And the rest, is Johann

Chapter 9. Carpe diem, memento mori (III)

It was now like a whole new act in that life of theirs, in which the conflict arose in the shape of a family murder, his turn, and the resolution was left for her to define. It hadn't been the turn of the Lieberts anymore, but of the Fortners, and as the capricious girl she was her resolution had moved from fear to anger and from oblivion to revenge. Finally a third act of forgiveness, and all that was left to wonder.

It had been impossible not to bring the topic into one of their first conversations, daring to expect some sort of answer, even if by now nothing that had been told at that time was true anymore, for either of them. He had planned to leave and disappear, she had planned to control and now... nothing made any sense.

Desperate to find an escape to that newfound paranoia, her mind clung obsessively to the idea of forgiveness, what it meant for both of them, and the consequences, if there had to be any.

She finished folding some of her clothes in a hasty manner to leave her bedroom. His door remained closed, the silence, deadly, her footsteps leading towards the first floor. After a glance at the clock, she decided to cook something for lunch, even if she ended up just picking some bread and cheese.

Standing in the kitchen, she was practically toying with her food, cutting the tiniest dices of cheese.

She wanted an answer, a real answer this time, to the question of forgiveness. She deserved to know whether those words had made all of this happen, or on the contrary, he found them amusing even, so out of touch with reality.

She heard his footsteps as she was cleaning the dishes, going down the stairs. And there he was, again, silently positioned by the door, in that same spot where she had stood at the sight of her dead parents. Staring at those corpses that weren't there anymore, that he had never seen.

He was about to attack.

At least that's what the hidden tension in his body suggested to her the few seconds he remained there, frozen, to suddenly change strategies and relax, to the point where he appeared indecisive. She had learned by now to detect the most subtle changes in him, a new skill meant solely as a survival instinct.

Without a word, he decided to approach, to finally sit by the dining table, just a couple of meters away from her, even with the kitchen counter in between.

She wondered how should she even start addressing it, she didn't want to ask out of the blue but either wanted any useless mind games, not when she had no chance to win. She still felt incredibly hurt, and his presence was enough to make her teary, questioning how she hadn't grown a thicker skin by now, after all those months.

It was past lunchtime so she used it as an excuse to break that awkward silence.

"Would you like something to eat? There are some leftovers on the fridge, pasta primavera and..." She managed to keep a casual tone, drying the dishes now.

"No, thanks. I'm not hungry." Fine, let him starve if that's what he wants. Still, she took a deep breath and grabbed an apple from the fruit platter, leaving the kitchen area to approach him.

"Eat." She left it on the table in front of him, as she had done many times before to stop him from starving himself to death, which sometimes seemed his current life goal.

His eyes had followed her in complete silence, probably predicting that course of action. And she predicted his, who grabbed the apple with his left hand. It would take a while before he decided to bite it.

She stood by the table, not knowing what to do, how to escape.

"You can still see them every time you enter this room, it doesn't matter how much time passes." She could see his eyes drifting on those places where their corpses had laid. "You talked about it in therapy. You also said that this no longer felt like a home to you, not in a safe, welcoming way." Only then he slightly raised his head in order to face her, taking the apple between his hands. "It's strange, but I feel the same way, and the corpse I see welcomes me every time I enter, from that sofa," he suddenly turned around, to completely extend his arm and point the couch in front of them, under the window.