conquest of spaces

VII

eros was never the neat type, nor the messy one, his place always seemed comfortable in some sort of way but if he needed to leave he didn't have to put a lot of effort in it, he was never a person to decorate which was the opposite of amir as he left his mark anywhere he went  with his side screaming science in a messy way, it mirrored his personality.

"you sure love chemistry," eros commented as he sat down on the grey  penguin beanbag chair.

amir was sat on his desk doing the homework that should have been done a very long time ago. "wasn't a fan, but then i stumbled across my high school teacher- who was kind enough to help me though my mess and actually believed in me  which made him one of the few father figures in my life."

"were you close to your father?" the question left eros' mouth without thought which he instantly regretted.

"you don't exactly want to be close to the source of abuse in your life do you?" amir said as he wrote his answers in disorder, when he didn't gain a response he raised his head to look at eros," sorry, i didn't mean to..." he felt lost of words as he couldn't think of a proper way to apologies.

"was he that bad?"

that comforted amir to a certain extent so he went back to writing. "i'm not sure," he chuckled, " one of the early memories i have of him was him screaming at me- hitting me at some point because i didn't pray. it's kinda funny if you ask me, someone as religious as him couldn't follow something as basic as respecting  his kids- not that i have a problem with my religion, it actually brings me peace, it's the people who practiced it that were the issue. he actually was that crazy to threaten to get me out of school because we had an argument about me not revising the Quran, which made him lock me in my house for a week. " he paused for a moment," when it all comes down, at the end it was his fault or i like to think it that way, the fact that i have never been as religious as him, but can you really blame me? i grew up in fear. instead of a loving father, i got a man who poured all his rage on me. i don't want to blame myself cause it would hurt more. and it it was uncommon in my family to defy your  parents or ask something that you didn't understand in our religion, and even asking my friends brought me some sort of anxiety cause what if they tell their parents or my own- can you pass my the eraser?"

eros got the eraser and sat on amir's bed, giving it to him.

amir muttered a thank you and continued, "at some point i stopped practicing anything, i still had faith but it was weak, i thought i was hypocrite- cause how could you pray with the only thoughts in your head was to kill yourself. everyone said that if i do this or read that i would be okay but it never happened, i waited for them to treat it as a serious issue but they never did. i'm trying to get back on track, but it's taking a lot of time."

" if they asked to forgive them would you?"

"you know what hurts the most? not the countless insults or the continuous abuse- it's that they never saw that they were wrong, they couldn't be merciful to little kids- their own kids. at some point i had to cry myself to sleep because of them. it didn't take me long to realize there was something wrong with them- especially my father, at the ripe  age of seven he would sit me down with a stick-if that's the right word- for hours to the point where i couldn't walk... but the thing is," he looked up to eros," i will always forgive my mother. call me sick for doing so but  i always will,  even when a lot of things could have been avoided if she did something, she was there after the damage even if she doesn't admit it, the time when i got badly injured and my father swore not to take me to the hospital, she dealt with my wounds and then took me out the entire week to make me happy."

"if she knew, why didn't she get a divorce?" 

"because it was never directed to her, if he ever thought of laying a hand on her they would have gotten a divorce a very long time ago."

"but you're her kids? how could she-"

"it isn't a common thing to get a divorce in our society- she feared who people will look at her and us, but divorce wasn't a hard topic for us- actually it was discussed every week or so, but taking an action wasn't something they knew how to do. but thanks to that i get to take teachers as parental figures and try my best to impress them which got me where i am now."

eros closed his eyes, trying to process all that had been told and how amir could talk so causally about it. "i um... i don't know what to say- i'm sorry. do you need a hug?" he entered his panic mood.

"no, but i do need to get somethings from the supermarket."

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" i forgot to ask, what did nour want from you?" eros put down spaghetti in the cart.

"sometimes i genuinely forget that he was an important part of my life and i would neglect boundaries for him, "he sighed, " i call it growth. back to the point, there a rumor about tala and somehow he thought i was responsible for it ."

"what rumor?"

amir shrugged, "couldn't pick it up as he was busy shouting, but he  probably was using big words to make me look like an idiot- not sure who told him that doing so would make look like an intellectual- too bad he can't use it to pass  his tests."

"are you shaming him right now?"

"in every way possible, yes." eros chuckled as they both walked to the sweets aisle. "see that girl with pink hair on your left?" 

eros got confused between his left and right for a second, "yeah?" 

amir leaned closer to whisper to him, " i heard that she slept with her professor to get high marks." eros  suddenly snapped at her direction with wide eyes. "see that blonde over there, it was said that he cheated on his girlfriend three times." eros glanced at the guy with mouth . ,  opened, "and that boy over there,  his parents bribed everyone to forget about the car accident that he caused." eros' hand covered his mouth as he tried to process.

"you know all of them?"

amir laughed, "no."

"what?! you don't know them?"

"that's how nour said i started the rumor,"

"but they are strangers, why would you?"

"my point exactly, i know how rumors affect the person, so i wouldn't exactly want to put someone in that place, unless..."

"unless?!" eros exclaimed  loudly which bought the attention of everyone around to them, amir put his hand on eros' head to lower it.

"sh, sh, i was teasing you that's all, i would never do that."

eros held a blank face while amir barely stopped himself from laughing.

"you're evil." eros scratched the back of his neck as turned to look away from amir.

"i try my best," he said while still chuckling. 

eros couldn't help but smile at the aura that amir has created. it has been a while since he felt a since of relief.

if only it could last longer.  

       

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i wrote this while listening to happiness by taylor