Sugar, we're going down

Cinq

Luke was still panting when he closed his door behind him. Ashton had sucked the air out of his lungs, without touching his lips, skin-on-skin contact and his gorgeous laugh enough to render Luke breathless. Despite his pants and the endless trembling, there was a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Someone's in a good mood."

Luke snapped his head up, eyes still a little too wide and his thoughts all jumbled. Harry smiled at him from across the room.

"I went outside," he whispered. "I went outside!"

Harry giggled loudly, shoving his laptop off his lap to stand up. His curls bounced up and down as he walked, framing his face like the work of art it was. Perched on top of his hair sat a flower crown, purple and blue flowers weaved together, and Luke couldn't have been happier. Harry took his hand, dragging him to the couch, and they sat down with their knees touching.

"I walked outside in the sun, and there were so many people, H. You should've seen it! I went to Starbucks to order some coffee. That didn't go too well, but Ashton came and-"

It felt silly. It was silly. His enthusiasm and Harry's grin and the fact that Luke was gushing like a teenage girl. They both knew just how silly it was, stupid and ludicrous. Luke had gone outside before, that's how he met Ashton in the first place, and there were classes and trips to the grocery store, but Luke wasn't suffocating right now.

He may have been panting, but those were the traces Ashton left behind. A sign of excitement, not of dread, and Harry could've recognised it from miles away.

"He dropped me off."

Luke finished his rant, his eyes crinkling at the sides.

"Ashton's the rich dude? The guy who gave you his business card?"

He nodded, and Harry's smile dropped a little. It was barely noticeable, but changes in demeanour rarely escaped Luke. As his confidence dropped, his perception sky-rocketed, his mind often tricking him to see things that weren't there.

"What? What's wrong?"

Harry shook his head, trying to get his grin back. When he saw it wasn't working, he crawled off the bed, leaving Luke's knees cold and taking his smile with him.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about something. It doesn't matter," Harry muttered, brushing his hair out of his face. He turned away from Luke and walked into their tiny make-shift kitchen.

Luke sighed, but dropped it, when Harry came back with a tiny carton box in his hands.

"Look what Louis got us!" He smiled, his eyes twinkling this time. His fingers looked huge compared to the pastries, delicate and tiny, a perfect description of their seller. "Éclairs." Luke giggled when Harry attempted a French R, trying desperately to ignore the clenching in his stomach.

"How was he today?"

Harry grinned, repositioning his flower crown to keep his hands busy. He always got jittery when talking about Louis, the good kind, not the Luke kind.

"Great, as always. He said he was wondering when you'd finally stop by." Harry paused, his voice a little softer as his tone became serious. "It would be a good exercise, you know?"

Luke swallowed, avoiding Harry's gaze. The weight on his chest was too heavy to ignore now.

"Does he... know?"

Harry was silent for a moment, eyes soft and pitying when he looked at Luke.

"No, he doesn't. He's just eager to meet you, that's all."

He tried to fix it with a smile, bring the happy mood back, but what he'd said earlier was still lingering in Luke thoughts, and Luke wanted to seize the opportunity to ask.

"What was wrong? Earlier, I mean."

Harry sighed, taking a seat next to Luke on the couch. His hand wrapped around Luke's, they felt warm and huge, just like Ashton's did, and Luke thought that maybe Ashton's hands felt like that only because his own were small and always cold.

"I'm just a little scared," Harry whispered, looking down at his lap. "You're my friend. I don't want you getting hurt, and I don't know this guy."

"What do you mean?" Luke asked. He sounded like a child, he could tell. Harry squeezed his hand before continuing.

"It sounds too good to be true. A hot, rich man comes along and sweeps you off your feet. I can't help but think, what's the catch?"

Luke winced and untangled his fingers from Harry's.

Harry was right. He knew that. Luke had been through too much, was too messed up to believe in fairy-tales.

"I think I may know the answer to that. Or a part of it, maybe," he whispered. "He says he doesn't want to go on a date with me just yet, says he has to do something first."

He clenched his fists in his lap, staring at the tendons in his hand and the way they ran over his knuckles. They were silent for a while, and Harry shuffled forward so their thighs were touching.

"I know," Luke said. "I know what you're thinking. It's dodgy and strange, but fuck, the guy saved me from a panic attack today. If you hadn't noticed yet, I'm a little fucked up. My disorder sets the expectations higher than most people can handle. I can't just drop him, not because of this, not yet."

Harry nodded, leaning forward. His lips felt warm on Luke's forehead, and wet and soft and familiar.

"Alright, I understand. Just be careful."

A/N

Tomorrow is my first day of school after my break. Yay. And the substitute teacher who helped me through my oral exam will be gone and the previous annoying and stupid and authoritative and kill joy of a human being will be back. (But I am going to bring cookies and crisps to school to celebrate my birthday!!)

Fun Fact of the Day: I decided to try and write on the actual Wattpad site today, despite certain previous experiences where I lost all my work (it looks so aesthetically pleasing now) and I ended up publishing my first draft, ended up losing half of my chapter, ended up crying, ended up finding the lost part of the chapter back, and ended up losing my author's note.