Ideal Home II Countryhumans AU [USSR x UK]

C H A P T E R 19: Stop With The Sealand Abuse

[ Short chapter cos I'm tired but still want to get a chapter out lmao

No, this is not a joke chapter. I just happened to be in a silly goofy mood. (And by 'silly goofy mood', I mean it in a very literal sense. I am not drunk or on drugs--- I just wanted to elaborate by it being literal, cos the Walten Files in me is thinking people are gonna think that I meant it like being Felix Kranken - a divorced alcoholic who cant get his shit together and ended up murdering children he calls his niece and nephew and is often memed to have just been in a 'silly goofy mood'.

EDIT: For the early birds out there, I'm sorry if the A/N at the top didn't make sense at first. I originally wrote the chapter title as something else, but then I changed it, and since I was tired, I forgot to remove it lmao. It's gone now.]

Soviet heaved a sigh as he sat on a desk with America beside him. "He could still be alive, right?" 

"Yeah, that's right!" Britain pipes up, even though he's in a world of his own and doesn't even know what the other two are actually talking about.

America put up his iconic heavily-tinted sunglasses. "...Or maybe... He did... Go ? I mean, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised. I was going to drown him either way."

" Yup!" Britain, what the hell is wrong with you? You're not even a part of this conversation.

"You were what? " Soviet glared at his step-son. "I may be e v i l, but I ain't fucking Satan."

"Mhm!" Britain, I freaking swear-

America glares back, ready to throw the damn chair at his step-dad. "And you're saying I am?!"

"I mean he does have a point!" Britain, can you maybe stop-

"How dense can you be?? Duh!" Soviet retorts back.

"...I got it!!" Britain bursts out. America turns to him, getting distracted by him, which is honestly a good thing because he was about to actually throw that chair to Soviet. And even Soviet got distracted before he did the same to America.

"What the hell are you even doing over there?! You keep talking to toys!" America yells.

Britain slowly turns around that ended up becoming borderline creepy. A small smile forms on his face that adds to the creepiness. " I finally understand. " He says with that growing manic grin.

" Hon, are you okay- " Soviet ended up asking as he and America ended up agreeing on something for once, being concerned about this man. " What the fuck, old man- " America uttered.

Apparently, Britain was somehow having a conversation with the teddy bears. As the search went on for more weeks, the Royal Navy ended up finding another teddy bear, Ms CuddleCookies. Of course, being the one who made, named, and gave said teddy bear friend, he ended up having an idea of what was going on and finding her was an important clue. While America and Soviet were having their conversation, there was Britain who was having his own with Mr Snugglemuffins and Ms CuddleCookies. Why and how is he talking to inanimate objects is beyond anyone. Maybe he's like that creepy old man in movies who tell stupid stories and stuff, but then secretly, he's actually really magical and everything that happened in the movie was his doing all along. But either way, it's baffling why this man is even allowed to still take care of children still.

Anyhow, the three of them are now set on a trip to Sealand's cozy little man-made island. Meanwhile there was Sealand and Bayani literally just healing with each other. They've been bonding a lot these past few weeks of they've been together and it deemed very useful for the both of them. Little did they know that trouble is about to come. Of course, Sealand was the first to notice. This isn't the first time the Navy checked in with him because apparently, micronations are a whole different breed of animals that need to be checked on often to see if they're causing chaos. It was like he developed his own spider-sense. He and Bayani were just doing some recycled arts n crafts work with the junk Sealand has been collecting over the past few years. He got up from the couch and grabbed his binoculars from a nearby table. "Stay right here," He commanded in a sudden stern tone. Bayani frowned as he watched his uncle walk out the shack. Sealand looked through the binoculars and uttered a small curse word under his breath. Bayani couldn't help himself and he peeked by the door. Sealand hastily came back in. "What's wrong?" Bayani questioned, becoming quite worried.

"The Royal Navy. I think they've come for you." Sealand answers. "What?!" Bayani shrieks. Sealand grabs Bayani's wrists and dragged him over to an unsuspecting secret passageway through some random bit of furniture. Bayani was concerned. "Why do you have that?" Sealand heaves a sigh as he continues his work. "Micronations aren't welcome on Earth, remember? This is an emergency tunnel for when things go downhill and I'd need to make an escape." He explains. "Hide in here."

"What about you?" Bayani questions again as he does as he was told and slipped himself into the small, tight, and rather dark passageway. Sealand chuckled a little, "I'll be fine. This ain't the first time these blokes came to investigate me." Bayani nodded a little as he went into hiding and Sealand blocked it all up again, as if nothing happened and nobody is there. He then hid every evidence that Bayani was there to the best of his abilities. And suddenly...

BAM

The door was kicked wide open. Sealand jolted and almost dropped his junk, and his heart too for that matter. He snapped his head towards the unexpected visitors and pretended to be surprised. He forced a small smile. "Oh, um, what a surprise..." He commented. "Hello Dad, America...." There was a short pause before he mentioned Soviet. "...Sir. " He may be a worthless prick to the eyes of many, but he's never going to accept the fact that communist is his step-dad.

America goes ahead and aggressively pins him to the wall. "Alright you bitch, where's the kid?!" Sealand shrieks, not exactly expecting to be faced with such violence. "...W-WHA---"

Britain walked up to them and pat America's shoulder. "Stop it. That's not how you question a suspect." America then carelessly drops his little brother and steps aside. Britain then steps forward, pulls out a pocket knife, and then points it very close to Sealand's face and there he said with a deep, creepy, and threatening voice: "Listen here, you little shit, where the bloody hell is the offspring? "

" I-I DON'T KNOW??!!" Sealand screamed as he tried to back up even though there was no more space to back up to. Soviet stood there, silently watching. " Что черт возьми не так с этой семьей?  " He thought to himself before ambling towards them and pushing the two aside. And with the most passive-aggressive face ever, he explained "We found your teddy bear, along with Bayani's. We know you know what happened. If you don't choose to comply then things will get dirty."

And that's when his aura went dark again. "Where is he? "