Stuck in the Elevator Again | ONC 2022

Loop 6.1

Last edited: 25/4/2022
[Roselyn]

Gasp.

I snap my eyes open and search for him immediately, fear having a good grip on me.

Seeing him standing at the back with his eyes closed has my heart drop back into my body. A rogue tear shies its way out of my eyes and caresses my cheeks, leaving a cool trail behind.

I stand in front of him, hands on hips, as I wait for him to stir.

As soon as his eyes flutter open, one of my palms leaves my hip and slaps him in his face.

"You coward," I choke out as more tears glisten in my eyes, "coward!"

He lowers his gaze.

"Nothing is worth you putting your damn life at risk! How can you just... just commit suicide? Do you not feel guilty for damaging your body in the worst way possible? Do you not know you are responsible for keeping yourself alive?"

He just stares at his perfect leather shoes.

My chest heaves as I continue to scream into his face, attempting to smack some sense into him. "It doesn't matter what you experience! It is unacceptable for you to try ending the life you have been gifted! Do you know how many people struggle to survive out there? Do you?"

"I was useless! Selfish! Like you! I was a coward! I let my sister die in front of me, I LET HER DIE PROTECTING ME!" Saltiness fills my mouth and blurs my words. "It was my responsibility. She was younger, weaker, and I was the older one. But I was a coward."

I let out a painful sob, reliving the guilt and remorse the incident brought. "But did I let it take me down? No. I continued to live with the pain, telling my depressed self to keep up because I wasn't only living for myself, I was living for her."

The silence is comforting, hugging us like blankets as we both try to cope with our pains. My mind clears up as my anger resides, and regret creeps into me.

I was too harsh. I shouldn't be so harsh. Harshness never helps. I never meant to be so harsh to him, to me.

I pounce on the sulking figure in front of me and my arms wrap around his torso. "I'm sorry, Jaxtyn. I wasn't a coward. You weren't a coward. We were just trying to deal with the pain. I'm sorry I accused you so harshly."

My tears stain his white shirt, the dampened spot growing larger as I press my cheeks against his chest, feeling his beating heart pounding against my ears. "I understand why you committed suicide. I really do. I had that thought as well before, during the first few years of my sister's death. I never understood why I am alive. Counseling for sure didn't help. I didn't want to open up. But I managed to live with the pain."

I look up into his eyes, reflecting the pain I see in his. "But don't give up. Giving up doesn't help with the pain. It only worsens it, as soon as you realize you achieved nothing from dying."

I raise my feet into a tiptoe, hooking one of my arms onto his neck while the other pats his back. "It's fine to be weak. You don't always have to be strong."

I tug his head down and press my lips onto his, sensing the quiver of his soft lips as I do. "We have to stay strong for each other. We've been through so many rounds of the time loop, we can't just give up now. We have to live until the end."

Jaxtyn Uburg finally moves from his stoic position. He buries his head into my neck, body trembling against mine as he lets out muffled sobs.

"It's ok, just let your feelings out. I've found a way to break the time loop. Remember the pill on the windowsill? It is a pill for escaping. If we can get to it and eat it, we can probably break this time loop. See, it's not as devastating as it looks, no?" I coo, my hands rubbing his back and neck in a comforting way. I slip my fingers into his hair and stroke. He shudders against my touch, and by the way his body tenses under my touch, I know he is having comforting tingles on his scalp.

"Jaxtyn," I whisper, "let's stay alive for each other. I know I'm not the girl you would want to be with, and will never be, but I promise I will always be by your side, no matter the cost."

His tears paint my shoulder and glide down my skin, and I hold back the urge to wipe my shoulder clean from the salty liquid. I understand he needs the comfort now, so I won't be bitchy like before and spoil the moment.

"Jaxtyn. Nothing will be alright, but we'll always make it through. I need you, just as you need me. I'll stay alive for you, and you'll stay alive for me. Will you promise me that you'll respect your life? That you will live on for me, just as I will for you?"

His arms reach out and wrap themselves onto my waist. I continue to caress his hair as he calms down, done releasing the desperate sobs that he has always boarded up to protect himself.

"Roselyn Chang."

"I'm here."

"Roselyn."

"I'm always by your side, Jaxtyn."

"I promise."