Wings, Flings, and Demon Kings || COMPLETE

Chapter 6: Oodles of Canoodles

9:23 A.M.

My apartment

I guess I should start with the good news. Positivity first, right?

Yahoo Answers eventually returned an answer about the bleeding. And guess what? I'm not dying! I'm just... menstruating. Apparently it's a thing humans do sometimes. A 'natural process' in which the uterus decides to forcibly evict its lining and ejects it in a fit of feminine rage.

Azerath looked incredibly smug that it wasn't his fault I was bleeding.

Insufferable git.

He was kind about it, though. 'Kind' and 'demon' shouldn't go together, but he was. He went to a convenience store and bought me some so-called feminine hygiene products, and then he offered me an Advil and a hot pack. He didn't have to do that. Technically, I had crashed his place and hurled unfounded accusations at him, so he would've been well within his rights to kick me out.

But he didn't.

...

Anyway.

Now for the bad news.

I hath sinned.

In fact, I can't quite figure out which of the things I did last night was the worst.

9:24 A.M.

I should probably start with the drinking.

By the time I asked Azerath if I could taste the whiskey, he'd already retracted his offer. "You probably won't like it," he told me, "so let me make you something else." Then he proceeded to make me a fruity drink with lots of sugar and lemon and mint, which he called a 'mojito'.

"Drink this slowly," he said, as I eyed it with alarm. "The sugar will cut the taste of the alcohol so you'll be tempted to drink it fast, but your human body probably has zero tolerance."

"I am only going to take a sip," I told him haughtily.

9:26 A.M.

I did not, Diary, take only a sip.

9:27 A.M.

To be clear: at that point, I was sure that I was dying.

That I'd ruined my human body.

That I'd be sent back to Heaven in ignominy, to live out the rest of my days being lectured by Archangel Ramiel.

Under the circumstances, it made sense to try as many things on Earth as possible, since I was already in trouble anyway.

...

It occurs to me this is exactly the sort of argument a demon would make.

I can already hear my Remedial Goodness Counselor's voice: "You should be good for the sake of being good, Nirael. Not because you are worried about the consequences, but because you believe in Doing What's Right."

9:30 A.M.

I'm a terrible angel.

How any of them put up with me is a testament to their patience.

When I get back to Heaven, I'm going to sign up for all the remedial classes. The Morality class, the Resisting Temptation class. Even (*shudder*) the one on Meditation and Inner Peace.

And I'm going to practice Not Smiling at penguins in front of a mirror until Archangel Ramiel is proud of me.

9:33 A.M.