Larry Stylinson - Unyielding Soul Of Unconscious Mind

Right Before Crossroads, Part 2

                                                       Liam

In the last chapter, I didn't really mention anything about Liam and music, well I was trying to explain something more important and personal about him, but truth to be told, Liam loved music, it was just another thing he was good at, I mean he was good at many things, but especially singing, he could fucking sing and when he did, you would think this boy was special, he had a vocal range of a god, like if a god can sing, him and Liam does have the same vocal range, I think. Liam was so talented in it and he knew it and his parents knew it, so when he was 12 years old, he became a member of the Pink Productions Theatre company, he even played Tony Manero's character from Saturday Night Fever and he had an experience of performing in front of 26000 people during a Wolverhampton Wanderers football match. On top of that, he had been practicing singing, since he was 11 years old and it was no surprise to anyone, when at just 14 years old, Liam applied for the X Factor 2008 and he was instant favorite of the producers, easily got to the judge's auditions and when he sang Frank Sinatra's "Fly me to the moon", it was obvious for all the judges they were dealing with a star. They gave him nothing, but a good chunk of compliments, showed surprise he was so good at just 14 and send him home with four yeses. Liam remembered how powerful and happy he felt after that audition, like he could really fly to the moon or near the sun, he was invincible, nothing could stop him and soon enough he was at the Bootcamp, that's what they called the second stage of X Factor, yeah I know, even the name of this stage is so fucking irritating, like it tells you, yes you were good enough back then, because judges didn't have their priorities high up, but will you be good enough now or will you get fucking booted in the ass, like some kind of useless piece of shit, because just being able to sing is not enough to be a star, so most of you will be told you are not fucking enough and there is nothing nice about it, judges will play like they are sorry, but look at the fucking name of this stage, fucking Bootcamp, what kind of fucked up asshole came up with this name. But, it was okay, Liam knew by heart and by fact he was more than good enough, he could feel it every time he started singing, he would get goosebumps from his own voice, and let's be honest here, every artist knows it subconsciously, when you get fucking goosebumps from your own artwork, it means you are truly fucking amazing, like deep in our hearts we all know our capabilities, we know ourselves the best, so Liam knew he was going to get through and that seemed like a reality, when at the first day of this so-called Bootfuckingcamp, he got nothing but praise from judges once again, like how amazing he was, how talented he was and et cetera, et cetera. So, next day when he performed the song to get through and once again, he noticed judges were fond of him, he knew he was going to make it. Well, he was wrong, or to say it correctly, he was a little wrong, but not fully. Next day, Liam was called out with a group of 6 or 7 people on stage to hear if he was going to make it to the next round, and when he got on that stage, even though logically he knew he was going to make it, he was still so nervous, he could feel butterflies flying all over his stomach, he felt like his heart was about to come out of his mouth, his whole body was numb, he could barely breath and could barely hear what Simon Cowell was saying, yeah that Simon Cowell, that was the dude to impress back then, he was like the biggest producer of that time, if you had green light with Simon, it meant you fucking had some chance of becoming somebody, somebody important. And it just so happened that Simon was the one giving them their answer, Liam could barely hear him, he was just waiting for others' reactions to be honest, if they were going to start screaming and jumping and happy crying, it meant he went through, last thing he remembered hearing was:

-All of you, no matter what, should go out of here with your heads held high, because all of you are very talented, but this year we had so many talented people and the decision was so hard to make- Oh my god, his fucking voice was so irritating and annoying and the way he purposely drugged this out, just to get more shots of them being miserable, nervous and fucking depleted waiting for his answer, it was so annoying for Liam, nervousness changed into irritation and numbness changed into anger, like what the fuck, they are human beings, you can't fucking play with people's emotions like that, but Simon needed his show, because apparently showing people miserable and nervous and showing them like their life is dependent on his answer, that's what made him money and Simon fucking loved money, I mean who doesn't? The difference is, some people have some fucking decency not to get it via using and fucking over other people, giving them emotional trauma. Oh my god, I could go on and on, but let's just continue. So, Liam was at the edge of his patience, like I said in the previous chapter of his, he was never a patient guy, when Simon finally spitted out the answer: "I am sorry guys, unfortunately, this year you didn't make it." ... Wait, what? Liam felt like ground had shaken under him, like he couldn't breath anymore, he remembered the worst experience of his life, which was all those pains his kidneys caused him back in his childhood and this pain, not physical, but emotional, it took the cake of being the worst fucking feeling in the entire world, no, in the entire universe. He had never felt like this before, rejected and shamed, hold your head high? What the fuck, how could he and this was so unfair, he knew he was talented, he knew he could do this, so why, fucking why? The only reason he didn't make it, was because there were a lot of talented people this year? It didn't really feel like an answer he could hold on to, that answer wouldn't make anything easier. Honestly, he just wanted to lay on that stage and cry, cry like he had never cried before. The disappointment, the rejection, the misery, oh man it was too much to take, but no, fight, fight, fight. Hold your fucking head high Liam James Payne and walk out of here, walk out of here like they lost something and not you, like who gives a shit, you don't need them, you will still be the star. You will show them, like you showed to that sport's teacher, like you showed to those bullies, like you showed to your primary school teacher and to your fucking kidneys, they will see they were wrong. So, with all of these emotions and thoughts, floating and flowing through his head, just in a time lapse of 4-5 seconds, Liam held his head high, smiled to the judges and walked off the stage, like nothing ever happened. He didn't really remember where he was supposed to walk, all he remembered was that he needed to get away, as far as possible, he was just following the path, but he didn't really know where he was going, finally realization hit once again, he was a loser who got booted, like literally booted, because he was not good enough and even though he promised himself just a minute or two ago, he was going to keep fighting and he was, he just needed a little break. So, when he saw some people in front of him, he just stopped, he realized he was out of the range and maybe cameras were not following him anymore, so he just knelt down and put his face in his hands. Of course, cameras were following him, recording every single move of his, every little expression, maybe they could get a good miserable face of a loser, who just got rejected, maybe it would be good enough to put on the show, his sad expression making people pity him... And when all seemed lost, he got one of the producers, right on top of him, awkwardly touching his shoulder and telling him judges wanted to see him, but let's be honest here, Simon wanted to see him, judges had nothing to do with it. Turns out, Simon had doubts of his own, regarding the decision to let Liam go, after all, he made money using other people's talents, since he had none of his own, he figured out a way to see potential in people and he had doubts he made wrong decision letting Liam go, he thought he was losing a big money making machine for himself. And just like he destroyed Liam's life in an awfully stretched out speech of why they were letting him and other five people go, same way he made Liam's life easier and happier, in the same kind of stretched out speech of why they changed their minds and he was moving through, because apparently, all of them saw they were making a mistake, but really it was all Simon. And Liam didn't care, he once again felt so happy, so relieved, excited, but most of it all, he felt overwhelmed. I mean, give him a break, just couple of minutes ago, he was the most miserable person on this planet, losing something he held so dare, getting rejected on national television, getting told he was not good enough in a painfully stretched out speech and now, fucking now, he was getting told that he was actually enough, that they made a mistake and they wanted him back, he even thought for a moment to decline the opportunity, how crazy would that be? Telling Simon freaking Cowell to fuck off, telling him they already made their choice and he also made his choice and he didn't want to do anything with them, oh gosh, how satisfying it would feel, but he was not crazy or strong enough to pull that off, so he just played like they were angels, sent down from the sky who saved him from a desperation and a misery, he thanked all the judges like thousands of times and he never felt so fake in his entire life before, like why was he thanking them, these are the same people who literally put him through the hell of the emotional distress just couple of minutes ago, and here he was fucking thanking them, what the fuck Liam, when did you get so fake, he asked himself. But, at the end of the day, he made it through and now he was going to have a chance at the judge's houses to prove himself and to make it to the live shows, after that he would be one step closer to his ultimate goal of becoming a fucking star, and then he would never need to be fake to anyone ever again, to kiss someone's ass when he wanted to flip them off. He just needed to be patient, even though he had never been and he needed to wait, wait and then boom, he would be the star he always dreamt to be, he would conquer the world...