Endless lies and deception.

A Dad

A dad

So heartbroken the anger controlled everything

The slightest things

A cup of coffee,

A bacon sandwich,

A conversation,

Oh I was terrified.

The slightest mistakes fuelled the rage

Dark as black nights

Wide wake forced to listen

Water sprayed in our faces if we even blinked too long

Heads shoved into baths and sinks

Gasping for air

Begging to get out

Whatever means necessary.

I don't blame him, I blame her.

There were good times

But it was all a mask

A façade

To seem like parent of the year

But I was torn

I needed him back

The old him

We both did.

Malicious words screamed into our faces

Too young

Too broken

Too quick.

It deteriorated as each day passed by,

Questions after questions about our beloved mother.

But he was too broken

The subject being too much to handle.

So we stopped asking,

For our own sake as well as his.

Little details of friends that stopped by asking questions

Listening intently to hushed whispered words

And never understanding

Certain places we were forbidden to go

Certain schools avoided

No matter how much I cried

"but dad all my friends are going there"

But my efforts were in vain

He never listened and never explained

Our curiosity grew

Weekend trips stopped after only 3 weeks after the court case

And we had no idea why.

Lies were forced, and a bag of sweets as reward

I still remember

Childish kids don't question sweets

You take them

And say whatever he wants because you didn't know

We didn't realise until it was too late.

Replacement mothers after another

Getting more and more heartbroken each time

not realising how that affected us

people walking and walking and walking

straight out our life's

you'd think you'd get used to the pain

but I living proof that it never goes away

cursed

that's what our family is.

Parents evening were my dad would act

Oh he does it so well

Manipulating people into thinking we were normal

When we anything but,

Neighbours asking too many questions

Shouting and screaming

They were concerned and I was relived

Relieved that some finally noticed.

He may have been broken but that never made him dumb

He'd already played that game

A fucked up childhood led to as many meeting with social services

Oh he knew how play well

And he did.

Twisted to make us seem like we bad children

God knows we just wanted to make him proud.

Stuck, trapped, encaged In our own home.

The promise that tomorrow would be different

But not because he wanted to change

He wanted us to change.