Dusk (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 39 - Happy

It was game day, and my hands were clenched as I impatiently tried to get through tutoring. Eva and Jenna had somehow gotten over their hate for each other and had spent the entire session not-so-subtly whispering things to each other before breaking out into quiet giggles. I tried to ignore the way their eyes quickly flashed away from me when they saw that I'd noticed.

"Um," I cleared my throat the fifth time this happened, my face reddening. "Sorry... I was talking about the federal reserve-"

"Wait, we have a question-" Eva said, her hand unnecessarily raised in the air while Jenna looked down to hide her smile.

"Yeah, go ahead."

"When's your birthday?"

Jenna hid her face further by covering it with her hand as the rest of the group turned to look at them in annoyance.

"May fifth," I said, hoping to leave it at that and move on.

Eva whispered "Taurus," to Jenna loud enough for the whole group to hear before turning back to me. "Ooh, happy early birthday!"

Jenna burst into laughter and I stared at the two of them, speechless as it was still the middle of winter.

"Thank you..." I said, looking back down at my notes. They were mixed up and I quickly tried finding the spot where I'd left off.

Jenna stood up and muttered something about needing to pee as she tried to contain her laughter. "You know what," I said, hastily looking at the clock, "we can all go."

We had about fifteen more minutes, but I'd grown tired of feeling like the butt of a joke and couldn't even focus on the material I was supposed to be helping them with.

They looked taken aback, and a few gave Eva dirty looks as I stood up, grabbing my bag.

"Sorry, I've got to get somewhere," I added and quickly scribbled down my email on the small whiteboard by the door. "Email me if you have any more questions, I'll try to get back to them within an hour."

I slipped out of the room, feeling too self-conscious to look at any of them as I said bye.

I drove home, hoping to shower again before going to Rowan's game. My mind was occupied with the tutoring session, how I'd handled it, and wondering when I'd become so fucking socially awkward. These were situations most people knew how to deal with in high school - I'd known how to deal with in high school.

Erik had come down with nasty flu, so I'd be going to the game alone - a fact that'd been on my mind all day.

Ever since I'd met the police chief, I'd felt nervous, jittery. The way he'd looked at Rowan, it felt like he knew something more, something more than just a father's drug addiction. I wished I hadn't given him my name.

And the dream...

The dream was just that, a dream. I wanted to stop thinking about it, stop thinking it meant something, a warning. It didn't mean anything.

I hadn't received any threatening mail lately, I hadn't been made a victim, and the talk of the attack from the beginning of the school year had faded. I had Rowan, winter break had just started, and my friends were visiting. I should've been happy.

I am happy.

I told myself this, hoping that if I repeated it over in my head it'd be true. But I was happy... when I was with Rowan. Is that co-dependence? Or do I actually need therapy?