Politieke Besties

Chapter 6

okay yeah I took a longer break... sorry about that everyone.... but I needed it. Much like I needed to write this part. Might it be because exam phase is looming on the horizon and I will literally do anything to not study? Strong maybe! This fanfic is getting more autobiographical than intended. I will not explain. <3
Anyway, enjoy folks. I am like genuinely properly pleased with this part. Be warned there is angst ahead!
--------

It was Monday. The rain was slashing against the windows blurring the grey world outside. April weather and soft clinks of cutlery against porcelain. Jolein was eating breakfast in the kitchen without him. Jesse had woken up on the sofa, still slightly disoriented. His head was spinning. He had drunk too much cheap wine yesterday. Jolein hadn't of course. Lucky her, he thought now. She was still rather pregnant. Jolein had served him wine, sipping on a glass of cranberry juice instead. It had started as a dinner date at home. And then suddenly, rather unexpectedly from Jesse's perspective, there had been shouting. Jolein and him, they had never fought quite like this before. It got so visceral. One of them started dumping grievances on the table, the other quickly followed in suit. It was not elegant, not diplomatic. It just got mean. Jesse should have known better. Only in the middle of the argument did he realize he might be wrong for asking what he had asked. But then when she had reacted as she did... So dismissive of what was so important to him, his ego must have taken a hit. In spite of his top-notch diplomatic training, he suddenly could not remember how to backpedal. They both went forward at full force. Jolein never shouted. Yesterday she did. Jesse could see her if he closed his eyes again, shouting: "You want to postpone the wedding? Postpone our wedding? Oh, why don't we just cancel the wedding! That would be so much easier for you, wouldn't it?" Her eyes glimmered with anger or no, it was visceral disappointment right there in her eyes. That was worse. Easier... How could she even say that? Jesse never picked easy. He had thought she had understood that about him. A politician was persistent, a fighter. Never pick easy over good. He was a politician, a good one at that.
Jesse had asked her to postpone the wedding, exactly because he was not choosing easy. Things had happened this week, he was just trying to react to them. The government was falling apart before his eyes, over a stupid austerity measure debate. They really needed him, Jesse, in the office as much as possible now. A few days ago Mark Rutte had submitted his resignation to Queen Beatrix. New elections were forming on the horizon like storm clouds. Didn't Jolein see Groenlinks needed him? Everyone was talking about the re-elections, they needed a plan. Maybe this was their chance to win big, ride off this wave. Or how it was looking, at least prevent significant losses. Everyone at work could see it. Surely Jolein knew it too. Yeah, she knew it, he really had to stick with his work now. If he lost his job now, how were they supposed to provide for the new family member coming their way? Jesse tried to explain that last night. He was fulfilling a duty, he said, shaping this country. The right words had passed him by. He remembered his sentences sounding hollow, arrogant even. Knowing how to use language in theory, did not translate well into praxis today. "How could I forget.", she muttered under her breath, when he has finished his speech, "You are already married to your work, aren't you?" Jesse's silence at that moment had made Joleins anger boil over: "You know what?", she shouted, "How about you marry another politician?" She hesitated. The next sentence was spoken in a lower voice, barely a whisper. Jolein knew it would hurt before it even passed her lips. Unfortunately for Jesse Jolein had always been able to read his weaknesses perfectly. And that little infatuation from college that sometimes still clung to him like a remnant of a time he was nostalgic for... Perfect ammunition for a cruel woman. Jolein was not a cruel woman. And yet yesterday she could not help but say it. "Why don't you marry Rob Jetten?" Her voice rang in his ears, mocking and sarcastic. Jesse knew, Jolein knew she was being unfair. Had they not agreed not to talk about what was long past? Their eyes met. She apologized then. "I don't want to marry Rob.", Jesse said, for the record. She nodded: "I know." With a flick of her wrist, the remaining content of her wine glass had disappeared down her throat. He watched her swallow the red juice. She looked great when she was angry, she always did. Today her beauty stung. She went to bed. Jesse slept on the couch.

It was Monday so he had to go to work. While he was still fighting himself to get up off the sofa a glass was placed on the coffee table with a soft clink. Water and an Aspirin. Jesse loved this woman. Jolein sat down at his feet, not speaking just yet, just sipping her coffee while he gulped down the much-needed medicine. The words fell out of his mouth on instinct, even though he knew they would not fix it. "I love you, Jolein." He placed the empty glass back on the table. His head slowly stopped spinning, now making room for a hum of anxiety in his stomach. At work there had been fighting, now he had brought work home. There was a rule against that in this house. He exhaled "I don't want to fight anymore", he murmured, just as Jolein spoke up: "Let's postpone our wedding." Jesse stared for a moment. It was not like her but maybe Jolein was making an ill-fitting joke. Or was she utilizing a kind of reverse psychology he had learned in one of her parenting guides? No, Jolein was quite serious. "They need you. I know. This is a chance. I know it is important. You need to take it.", she mumbled defeated. Jolein seemed, she wasn't quite believing what she was saying herself. She slipped off the sofa and picked up their drink vessels. Jesse reached for her arm, squeezing her hand tight. "Thank you", he breathed. A concerned smile hushed over Jolein's lips. "I know it's silly", she whispered, "But sometimes I wish I was not always competing for your time with your work. I know I am going to lose every time." Their hands slipped apart. Not every time, Jesse thought. Still, he felt guilty. She was right, sometimes she did lose out in favour of Jesse's career. That was not fair, not fair at all. He knew that, but what was he to do? He could not be successful if he never put in the work. So far Jesse had been convinced that all things considered he was a good person. Today, he felt an egotistical streak bubble to the surface. Maybe politics did that to people: making you drunk on fame, power and success and in turn encouraging all your narcissistic tendencies. He always wanted more now. Had he always been like this? Jolein did not deserve that from him. Going to the office early, getting back really late after Jolein had taken to bed. What if Jesse could never give her enough time? What if she never got what she needed from him? How long until she noticed?