Blindly Loyal - Lookism Fanfic (Sporadic Updates)

Chapter 10

[TRIGGER WARNING - read with caution]

Even though Jade hasn't met Jake Kim many times, the man had a distinct sound of footsteps that Jade could soon recognize from their few encounters.

"Hey. you said you're never coming back!" Sinu complained after swallowing a bit of store-bought food.

"Am I not allowed in here?" Jake sassed back. "My friends like the restaurants on this street so we came by to eat some good food."

"The food? It's all store-bought, kiddo." Sinu huffed, Jade could hear the smile in his voice. "Isn't that right? Samuel."

"If it means I can eat better food later... I don't mind eating here for now." Samuel commented during his pause from eating.

"Are you guys done eating? Then let's go~ our romance." Sinu laughed, although the laugh was more towards himself and the volume was almost inaudible.

...

Sinu was an interesting character to Jade, he was someone who hid all the thorns towards the inside for he never seemed to want to hurt anyone. It was similar to Jade, but at the same time different.

Since birth, Jade has been blind, but he was very aware of his surroundings, his mother was often upset. In fact, he has never heard her genuinely laugh from the bottom of her heart, maybe a mocking one but never with joy or happiness. His father...his father was often never around and when he was he was always looking for money.

Jade was smart for his age but due to their poverty never had a chance to shine in such a light, he was capable even when blind, he went to a public school that had no accommodations for people with disabilities like his, because of this Jade never got to learn how to read or write, he knew how to speak but it wasn't like he knew what the alphabet looked like only what it sounded like. And more common than not he was excluded by his peers and ignored by the teachers or faculty. Jade wasn't very in touch with his emotions, nor was he very attuned with socializing for example social cues were never comprehensible, they were awfully hard to understand.

But at the core of the issue, he didn't deserve to have feelings. His mother would more often than not yell at him. She hated Jade and she hated his father, but she couldn't do much against his father since he wasn't home often, and when he was it was during the night when she was asleep, on the other hand, he was stronger than her.

The most prominent memory that Jade had when he was young would be when he first realized that something was wrong with his family. His mother would often cry at night but Jade didn't really understand why. But Jade once woke up in the middle of the night hearing his father's footsteps and the sound of rummaging, acting as a thief.

"What are you doing?" Jade asked softly to his father.

"Shut up." His father snarled. "You better shut up, you hear me!" His father's voice had become rather threatening, Jade didn't really understand the concept of fear but he couldn't help but shudder a bit and passively nodded his head. When the sun rose he decided to ask his mother about it, although he was a tad hesitant after all his mother didn't like it when he talked and even less when it was about his father. But he was curious.

"Why does dad scurry around the house like he is looking for something all the time?" He asked his mother his voice rather quietly, she didn't like his voice to begin with, and if he spoke louder it would be offensive.

"It's all your fault" his mother snapped, "Didn't I tell you you're never to mention your father in front of me!" She screeched. "Get in! GET IN! Not a sound from you!" She had grabbed Jade by the arm as she dragged him towards the old dresser, the wood had a stale smell and once shut was rather small.

Jade bit his lip. "But.." He had risked asking but gained no answer.

"SHUT UP!" She screamed as she raised her hand and was about to strike down. Jade could tell that he was going to be punished again, he should have known better than to talk about his father's actions to his mother, but he wanted to know if he knew better, maybe he could help.

But now he was being punished, he was a bad boy. Jade could sense a mile away that his mother was going to hit him, but he deserved it. He was bad, and being bad meant he deserved to be punished. Jade stood still to receive the strike that landed harshly on his cheek making a crisp sound. He lowered his head in shame as he felt the sting, he allowed his mother to stuff him into the old dresser, once he was inside he was locked in.

...

Jade knew he was one of the two devils that haunted his mother. He was one and his father was the other. She would always tell him how he shouldn't have existed, to begin with. He knew. His father was often not home but he himself was often there to haunt his mother. He was evil. He was a monster. His inability to see and his ability to distinguish things by sound had scared them. His eyes when he was born had been a dull gray-blue that didn't gleam like normal, but even when he couldn't see he was very capable of hearing lies, knowing where you were, and exposing your secrets.

He could hear the truth and distinguish the false. When you didn't fully believe in your own lie he could tell. His father hated being near him, hated the thought of exposing all his faults and placing them right in front of his face. But what did Jade know at the time? He didn't understand why people lied, nor why they were embarrassed by the things they themselves had done. If they knew it was bad, why do it at all?

But then again, he himself would often still bring up his father to his mother, he himself would ask questions that would stab at their hearts, wasn't that bad, to make others feel uncomfortable, his existence brought discomfort so naturally, he was doing things that were bad.

In fact, there was a time when Jade would cry when he was forced into the dresser, it was cramped in there, it would intensify the noise he could hear, the stench was rather foul, and being alone was what really scared him. It was hard to hear what was outside of the dresser, but the noise inside would send shivers down his spine. But what was worse was when he could no longer hear the sound of his mother who put him inside the dresser. There were times when he would be locked in there for days on end, only to finally be remembered when he could no longer recognize what pain from hunger was.

He started to stop being curious about things. It was too much effort. He would never be able to make his mother happy, no matter how quiet he stayed, no matter if he stayed in the dresser, no matter if he remained motionless when his mother used him to relieve stress. He got used to trying to gain her attention, he wondered how it would be if he really didn't exist in the first place. He also realized that once he didn't feel anything it became simpler. All he had to do was obey. Each punishment he received was because he deserved it. He was a monster. He terrorized his mother with his existence. He was a demon. He stopped asking about his father. He stopped talking because every time he spoke it would hurt her. Every time sound came from his lips it would anger her. Just the aspect of opening his mouth would irritate her. He only existed because of her, naturally, she had the right to own him. It was easier once he recognized that he was a being of evil that always caused pain and should always remain leashed. As long as he obeyed the pain brought to his mother would be less and the punishment brought to him would also be less, but then again any punishment she was willing to give he would gladly receive.

...

"If you didn't exist, I would be free, I wouldn't have to be here." Jade's mother sighed as she rested her shoulder against the dirty walls of their home staring off towards the ceiling. "I wouldn't be surrounded by demons that constantly remind me that I live in a shit hole." She continued. "But don't worry, once you die both you and your father will burn in hell as you deserve. Only bad people go to hell. That's where they go to get punished, they will be punished forever, constantly burning in fire. Which is just perfect. Once you are gone I can be free. It's your fault. It has nothing to do with me. I'm different. Once I die I won't be in hell like you two who have to pay for their sins, I'll go to heaven!" She muttered with hysteria finishing off with a laugh that seemed somewhat genuine.