Will i ever really feel good because i thought i was getting better but apparently i was wrong. I was 2 years clean from s3lf h@rm and su!c!d3. All of that progress gone. Im back to only 2 sometimes 1 meal a day or binge eating with no happy medium. I'm such a hypocrite i was helping everyone else with their mental health but i can't even take my own damn advice.
I made a book just so i could put my feelings somewhere because if not i probably would only tell 3 people all that i meet on Wattpad. And i feel like such a drama queen, attention seeking, poser. I was always being there for people, saying they could talk to me even if it wasn't about mental health. But i still can't get out of my own way. I wanted to write a book i made i commitment but apparently i can even do something i love, something that is one of the very few things I'm still confident in.
I have good grades in but at what cost because all i see is that I'm relapsing back to how things were 3 years ago. And I'm so sick of all it. I can't even say i have a different opinion about politics which is something I'm passionate about all because my mom is a right-winger. And i see how the right-wing system screwed me up and i don't want that happening to anyone else.
And god forbid i talk about my opinion about religion because im always having god shoved down my throat. And I'm sick of it. If i don't believe in your religion it's my opinion i don't have to follow your religion or opinion about religion especially if your bashing others all because it's not "America's" religion. That's not even all of it.
I'm tired, angry, frustrated, and so sick of not being myself all to not piss her off. Not to mention the dead naming. I thought choosing Isaiah as my new name would make it easier to use he/him pronouns and not be dead named. I like the sound of Isaiah Gabriel *last names*, it's what i was going to be named if i was born a boy and i thought it was a nice meet in the middle. But not once of there been any changes.
Don't say you support me when after 4 months you've never referred to me properly. All of it is bull and i can't wait til I'm 18 because im moving out and not gonna contact anyone in my family if they're gonna pull this shit. I don't care she thinks it's unreasonable if your not gonna respect my choices and changes then you aren't gonna be in my life simple.
You can say it's because your Christian but if following your religion is more important than your kid having dysphoria to the point where he contemplates his life then your not supporting him. And I'm not ranting anymore because i do these for me to get my feelings out someway some how, i always feel like a burden for posting these and i wanna go a YouTube ASMR binge cause why not. They make me feel loved even if they aren't real.
Have a nice day/night everyone.
-TheEmoPunkIsaiah
YOU ARE READING
Random Thoughts/Vent Book
RandomIf the title wasn't self-explanatory enough I am going to rant about all my emotions and feelings because why not make a book that is basically a therapy session.
