Our Flag Means Death oneshots (Mainly Ed And Stede)

talk to me

"Well, I'm glad that we've all forgiven each other. I hope we can all go back to how things were. And we can all be happy"

Stede smiled and the crew started to disperse to go on with whatever they needed to do.

Stede and Ed headed back to Stede's office

But the truth was

Not everyone had forgiven everyone

Ed might have forgiven Stede, but there was a part if himself that couldn't bring itself to

Ed might have forgiven him, but Blackbeard, The Kraken hadn't

His defence, the weapon he had developed against anyone who hurt him, couldn't stop thinking about the nights spent crying against the window, dousing his pain in alcohol

That small part of him that remained, wouldn't forgive him and he hated it.

Stede hasn't forgiven himself either.

He regretted every decision he ever made, but none quite as much as leaving Ed

He could never forgive himself for the pain he put the man he loved through

The believed he deserved a worse fate, he believed he deserved any and all hate that Ed should feel towards him.

Ed hadn't quite forgiven himself either

Instead of going out looking for him, Ed gave up and rowed away.

And the state he let himself get into without Stede there to guide him was pathetic

He tried to maroon and kill members of the crew, just because he was sad. Because he missed someone

It was stupid and he should have had more control

The Kraken and the Lighthouse

The monster and the curse

Neither said anything about it of course, they pretended that everything was fine. It was hypocritical, Stede knew, but neither could quite bring himself to say anything

They sat in Stede's office, on his couch, they drank whiskey, they recalled their past adventures, Stede talked about his fake death, the fuckery

Then they ran out of things to talk about. And an awkward silence ensued. Tears pricked Ed's eyes as he held in all the emotion, and he got choked up.

Stede looked over and noticed his friend and co Captain struggling

"Hey, Ed, come on. Talk to me"

"N- No, everything is fine"

"Its very clearly not, go on"

"I said, EVERYTHING. IS FINE!"

"Ed..."

Stede put his hand on Ed's shoulder but Ed jumped up from the couch

"LEAVE ME ALONE, IM-"

Tears started to fall and he choked out a sob

"-I'm fine..."

He sat back down and curled up in Stede's arms

"I'm fucking sorry Stede. I just- I dont even know who I am anymore! And I don't- I haven't- I can't- i-"

"Hey, breathe, take your time, its ok"

"But it's not ok! Stede! It's not fucking ok! Most of me forgives you, and I want to go back to how it was, but there's a part of me that desperately just wants to yell at you, to persuade you to leave me again, to tell you how awful a person I am, that doesn't want to forgive you for leaving me"

He tighted his grip on his arm and buried his face deeper into the other man's coat, slightly muffling his voice

"Theres a part if me that wants to never forgive you for abandoning me. For nights spent crying, downing a bottle of whiskey. For the self hatred that came after I got in that boat alone"

He took in a shaky breath

"Theres a part if me that never wants to forgive you for breaking my heart. Thers a part of me that hates you. And I hate it so much, Stede, I hate it. I hate it. I want to carve it out of me, and I dont know how"

"Ed. All if the hatred you have towards me is completely deserved."

He started to stroke the other pirate's hair.

"I don't think I forgive myself either. For abandoning Mary. For abandoning the kids. For abandoning you. For ruining my marriage. For ruining history's greatest pirate. For hurting you. For letting you crash on the rocks. I was a Lighthouse. A warning"

"A warning I didnt take. It was on me. It's my fault, and i shouldn't blame you and you shouldn't either. It was my fault for not going back to look for you. For not having faith in you. For leaving. It was my fault I let myself get into that state. My fault I pushed Lucius overboard. My fault I marooned the crew. My fault I threw out your books and trinkets. My fault, Stede. Mine. And I hate myself for letting me think that any of it was your's"

"It was all still slightly my fault, at least. I think what would be best is if we learn from this, and try to forgive ourselves. And never leave each other again"

"Yeah, I'd like that"

Stede smiled and kissed the top of Ed's head.

"You know, Ed, there's something Mary helped me realise, after she tried to murder me-"

"She what!?"

Ed pushed himself up, face out of Stede's coat, in anger and surprise

"Not the important bit, the important bit is, she helped me realise, that Ed..."

Stede cupped Ed's cheek in his palm

"Ed, I love you"

Ed sat upright and pulled Stede to lie over his legs.

"I love you too, Stede"

He pulled the other man close and the shared a gentle kiss

They both went to sleep that might feeling at least slightly better.

It was a step towards forgiveness.