Politieke Besties

Chapter 4

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I got Covid-19 so instead of backpacking through Sweden, hunting the Aurora Borealis, I wrote this. Enjoy!
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In the following weeks Sjoerd and Rob properly hit it off. Their dynamic appeared simple at first glance. Sjoerd smiled and Rob swooned. Soon enough it was the other way round. But Jesse knew, in the end, how well matched they were. He knew Rob's interests, his life aspirations. He knew Rob's humor. It was annoying how well Sjoerd fit into Rob's life. Even Jesse liked the guy, it was unfair.
Rob was practically glowing, raving about having scored the quote "hot guy" on campus. "And he is nice too!", he added, whenever Jesse would take a jab at him for focusing on Sjoerd's looks too much. "I am happy for you", Jesse said. He wished it would not hurt. It did however, quite badly so. He bravely swallowed it down. Jesse's roommate Hannes consoled him. After some initial explanations concerning Jesse's feelings, that is. Quickly, Jesse opted for whining about his misery, interrupted Hannes before he could say anything offensive about "having gaydar".
Every day Jesse felt his longing and despair melt into a ball in his stomach. He slept on with his face burrowed in the pillow, just so he wouldn't lay there for hours, staring at the ceiling, thinking in circles. Jesse was fantastically heartbroken. The first guy he ever fell properly in love with, the one that made him realize parts of his identity he had puzzled over for a whole while... That guy met another a picture-perfect guy, before Jesse was ready to make a move himself. Poetic really. Or just dumb luck.
He would get over it eventually,of course. He always did. And then Rob, Sjoerd, him and his wife (or his husband! Maybe Rob had a more attractive brother?) would meet, cook dinner and drink expensive red wine. One day maybe Jesse would stop staring at Rob across the lecture hall.

Jesse never said anything. He was not cruel enough to put Sjoerd's and Rob's relationship in jeopardy with his silly little feelings. When Jesse and Rob hung out, Jesse always managed to laugh along. But then they started hanging out less. Jesse caught himself canceling plans and not making new ones. They still hung out. Just not as frequently. They stopped eating lunch together. In fact Jesse stopped eating lunch in the cafeteria at all. He just knew Rob would mention Sjoerd or he would be there and Jesse had never thought himself a great actor. 
Better not get involved at all. This was definitely not his place. Besides, this was the final semester and there was meetings to attend and events to organize, there was no time to spend an hour every day doing nothing, just sitting at lunch! Rob didn't mind. He was caught up in being happily in love.  And Jesse was so happy for him. So why was Jesse crying in the bathroom at the Jonge GroenLinks Easter Brunch?

It helped that the summer semester was quite a busy one. Jesse jumped from committee meeting to committee meeting, whenever he had some time between classes. Being both chair at the youth union of the CNV and the youngest member on the Social Economic Council, were his reward for himself keeping busy. While feeling miserable about his love life, he was at least stirring up some talk for his political career. Some interesting people reached out. Jesse threw himself into that work with the passion of a man who is not only doing something he believes in, but also someone who desperately needs a distraction. He found himself chasing that high. When they called him a success, the swelling pride of a job well done filled the holes in his heart. Laying in his dorm at night became less agonizing.

It also helped that a few months into Sjoerd and Rob's relationship Jesse met someone new as well. Well, not exactly new, as they had been friends as children, but them dating, that was new. Jolein made him laugh. A lot. Her long, light brown hair that used to fly in the wind behind her when they chased down the beach as children, was tied into a neat bun now. He recognized her that day, when he was running errands in town. That first night they went to a bar and had a few drinks together. He did not think about Rob that night. Talking to Jolein was marvelously comfortable. More than comfortable, he thought, when she smiled that infectious smile of hers. They were happy. The two of them were going out together. People were gossiping about it, the young high achiever and his childhood sweetheart. A nice story, which in turn just gave the two of them more to laugh about. Hannes seemed surprised but happy. "She seems great, man. Congrats."  With the holes in his heart filled and the most delightful brown haired distraction swooping him off his feet, the knot in Jesse's stomach began to dissolve. One day Jesse confessed his elaborate plans for the future to Jolein. He would become a world class politician, that much she knew already. The good kind, honest, never corrupt. He also confessed to dreaming of married life with children and a beach house, just like the one he grew up in. Jolein did not seem opposed to the idea. When he looked into her eyes, he could see the pastel pink beach house, him going off to work, fighting for what he believed was right and then coming home to Jolein in the evening. Picture perfect. They were happy and all felt as if it might work out.

That fall Jesse walked the stage at graduation. His three friends, Hannes, Rob and Sjoerd, his mother and Jolein had all come to cheer him on. Somehow they had managed to squeeze into the front row, blowing him kisses and waving frantically. He winked at the group, proudly stepping up to the podium.
He had been appointed the honor of giving the graduation speech. Jesse loved giving speeches. There were few things that felt as good as that initial rush of adrenaline as he walked up to the podium, none that he could mention to his mother. He savored the expectant hush in the crowd as he adjusted his notes and the microphone. It was a skill he loved to excel in, keeping the audience's attention with the words he picked. That's what he wanted to be: concise, clear, maybe even funny if he was lucky. He saw Rob smile at him in the crowd. Jesse could not wait to get out of the classroom for real this time. He was good at this and he had earned it. It was time for Jesse to shine in the political lime light.