly heal the wounds you are suffering from, right now, but I just wanted to write it, just in case something were to happen to me. I realize it's going to be very hard for you but I don't want you to blame Kirito and Asuna for this. This was my decision to go back to that VR world and my decision alone so if you would like to blame someone, please, place all of the blame on me. Kirito and Asuna...they're both responsible for me getting out of the Nerve Gear the first time and they both taught me so many important things about myself. They're both amazing...they're heroes. I could never compare. Still, I want to do the best I can to be a hero, just once. I love you, dad, and I really do hope that I was able to at least help save Asuna a little, even if it cost me my life.

Rika

*

*

*

3 Weeks After Sugou Incident

Three weeks had passed since Asuna had taken Sugou's life and I had learned the terrible news about Lisbeth through Klein, in the same night. It was raining outside at the cemetery Asuna and I were at. We both felt awkward being there, since there was no denying we were the ones responsible for what happened. Despite hiding behind Agil and Klein, who were also attending the funeral, I was able to get a glimpse of the headstone as rain drops landed on it. The head stone read, Rika Shinozaki, Beloved Daughter and Friend, 2007-2024. I swallowed hard, after reading it to myself.

Lisbeth was only 17, the same age as Asuna, I thought to myself.

I was foolish thinking that I knew everything about a girl, who I met for the first time in Aincrad. I never knew about the horrible anxiety problems that she suffered through in her day-to-day life. Apparently, she had suffered a heart attack as soon as she woke up from the VR world due to the stress and levels of pain, she experienced in Sugou's world. It was too much for her to handle. It made sense. Sugou tortured her the worst...just to get to me...that bastard. Asuna could tell that my hand that was holding hers was trembling and wrapped it in both of her hands, to comfort me. This made me realize I had to keep my emotions in check. Not just for myself but Asuna too. I couldn't imagine how much guilt she felt. Lisbeth had entered that VR world to save her. It was unlikely that Asuna didn't at least blame herself a little for her death. On top of everything else she's been going through since Sugou's death...it wasn't fair. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. In my memory of what my perfect life looked like...Lisbeth was in that memory...she deserved to be in that memory...and now, whenever I had that same memory in my head, she was missing from it.