Mommy Issues: Cordelia

walkies

✧flashback✧
"You said you were going to be with me forever," he yelled at me as he was quickly approaching me. I kept stepping backwards, trying to lengthen the distance between us. "I never said that," I tried to keep calm as his breathing fastened, mine remaining at a somewhat steady pace, but my heart was beating fast. "You did, you fucking liar!" He shouted at me as he rushed forward, grabbing my arms that were at my sides. I winced in pain, he had quite a strong grip on me, and he was squeezing tightly.

"You're just like the rest, Ophelia. I thought you were different," he spat as he pushed me hard against the wall, causing me to flinch with the impact. His hands released the crushing grip they had on my arms, and he raised one as if he was about to hit me. I closed my eyes, bracing for the impact, and as I brought my hands up to protect my face from the impending blow, he went flying across the room, landing with a thud on the opposite side of the room. "What the fuck," I whispered to myself as I slowly approached his unconscious body. Did I do that? I thought to myself. There was a puddle of blood under him that was slowly becoming larger, and I panicked. I ran out of the room and down the stairs, stumbling and tripping on the last step, causing me to land heavily on my left arm. I scrambled up from the floor, panting, tears falling from my eyes. I was so confused. I ran out the front door, and into the woods.
✧end of flashback✧

"I want you to know that you'll be safe here, and you can tell me if anything is ever wrong, okay sweetheart?" She said as she looked into my eyes. I nodded and looked down, breaking eye contact and she removed her hand from my chin. "Thank you," I mumbled with a small smile. "I've never really had anyone to talk to before," I told her. "It's alright, baby, that's what I'm here for," she rubbed small circles over my back with her hand.
"You better get to bed now though, it's three thirty! I'll let you have the day off tomorrow, because you're settling in, okay?" She asked, with me nodding in response.

"If you like, I'll take you for a walk around town so you can get familiar and comfortable with the areas," she said as she stood up from the couch, with me following suit. "I'd like that very much," I smiled and grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch, folding it and draping it over the back and rearranging the cushions. "Thank you, sweetheart. Goodnight," she opened her arms for a hug. "Goodnight," I hugged her back.

I walked up to my room, brushing my teeth and washing my face before climbing into bed. I lied awake for hours, staring at the ceiling and replaying today's events in my head until I eventually fell asleep.
✰✰✰

i opened my eyes and was met with sunlight streaming through the sheer curtains. i groaned and reached for my phone, checking the time. 6:45. "fuck," i groaned again.

I rolled out of bed and walked over to the closet to choose what I would wear for the day. I chose a baggy pair of cargo pants and a blondie band shirt, placing them on top of the dresser before I neatly made my bed. I threw my clothes onto the bed before making my way to the bathroom to have a quick shower. I turned the water on, adjusting the temperature before stripping and stepping in, enjoying the feeling of the warm water cascading over my body. I washed my hair and body, taking my time and enjoying the warmth of the water. When I got out, I wrapped a clean towel around me and did my skincare and brushed my teeth. I dried my hair as much as I could with another towel before going back to the bedroom to get dressed. I hung my towel up on the back of the bathroom door and then doing my makeup. I left my hair down, facing a couple of little braids at the front. I flipped down on my bed and scrolled through my socials for about ten minutes.

I decided that I would go for a walk before breakfast, so I slipped into my black scuffed up converses and grabbed a packet of cigarettes and a lighter from my suitcase, slipping them into my pocket. I grabbed a zip up hoodie, slipping it on before leaving my room, making my way quietly down the stairs and to the front door. "Ophelia, where are you going?" I heard someone ask as I reached forward to open the door. "Uh, just out for a walk, Miss Cordelia," I informed her. "Alright, but make sure you're back before breakfast at 8:00, call me if you need anything!" She called out as I opened the door. "Okay," I called back and stepped outside, wrapping my jacket tighter around me as the brisk morning air hit me. I closed the door behind me and stepped off the porch, and out the front gate. I noticed a bit of a woody area on the way here, so I decided to try and find it. I took a cigarette out of the pack and lit it, inhaling and exhaling, closing my eyes and savouring the slight buzz it gave me. I put my AirPods in and put on some Lana del Rey, (NFR of course 🙄) and walked along the side walk.

After a few minutes of walking, I found myself in the woods, surrounded by trees, grass and a little river. I sat down on the ground, leaning my back against the trunk of a tree and lit another cigarette. I exhaled, watching as the smoke rose up into the leaves of the trees before eventually fading away. I would kill for a joint right now, I thought to myself. I wonder if any of the girls could set me up?

I must have zoned out for quite a while, because when I checked my phone, it was 7:59. "Shit," I muttered and scrambled up from my position on the ground. I wiped my hands on my pants and threw the half smoked cigarette on the ground and hurried out of the woods, making my way back to the coven. Suddenly, my phone started ringing, and I snatched it out of my back pocket and answered. "Hello?" "Hi honey, where are you? We're just about to have breakfast," it was Miss Cordelia. "Um, I'm just down the street, I'll be back in five," I picked up my pace, jogging down the sidewalk. "Do you know the way back?" She asked. "Yeah, I'm just on the street behind," I responded. "Okay, alright. Be safe, see you in a few." "Okay, bye," I hung up the phone, slipping it back in my pocket and continuing the rest of the way back.

  when i got back to the coven, i opened the door as quietly as i could and tried to sneak up to my room to avoid having to be social, but of course, i had no such luck. cordelia was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. "you're back," she announced as she got up from the step she was sitting on. i shot her a smile and walked past her, up the stairs. "where are you going?" she asked as she turned around to face me. "to my room," i told her as i paused and turned to look down the stairs at her. "come and have breakfast, everyone else has finished, but i saved some pancakes for you," she smiled at me and held out her hand for me to take. "i- uh- i'm not really hungry," i muttered as i looked down at my feet. "sweetheart, you really should eat something. breakfast is the most important meal of the day, it gives you a good start to the day," she told me. "i'll have something later, miss. i don't really like eating first thing in the morning." she nodded and her outstretched arm fell back to her side. "alright," was all she said as i turned around and ascended up the stairs and into my room.

  i shut my door behind me and put my cigarettes and lighter away and flipped down on my bed. a few minutes later, i heard a knock on the door. "come in," i called and sat up. the door opened and cordelia poked her head around. "hey," she said softly as she made her way over to my bed and sat next to me. "hey," i replied and showed a small smile.

  "i know this might be a bit of a sensitive subject, but as i'm sure you know, i have read your file and i've seen that there are a few things that you struggle with, eating being one of them," she reached out to take my hand in hers and i looked up at her. "i want you to know and be comfortable enough with me that you can tell me when you're struggling with anything, whether it be eating, or anything else, okay?" she lifted her other hand up to my chin and lifted it upwards to face her. i nodded in agreement. "when we go for our little walk later, i'll take you to my favourite place to eat, if you'd like," she suggested. i nodded again. 

i didn't want to eat out anywhere. i didn't want to eat at all. especially with a woman that i am already getting so attached to.