Sugar, we're going down

Sept

Five weeks later Luke was sitting in a restaurant once again. It was a pizza place this time with greasy tables and underpaid waiters, and Ashton had paid the owner to only play Luke's calming down playlist all night. He was wearing a shirt Ashton had bought him. It matched his features perfectly, and the fabric felt like heaven. Luke had held it in his hands last night, trembling fingers hovering across his keyboard. He wanted to google the brand, check just how expensive it was, but Harry came home before he could go through with it.

"Luke?" Ashton asked, gently rubbing his thumb across the palm of Luke's hands. Luke had gotten used to the gentle touches, eager yet hesitant, and there only to comfort him.

Luke whispered, "Sorry, I was daydreaming," but his thoughts were stuck on the fact that the table was set for three.

Ashton noticed, smiling sadly. "It's okay," he whispered, although it sounded like he was the one apologising. His eyes were glassy with unshed tears, hands trembling on top of Luke's.

"I suppose I should finally tell you, right?"

Luke swallowed thickly, and it felt like his lungs were shrinking, because yes he was breathing, but no he wasn't get enough air.

"No," he squeaked, cringing at himself. "Please wait."

Ashton looked up, surprised by his outburst.

"Can you give me your coat?"

"I—, of course. Let me just—"

Ashton stumbled out of his chair with a clumsiness Luke had never seen before. His hands felt warm when Ashton draped the pea coat around his shoulders. Luke sighed contently, sinking back into the heat of the fabric until it swallowed him whole.

It was quiet for a moment, the chatter of other clients soothing for once while Tyler Joseph sang in the background.

"Luke—" Ashton paused, his trembling hand searching Luke's as he blinked back tears. "You do know that I love you, right?"

Luke's heartrate sped up. His whole face turned red, as he clenched his free hand into a fist. His lungs seemed to shrink, keeping him from getting enough air.

"Luke?" Ashton pulled his fingers to his lips, gently kissing them without letting his eyes leave Luke's features. His long eyelashes were glued together with tears, but he made no move to hide his emotions. "I'm sorry," he whispered, as if he believed uttering those three words had hurt Luke somehow.

"Please, just get it with," Luke whimpered, slowing down when he corrected himself. "Get it over with."

Ashton smiled softly, at what Luke didn't know, and sent a quick text on his phone. His curls hid his eyes as he looked down, precious gold in the filthiness of the pizza restaurant. Luke wanted to run away.

Before he could flee, though, a boy appeared in the doorway, and Luke suddenly regretted not calming his anxiety before giving Ashton the permission to reveal his secret.

His brown skin was gorgeous, glowing underneath the cheap lamps that illuminated the restaurant. His hair was tousled too perfectly for it to be effortless, his shoulders engulfed by a long black coat. Luke noticed the logo of his new shirt had been embroidered into the fabric and swallowed. The boy's smile disappeared when he noticed Ashton's coat wrapped around Luke, but he held out his hand nonetheless.

"Hi, I'm Calum. I'm Ashton's husband."

*

The cold wind sent shivers down Luke's spine. He had ditched Ashton's coat, and the thin shirt wasn't doing much to keep him warm. The moon hung low, casting uncertain beams of light on the carpark outside of the restaurant. Luke wanted to text Harry, ask him to come pick him up, but his fingers were shaking too badly.

"Hey, are you alright?"

Luke startled, cursing the way it made his body ache. His senses were heightened. Even the weakest sensation made him feel like he'd been hit by a freight train, knocking the air out of his lungs and electrocuting his nerves.

"Fine," Luke whispered, half of his words evaporating in the darkness. The sight of Calum hit him hard.

"Are you sure?" Calum asked, leaning too close. Luke could see wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, remnants of years spent with Ashton. His hot breath hit Luke's cold skin, and Luke felt himself cringe.

Had Luke's nose turned a violent red? Did his own breath smell like the pepperoni pizza he had just devoured, with cheese strings sticking to his chin and grease staining his fingers? Had Calum seen how messily he eats? How his hands shake and twitch?

"Ashton told me you don't always feel comfortable," Calum said. Luke didn't respond, so he continued: "Ashton, he─he worries. About you."

Calum fell silent, his lips forming a tight line once again. His eyes looked sad, despite the things he'd said earlier, when they were still inside. The tingling heat in the pit of his stomach he'd felt when Ashton smiled at him, seemed like an old memory.

"Please say something," Calum asked, taking a step back. "Ashton really wants this to work."

Luke focussed on his breathing, forced himself to take deeper breaths. Suddenly, he longed for Ashton's coat, for the comfort its weight on his shoulders had brought.

"I don't─I don't even know you!" His voice sounded too harsh, and Calum cringed.

"Then get to know me." Calum sighed, looking at his hands. He looked impossibly beautiful in the moonlight. Not even the vile streetlights could soil his grandeur. "He won't stop talking about you, you know that? He worries if you're eating enough, if your anxiety isn't bothering you too much. Whenever he talks about you he─his voice gets a little lighter." Calum paused, raking a hand through his hair. "He wants to keep you close, Luke."

He stepped closer, the scratchy exterior of his coat rubbing against Luke's bear arm. He could feel his warmth radiating through the fabric and focused on not leaning too close or too far away. When he spoke, Calum's lips were so close he could feel the echo of his words.

"He wants us both."

A/N

I'm literally in the middle of my finals right now. Took my French exam this morning. Perfect moment to write things I'll never publish!