Burnt (Station 19)

(5). Welcome Back To Work

Lara's POV:

I had been home a week after being released from the hospital. Today was my first shift back, My siblings had gone back to their homes and Parker had left me alone so far, so good. Every time I heard a crash, I thought it was him, even if I wasn't at home, like my life could never be normal again. After him I was vulnerable and scared to stand up for myself so people took advantage.

I was taken advantage of, time and time again, over and over, till I felt useless, so I just let everyone walk all over me without any complaint. I was going back today, time to tell the last few people who didn't know, know. Surprisingly, I hadn't had a panic attack in a few days, I felt okay about doing this. Well, I did, till I started thinking about it obsessively, like I was doing now.

Taking deep breathes, I had to stop thinking about it, stop myself working up more. I had to do this, they can help me and protect me. I need to start trusting people, they weren't all going to hurt me, not everyone was vicious and painful, start moving on. Cameron wasn't every other human in the world, he was one singular person, not everyone was like him.

I shoved the covers off of me, as I heard movement in the next room, Vic had stayed to help after my siblings left. I sniffed, wiping my tears and jumped into the shower, letting the hot water run down my body in an attempt to calm my nerves. It worked slightly, I heard Vic moving around and knocking on my door, I was staring in the mirror.

I shoved on a bra and pants as she barged in, I was staring at my body, Vic came up behind me and wrapped me in her strong arms. I turned to cry into her shoulder, wishing my pain to end, she comforted me as best as she could, but nobody could help me fully. "I hate it." I sobbed and she sighed, rubbing my shoulder. "I know Lara, But we all love you." She whispered softly.

"What if they hate me, because I'm weak, I let him walk all over me, I let everyone walk all over me." I sobbed, my body being wracked with coughs, choking on air, Vic looked shocked but just held me rocking me side to side, murmuring things in my ear. Struggling to calm myself down, I just kept crying, till the sobs caught in my chest choking me.

Eventually, I had calmed down and started to get dressed, just into a top and leggings, we drove to the station together. My legs bounced up and down, side to side, my hands shook, it was an inevitable cycle of nerves. We clambered out of the car, grabbing our stuff and walked inside the Station, immediately heading to the locker room.

Vic stood by incase someone was coming so I could hide my body, I never changed in front of someone who didn't know in case they saw. "All clear." She whispered as I started to change into my uniform, "Quick!" She hissed, causing me to scramble into my trousers just hiding the huge scar on my stomach. "Hey Dean." I smiled and Vic waved, He grinned and jumped in the shower.

"Phew. That was close, you ready?" Vic asked pulling me into a hug as I nodded and we walked into the gym. "Let's just stay here for a bit, work through your anxiety so you can feel ready to come clean." Agreeing with what was said, I pulled the boxing gloves on and started punching the bag hard as Vic spotted me. "Woah! What got you so angry?" Maya laughed as she came in.

She got on the bike and started conversing with us, "Travis is in the beanery by the way. Also, welcome back Lara." She smiled at me as we packed up and left to the beanery. "Hey!" Travis called and ran up to me, smothering me in a hug. "Hey guys." I called sheepishly. "I um have something to tell you. I think I'm ready now." I sighed taking a deep breathe.

Dean and Maya came back in and sat down, I sat between Travis and Vic. "When I first came here you asked what's my story. I wasn't ready to bring it up so I said nothing. Some people know my story, some know the basics. I feel ready to trust you, but it is hard to say this and think that someone can keep your secret safe." I ranted as everyone's eyes fell on me.