The Diary of a Mary Sue

Chapter 1 - Stupid Gets a Crush

Deer dierie,

HAIIIIIII meh name is Sapphire Tulip Umbridge Petunia Imogen Dementia but u can call me stupid! todeh is gunna be meh forst dae at reel hooman high skool. i em so excited to maek all da frends even tho i am SOOO uglee :(((( i hæv brait paenk hair that is as long as niagruh folls and big bloo eyez. EWWWWW I AM SOOOOO UGLEEE! enywae i æm prolly laet for skool so BYE BYEEEEE!!!!

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Stupid took a glance at her diary entry and admired her awesome spelling abilities. She didn't mean to brag at all, of course, but she thought she had really improved since last year. She had never learned to write before eighth grade, as she spent so much time fending away her secret admirers beforehand.

She put on an casual, yet cute ensemble consisting of a floor length white bridal gown, twelve-foot high black platform heels, and a paper bag over her head to cover her face.

Some thought it strange, but the paper bag was kind of a staple. She was so beautiful that anyone who looked at her glorious face either died on impact or kidnapped her. Not that she SAID her face was gorgeous, of course. She didn't want to sound conceited, you know?

Stupid tried to subtly sneak out her window so that her parents didn't catch her going to school. School was expressively forbidden. Her dad said that her mind was too "cursed" for school and that she would make a horrible addition. Stupid didn't know any better, so she took that as a compliment.

Stupid jumped out of her bedroom window, which was approximately 456 feet above the ground. She landed on her feet easily, not a single injury obtained. She started walking to school, when suddenly, she experienced a greater shock than the jump.

The hottest smexiest edgiest most rebellious bad boy she'd ever seen. This boy had black and red shaggy hair that made him look like a wannabe JB and blood red orbs. He wore a white shirt with literal blood stains on them, black ripped jeans, and black combat boots. He also had wolf ears and a wolf tail. He was blowing on a lollipop stick, probably trying to get high or something.

Stupid fell down immediately. "OMG U-UWUUU!!! IM SO SOWWY SENPAIII >w<." (Oh yeah, Stupid can actually SAY emoticons. What, did you expect her not to? She's SOOOO perfect, remember?)

The boy smirked. "It's no problem, my little kitten. Here, want me to help you up?"

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. It was larger and thicker than any guy's she had ever felt, and sweatier too. As his hand enveloped hers completely, pumping in and out, she could feel the shockwaves running through her. Her path of breathing began to feel constricted and she found herself gasping for air as he pulled her up, and up, and up. And before they reached the top, he threw her back on the ground.

The boy sneered at her. "That's what you get for trusting the alpha male. You're a cutie, though. I won't deny that."

Stupid was literally wearing a paper bag over her face, so it's not as if he even knew what she looked like. But she felt herself blushing. "UWU TYSMMMMMM QT <3"

The boy smirked. "No problem, kitten. Now, I have to go to school at Mike Hawk High School. Don't follow me there, or ELSE."

Stupid stood up, but she fell back down again. She was SOOOOO clumsy xD lawlz and it was SOOO embarrassing >_>. "B-B-B-BUT SENPAI, AI AM ALSO GOING TO MIKE HAWK HAIGH SKEWL!!"

The boy pushed her back so she landed on the ground for the third time within the span of a minute. "Don't follow me! I have a reputation to uphold, and a dark past..."

He then walked away, offering no explanation whatsoever about his reputation or his past. But that's ok, because don't we all already know his reputation was that he was a colossal d-bag?

Stupid stood up, determined to at least know something about this mysterious enigmatic man-dog, or whatever that thing was. "B-B-B-BUT BAKAAAA~ WUTS UR NAME???"

The bad boy stood up, smirking, with his red orbs gleaming down on Stupid. "I haven't told anyone this yet. But what can I say, I'm in a good mood today. I'm Slate Todoroki Damian, but everyone calls me STD for short. Now walk at LEAST 20 steps behind me. I don't want to be seen with you at school!"

He took off, and Stupid was left smiling like her namesake. She didn't care that this boy had probably killed somebody right before he walked out based on the blood stains on his shirt. She didn't care that he seemed to be obsessed with being a wannabe stoner. She didn't even care that he went by 'STD,' for crying out loud. All she cared about was what she FELT for this... thing. And what she felt? It was none other than the truest of love.

a/n: hi! so, i'm not sure whether to say i hope you enjoyed this or not. because if you GENUINELY enjoyed this, you probably need to see a doctor for that. but it's not personal, since i probably need to see a doctor too for voluntarily writing this.  still, unless i die of rage in the middle of writing the next chapter, expect there to be more from me. that's all for now, stay tuned!