Alterity

CHAPTER 35

Marley and I make out for what I can only describe as a brief eternity. The guilt burning at the center of my chest begins to subside, replaced with a painless and pleasant warmth that I never want to go away. When he finally pulls back, I'm reluctant to open my eyes. I'm worried that once I do, the reality of what just happened will sink in and bury me in regret. But that doesn't happen. When I open my eyes, all I see is Marley's dorky smile. Blushing, I reach out to adjust his crooked glasses before they slip off his face. 

"Thanks," he laughs. 

"No problem," I say, softer than I intended. 

I don't wear glasses so Marley returns the favor by brushing my bangs off my face, which makes me laugh too. 

"Thanks," I say, fixing my hair myself. 

"Did I not do it right?" 

"No." 

"Oh, whoops." He rubs his fingers along my arm. "Can I ask you something?" 

"Always." 

"Did you mean that? The kissing thing?" 

I raise my eyebrows, confused. "Did I mean it?" 

"Yeah, like . . . did you just do that or are you actually into me?" 

A lump forms in my throat. Part of me wants to say "no." The same part of me that wants the answer to be "no." But it isn't. What's strange is that it doesn't feel like something changed; there wasn't suddenly a spark. I really don't know when it happened, but I can't deny anymore that I do like Marley. In all honesty, this is the happiest and most comfortable I've felt in a long time. 

"I am," I admit. "Into you, I mean." 

His mouth falls open a few centimeters in apparent surprise. "Wait, for real?"

I nod. 

Marley's face erupts into the dorkiest grin I've ever seen, then he throws his arms around me and pulls me into a tight hug. I hadn't noticed until now, but he's trembling. 

"You good?" 

"Yeah I'm great," he says. "Sorry, I don't know why I'm shaking so much." 

I don't know either, but it makes my heart start beating faster. In a good way. "Don't be sorry, it's actually kind of sensory friendly." 

Marley laughs, kissing the side of my neck, which riddles my arms with goosebumps. He notices this and does it again. And again. My love for Leo isn't gone, but I've changed my mind. I don't want to keep waiting for someone that pushed me away and insulted me for months. I get why Leo did it and I do forgive him. But I'm tired of hurting. I need to do what's best for me. Marley continues kissing my neck, gently working his way up to my lips. And I don't dare stop him.