Love me love you.

1.

"Your smile is indeed beautiful Ayra, and that red lipstick, I must say is very attractive, and I do love an attractive woman."  The smile on my lips taking caution, yet, appreciating Levi's words as one thing with men like Levi is to make sure not to over do.

"Thank you. You are pleasant yourself." I return the compliment before sipping my glass of wine which matches the shade of my lips.

"Indeed I am." Levi's lips switches to a smirk, as the emotion in his eyes darkens taking me to feel his left hand caressing mine seductively on the table.

Of course!

What did I expect?

The smile on my lips instantly switching to a frown, as I stare back at Levi whose gaze as turned completely lustful and just like the others, Levi proves the same thing to me of how much of a scum men are, yet, I do not blame Levi for his actions but Anna whom put me out there on a dating site and well of course myself, for coming in the first place.

One would think, with his looks he is as innocent as a child, but even kids are doing the darndest of things nowadays, so how can I judge him less.

Still feeling Levi's hands on mine just proves how pathetic my situation is, In order for my best friend to put me up on a dating site to go on dates, one which I definitely did not agree too, both the site and the date, but when she showed me the reputations and class of men whom are in the site, I seemed to have thought other wise. Apparently, it's not just a regular dating site, yet, it still doesn't change my situation.

A situation that when men look at me, all they see is someone is whom they want to have in their bed, and it gets so bad that a first date is no longer a get to know you stage, but a hookup.

"Let me guess you'd also like to taste this lips of mine so soon?" My next words to Levi coming snarky, while I watch how my comment only intensifies his drive.

"Didn't want to come off direct, but I like a woman that is attentive." Levi says and I want to smack him in the face.

Direct?

What more direct way do I need from him to know that he just wants me in his bed?

"Since we're being direct then, I have a few more to say." I snatch my hand away from Levi as his gaze swifts perplexed. "With your looks one would never assume you to be just a one time guy and I really did hope this date went well cause you're...fine I guess," I stutter with my own words that I manage to praise Levi. "I was looking for someone or something real here or something that could be, apparently it's one sided. So Levi, I'm glad this didn't even go far to as having a dish on the table before you began to be lustful to a woman you're going on a date with for the first time, and I can tell you proudly that you have the wrong woman. If you're looking for a hook up, go to the streets." My words stay direct, as Levi can only stare at me with my words to him.

I don't wait for Levi to say a word, before I get up, picking up my coat and hanging it by arm before leaving the restaurant.

I surprise my own self, for If I am the same person whom I was some years back, i definitely would have more words to say to Levi than what I just did, one which may have included Lessing his tires before I leave. But right now, I'm exhausted, I'm exhausted with it all. Of going round in circles and experiencing the same thing.

I get into my car, and start the engine to drive through the streets of New York leading to Anna's house, as through the drive, the heaviness of my heart cause my eyes to tear.

Andrew, James, Clinton, Daniel, stiles, micheal, Harry, Walter, Sydney and so on, then to add Levi to the new list of failed dates with one thing in common.

No one sees me for me.

Yes I would accept the fact of having a striking body, but I know for a fact that Anna's body is way curvier than mine with her snatched waistline, yet, she has a boyfriend who loves her sincerely. This is not about comparison but logical fact that I'm trying to reason as to why everyone whom I've been with seem to see only that one thing. Either for the brain or body.

I get to Anna's house, before ringing the doorbell once to which she answers instantly with a bright smile on her lips, as when her gaze meets with mine, I watch them furrow while my tears descend down my cheeks, and she pulls me inside.

Anna doesn't say a word but embrace me tight, while I begin to sob on her shoulders. "I just don't understand why. I don't understand why that is all they see." My voice breaks while I take my head from Anna's shoulders.

"What happened baby?" Anna caress my cheeks, cleaning my tears.

"The usual of course." I answer her before walking away from her to the living room. "Is it bad to want love Anna? Is it bad to crave to have someone to love, someone whom you can come home to and tell how your day went or speak on phone for hours? Is it bad to want to feel closure and safe with...someone?" My voice breaks even more that my lips trembles.

"Each and everyone of them just see what they can get to their advantage and if I tell you I'm not tired of this Anna, I'm the biggest liar on earth. I want to give up, but I can't. I want to trust but I can't because I know deep down what it will always end up to." Anna only stares at me.

"Why can't I be loved Anna? What is it that I lack so much that make me unloveable? Am I too pretty that it's all they see..."

"Wait, wait... what?" Anna cuts me off with my last statement. "Are you too pretty to be loved? Girl do you want to be ugly? Do you rather be ugly? Is that what you want..."

"If it gives me happiness Anna, I might just take it." I don't let Anna finish.

"Listen to me Ayra," Anna squats to me while I sit on the couch. "There is nothing wrong with you. It's them who can't see the amazing woman in front of them. For Gods sake look at you, you are every man's dream, and just because you're meeting the wrong people doesn't give you the right to give up on love. There is love out there Ayra and you can and will experience it." Anna places her hand on my thighs, and I feel the coldness of her hand from the slit of my black dress.

"Did you sleep in the freezer?" I jerk Anna's hand away from my body as her temperature is enough to make me forget my predicament.

"Of course not," Anna rolls her eyes.

"Then are you dead? Why is your hand so cold?" My gaze stare at Anna suspiciously.

"Yes Ayra. I'm dead and I came back from my grave to tell you that you have a date booked for tomorrow." My gaze goes wide and my mouth agape hearing Anna's words that I pause in my movements.

"Are you out of your mind?" Is the first question I ask Anna. " I just literally freaking told you how innocent Levi is the same as the others and now you're wanting me to go on another date!" My voice high that my words come one after the other clearly for it to sink into Anna's ears, one which I'm certain the neighbors next door can hear and would soon report us for disturbance again. "Yeah, you're definitely out of your mind." I add.

"Come on Ayra, you can't say just because of some failed dates you're going to give up. Don't you want to get married?" Anna asks me while I only roll my eyes at her, before ignoring her.  "Ayra Philips you did not just ignore me." I continue to ignore Anna till I don't feel her beside me while I watch her leave and I turn my gaze away with a pouted lip and remote in my hand to change the channel.

How could I forget what kind of a friend I have?

"Tyrell king, 30 years old, loves to work out, and eat in his favorite restaurant in Paris called La vue. American by origin, and a bachelor searching for the love of his life." Anna comes back as she begins reading to me, while I control the urge not to turn to her, as I do know this is one of her tactics to get me to go on another date knowing clear how much I love men that work out. "Oh and may I add, you two match and has agreed to go on a date." And that is all Anna needs to get my attention back to her again.

"What time is the date?" I turn to her instantly, while I watch my best friend hold a winning smirk on her lips.