Chapter 13. Avoided mistakes

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Y/n's POV:

I fully understand where this is leading to. Her eyes filled with tenderness, staring at my lips, slightly stifled breathing and an almost hot hand on my knee, all of it speaks of her intention to kiss me right now. She has no idea how much I want this, it would mean the whole world to me, but I just can't let her do it, despite my burning, nearly unbearable desire.

She is off-limits for me. I know for sure that she isn't ready to destroy everything around her that has been created over the years. She doesn't know what she's doing now and probably doesn't realize that this temporary interest will have its consequences. Perhaps it's just a short-term surge of emotions, for which she consciously doesn't bear any responsibility, and tomorrow she will already forget about it.

I see this woman only as something unachiavale for me and I have already come to terms with it. I'm more than happy to have her in my life without being able to call her mine, even though it hurts sometimes. Therefore, no matter how strong the attraction between us is, it will only lead to broken hearts and suffering. She deserves much better than that and I'm not the person, who can provide her with it.

I can't betray our friendship and the feeling of heavenly comfort by exchanging it for a momentary forbidden pleasure that has no future. Therefore, when Elizabeth's warm breath noticeably touches my face and only a few inches left between our lips, I turn my head so that she only touches my cheek with the tip of her nose.

"The weather today is amazing, isn't it?" I say the first thing that comes to my mind to get us distracted as soon as possible.

I can feel El moving away from me, taking her hand off my knee and turning her attention to the beauty around us. Putting my hands under my thighs (I'm used to doing this when I'm nervous) and waiting a few more seconds, I look up at her again, only to see a mixture of slight bewilderment and confusion on her face. I know she's probably feeling disappointed right now, but we'll both be grateful for that later.

"Yes, indeed." She forces a smile out of herself, trying not to let the awkward silence hang between us, but doesn't succeed in that. I notice how she begins to play with the rings on her slim fingers and I immediately want to fix the tension in the air by all costs.

"Look," I say, pointing at a nearby ice cream truck, "let's go mix some flavors of ice cream and see if that's still good, hm?" I give her a warm smile, hoping that her mood will improve a little bit and she returns my favorite bright grin to me in a while.

"Let's go, but don't complain about stomach pain later or brain freeze, okay? I won't be your personal doctor," she playfully declares, getting up from the bench and holding out her hand to me, which I gladly take.

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"I would never have thought that a mixture of strawberry, pumpkin, mint and mango ice cream is really tasty," I say, putting another spoonful of my delicious thingy into my mouth. Elizabeth just scrunches her nose at this with her mouth slightly open.

"Stop grimacing, here, try a little, I won't be able to eat that much anyway, I'm already full." I stop waking and offer my spoon to her.

"Y/n, your stomach is literally rubbery and I'm sure you could eat three of those buckets if you wanted to." She turns her nose away like a little kid who doesn't want to eat oatmeal.

"Oh, come on, Ellie, one spoon for mom, one spoon for dad. Just try it once and that's it." I smile at her as she rolls her eyes and leans down a bit to eat my dessert. Squinting her eyes, in which not a drop of disgust flashed, she says in surprise:

"No, but why is this actually good? Now I gotta question whether I should trust my own taste after this. Give me one more, I don't wanna finish mine now."

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