I cried my sobs shaking my whole body as I threw up once again into the toilet. Phil walked behind me "I swear it's okay, you need to calm down." Instead I sank by the toilet and hid my face. His arms laced around me and he pulled me up. I stood up weakly but didn't move. He handed me my toothbrush and I began to barely move it. "Sit down." He instructed and I sat on the sink cabinet. He began to brush my teeth for me and I noticed his eyes water but I couldn't really care. "Where's Dan?" I managed to ask despite having a toothbrush in my mouth. Phil stopped for a second "in therapy, maybe you should consider going, losing your brother is.." I pulled away "NO! I'm fine." His face dropped even lower and put his hand on mine. He gave me a cup of water and I rinsed my mouth out. He then led me to the guest bed. "I want to talk to him." I said numbly. Phil sat on my bed. "Talk to me." I shook my head. "Have you lost your brother!?" Again he looked hurt and almost winced. I leaned on my pillow and looked up. "It hurts..so bad Phil." He stared at me confused. "What-" he was cut off by the door opening and Dan walking in. "Dan?" I whispered willing myself out of bed. "What Ally?" He muttered not looking into my eyes, which matched my brothers. "Dan, are you okay?" He was so distant. "No." He croaked and fell to the ground in a heap. I sat beside him slowly patting his back. Phil walked in behind me holding a phone to his ear. "Guys, it's the morgue and-" Dan looked up "shut the fuck up Phil!" Phil blinked and nodded. "Dan, please, we need to get better." I whispered. He sighed and looked up. "But... Bryce.." He fell to the floor again. "C'mon" I beckoned sitting on the couch. He made his way towards me and sat down. "Stay there, I'm going to ask Phil what happened." He looked down and I walked away. I knocked on Phil's door and opened it before he answered. He was pulling something out of a drawer but quickly shut it. "Yeah?" He asked looking at me. "Why'd the morgue call?" I stared into his eyes. "Uh, they, found out why he died." I looked at him "he had cancer what the hell did they expect to happen!?" I snapped angrily at his drawing on of this. "That's not why.." I blinked back a tear "but it was terminal... I know it was they said it." Phil nodded "it was but he died from an overdose. He overdosed on sleeping pills." I felt broken, so broken. "HE DIDN'T KILL HIMSELF WITHOUT A NOTE! I know my own fucking brother and he didn't do that it's a lie!" I screamed but I knew it was true. He had asked me multiple times what the point of living was. Phil stared at me and then his eyes closed. "I'm sorry Alice" They think he did it to himself..." He trailed off his eyes watering. I whispered and left the room. I found Dan still on the couch. "They think he killed himself.." I said barely audible. "No! He could be alive? He could be alive.." His voice was faint and gone. "Dan, it's fine we'll get the through this together. We're going to see mum tomorrow." He looked up slightly "I don't want to go to his funeral it's just that.." I sighed "Dan, our brother is dead, get your sorry ass up and pay your respects." He seemed surprised but I still couldn't care. "Alice, your..." I nodded "yeah Dan I've had enough." I said walking to my room and shutting the door. I found sleep and accepted it gratefully. I opened my eyes with a headache and a handsome boy at my door. "Er.. Hi?" He said confused. I sat up quickly, surprised and scared. "Hello?" I asked standing up and feeling my hair to make sure it wasn't terrible, which it luckily wasn't. He stepped in, covering a lot of space in the one motion. "I'm Dans friend, PJ." I looked into his icy eyes, and soft tousled hair. "Hey, I'm Alice, or Ally." I whispered softly, mesmerized by his eyes. "I just came to uh, check on you. Dans out with Phil and.." I looked down "your baby sitting me aren't you?" I asked glancing up for a second. "Yeah... Dans just protective." I gave a small smile "that's extremely true." He let out a weird quirky anxious laugh, and I noticed he was rocking back and forth slightly. "So, uh, want to do something?" I said walking past PJ. "Sure, whatever you.. Uh..." I smiled "umm, how about we go somewhere." He looked surprised. "But, you.. Don't you want to.." I shook my head smiling. "I think I need a breather." He nodded and handed me my coat from the closet. I shrugged it on and we went down the lift. The ride was rather silent. He seemed to be staring blankly ahead so I just played with my hands. Finally the lift made a ping noise and opened. I stepped out and waited for PJ. He stepped behind me an we walked together to starbucks. I ordered a simple drink, he ordered his and we walked to the park holding our drinks. It looked like it would rain soon, as it always looked in London. We got to the park and sat down surveying the landscape. It was abandoned, a few birds fluttered around, and a few empty coffee cups littered the ground but not much more. "What do you like?" I said turning towards him. "Hm.. Zelda-" I smiled "I love Zelda!" I could see he was excited at this "really!?" He asked practically bouncing with excitement. We talked about Zelda for a couple of minutes before he asked me what I like. "The color green, dogs, rain, nature, imagination, writing, drawing.." I replied trailing off. I turned to face him from looking at the pond finding our faces very close. I could smell his breath which was a mixture of peppermint and coffee, and I could see the details of his face. The fact his nose was slightly crooked, and his eyes were tired. His cheekbones were well defined and his eyes were so beautiful. A blend of blue and green creating orbs that were surreal. I realized I was staring so I tried to move away but then he leaned in, and I leaned in. I wanted to kiss him but for some reason we both pulled back. After that he bit his lip and held out his hand "I'll take you to your flat, Dan should be by soon." I nodded and followed him the distance to Dans flat, that I was living in until Dan and I had the strength to return to everyday life. The ride on the lift was awkward and silent. It finally opened and we both stepped out. I leaned on the door frame of Dan and Phil's "bye" I said simply. He put his hand above me leaning on the wall "bye Alice." He whispered in a way that made me hold my breath. He handed me a pair of keys and I opened the door walking inside. I looked around to see Phil drinking a glass of hot chocolate on the breakfast counter. "Hi Phil." I said sitting next to him. "Hey, want some?" He asked gesturing to his mug. "Sure, I'll be right back, yeah?" He nodded and I walked to my room. I locked the door and grabbed some pajamas. I looked into the mirror. I had light brown hair, which was curly or 'hobbit hair' my eyes were... Confusing. They were a dark blue grey sometimes but they also became a murky green in certain lighting. I had the same nose as Dan and I was rather tall. I stared at my reflection for awhile and began to get changed. When I came back Dan was in the room apparently having a sneeze attack. "Oh my god Dan your sneezes!" I yelled doubled over from laughing. He smiled "a simple bless you would be nice!" Then it became sad and we all gathered around the fire place. Because thats how it worked, happy one minute, sad the next. "You packed your bags?" I asked sipping the warm drink. "Yeah!" They both said in unison. "Oh I don't want to go!" Dan whined and fell into Phil's chest. Phil hugged him and they sat closely. Eventually Dan sat up and stared into space. "Dan, I think it's time we go to bed." Phil said putting his hand on dans knee. Dan nodded and we all stood up to go to bed. I sank into my covers ready to slip away from the world. My dream was filled with going down a canoe with my brother Bryce laughing.
Authors note!!!!
So thanks for reading
