My Symphony

I hate

I hate myself
I hate my life
I hate the people who state they care for me
I hate every single human being

I hate that i'm still here
I hate that i keep fighting
Despite just wishing to die
I hate my demons for killing me

Stripping me off emotions
Making me relive the things i have seen
Remember the people i have lost
Reminding me there is no one
I can truly trust

I hate being inside of my mind
I hate that i'm a prisoner of my own head
I hate that i can be blamed
For the death of so many peoples loved ones

I hate that i still try and get friends
I hate that some part of me
Still believes there is love for me

I hate that i wish to give up
I hate everything
Especially that i'm emotionally numb

I'm emotionless
I'm a shell of a human being
I'm non existing
I'm simply just a thug
Who takes pleassure in other peoples suffering

I hate that i write this
I hate that you read this
I hate
That people like this

I hate that i still keep going on
I hate the fact that
A few people consider me to be strong
That's where you are wrong

I hate...
I hate myself
I hate that i wanna love myself
I hate every word
Every word that comes out of my mouth

I hate...
The fact that people can't understand me
That whomever reads this
And thinks to themselves "I understood what he meant"
Is so blatenly wrong!

I hate the voices in my head!
I hate the echoes of the dead!
I hate so fucking much!
I'm just done!

I hate that i can't give up!
Hate that i can't stop
Playing her favorite song!
Can't let go of the past!

I hate
That i'm not the man she wished me to be
I hate that i don't know
What her parents think of me?

I hate that others words still matter
I hate that she was the one i loved
I hate that i never showed for her funeral
I hate that i ran away!

I hate that i was a mere coward
I hate that i didn't show a final act of loyalty
I hate the doctor
Who couldn't cure her cancer

I hate that i begged her to stay with me
Whilst clearly knowing how much she was in misery
I hate that i'll never see her
Nor will i see him too!

I hate that both of them are gone
I hate that it wasn't me

Why can't i just be free?!
Free me from this missery!
I know i won't join them in heaven!
And hell i can't enter either!

I hate..
Hate that our pictures are still framed and up on my walls..
Hate that our friends...
Whom we considered family..
Still believes in me...

I hate that i promised to live...
I hate that i promised to be strong...
I hate to admit that people are wrong...
I was selfish...

I still am...
I hate that i am not a man...
I hate...
I hate way to much...

Most of all...
I hate the fact you read it all...
Hate that you now know...
That i just consider myself...
Worthless...

I hate myself...
I hate...