The Dream

Chapter 21- Confronting

Since coming out about my feelings, I had been feeling really low lately. Jordyn and April had asked to hang out again, but I politely declined, saying I wasn't feeling well. It was a Sunday morning, but my parents were sleeping in today, so we didn't go to church.

Instead, I lay in my bed, not exactly knowing what to do today.

I could go to the Y, but I didn't want to mistakenly see Jordyn or April while I was there. So, I concluded with staying home. I did have some school work to finish up.

By around 12:00pm, I got up from my bed. Everyone else was already awake and I could hear my brothers playing in Michael's room.

I headed over to the washroom to brush my teeth, and winced when I saw myself in the mirror.

Wish you looked like Jordyn, huh?

I managed to push the voice away as I started running the water, placing my toothbrush under.

I picked up the toothpaste and started brushing, only to hear another voice again.

Your teeth are yellow. Gross.

Huh.

They were.

That made me start brushing even harder, and eventually my gums started bleeding.

"Shoot." I muttered, as I rinsed off my mouth and started washing my face. Recently I was using Cetaphil because I heard it was good for my acne- only it wasn't really making anything better. I stopped using it last week. So instead, I picked up Dudu Osun and scrubbed my face with it.

When I finished drying my face, I sighed in the mirror.

I had acne scars and acne and pimples just casually chilling on my cheeks. It made me feel dirty- ugly.

Once back in my room, I put on moisturizer, deodorant and lotion before taking off my bonnet and dealing with the birds' nest on my head.

I was slowly learning how to care for my natural hair, but it was still a challenge. For some reason, I could never figure out how to get my hair looking all sleek and cute. It usually looked puffy and unkept. Nevertheless, I moisturized my tight coils with my spray bottle mixed with leave-in, did my usual LOC method, and grabbed some Ecostyler so I could attempt to slick it up in a puff.

After about three tries, I finally got my hair the way I wanted, and placed my hands on my hips, as if I was somewhat proud of myself. When I finished admiring my work, I got a notification on my phone and glanced down. It was a text from Jordyn.

Jordyn: ayo, u sure ur not down to chill? Ik for a fact ur ok

I smirked at her text- how could she possibly know I was pretending.

Me: what makes u think that?

She immediately started FaceTiming me.

"See?" she smirked, once I answered the phone, "You're fine. Tell me what's up?"

"The sky." I winked, as she rolled her eyes.

"Bruh, for real. What's going on?"

I let out a sigh, "I- I don't know, to be honest."

"Is it something at home?"

I shook my head, "It's more than that- it's everything."

"Adam included?"

I let out a small smirk, "Obviously. I don't know why I'm obsessed with him- it's like how I was obsessed with Dean-" then I suddenly stopped myself, realizing I just exposed myself.