Shut Up and Read The Reviews

10: Oracle || Phenabeana

Reviewer: FmEver

Title: Oracle

Author: Phenabeana

Title

The title isn't unique or descriptive, but it fits the story.

Cover

I was expecting something more magical. It's not a bad cover, but it doesn't stand out, and I don't think it fits the story.

Blurb

There's a typo: "...waiting for it to happened again." Should be "happen" and there should be a comma after "when she sleeps".

The last two sentences (last paragraph) were confusing. You need to make them clearer.

The blurb promises a story of mystery, action, and maybe fantasy elements. However, it doesn't give a lot of clues. I usually prefer shorter blurbs, but this one doesn't perk my interest.

Prologue

Sometimes one line can make a huge difference. If that line is the first line of a story, it's even more significant.

"The girl woke up with a start, propelled out of bed by terror and grief."

I like how you started strong, in the middle of the action, and introduced what I suppose is the protagonist or at least, an important character. But, the sentence isn't as strong as it could be. Some might say that the waking scene isn't original, and it's been overdone. I agree, but I like the twist and the sudden change of the mood: wake up (we usually wake up in peace vs the terror). However, I cannot see any real terror. I don't want you to tell me that the girl is terrified or sad; I want to see it by her movements, the way she runs, or the way her breath changes.

There's a "When?" that's not clear who said it.

I loved the descriptions when she "shifted". It was a beautiful part to read.

I must admit that the prologue is a little confusing. The dialogue with the mother needs editing, and I feel there are things left out that could help make the dialogue have more sense. The ending was strange too. I'd like a smoother transition after her "shift" to reality, and I believe you could make the last sentences more intense by adding glimpses of what she saw or how that moment would affect her future.

Plot/Characters

The story is unique, and I liked the world you created. I loved the way you altered history, and I'd like to see more differences and details of this world.

I was surprised to see the change of pov in chapter 2. You went from first pov to third pov, and this can be challenging. Honestly, I would be hesitant to try it, mainly because it can confuse the reader if not done well. In this case, I found the story confusing, but the pov change wasn't the main/only reason.

I found it strange that the protagonist wasn't very close with her father after what happened to her mother. There might be a reason behind her behavior, but I think you could show a few things about the past. Adding some thoughts could help too. I also wondered why she didn't seek help or studied more about what was happening to her. I felt that she wasn't searching enough, even though it seems that she cared about those visions/dreams.

Uriel is an interesting character, and his story was very interesting. His chapters were very interesting, and I'm curious to learn how he's connected to the oracle. Learning his backstory and what he is would be a must in the story.

SPaG

Don't forget to use full stops at the end of the sentence and commas when a dialogue tag follows.

Always start the sentence with a capital letter, but don't put random capital letters in the middle of a sentence.

There are some typos and some words have no space in-between as in the last sentence of chapter 1.

In chapter 2, the tenses are off: you kept switching between past and present simple, especially in the last part of the chapter. There are some other grammatical mistakes too (nothing too important), but I suggest good proofreading.

Overall impression

I believe your story would be easier to read with a little editing. That would make the paragraphs flow better too. I'd like to see your protagonist's strong, confident self as she discovers her powers. I hope it won't turn into a complete romance, and you have thought of something new and refreshing. Not that romance is a bad thing, but two protagonists don't have to necessarily end up together (that's only a personal preference).

The main idea is great and unique, so I hope it turns out to be a great story!