Ambivalent (18+)

5.0

𝕿𝖗𝖚𝖘𝖙: 𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖒 𝖇𝖊𝖑𝖎𝖊𝖋 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖑𝖎𝖆𝖇𝖎𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞, 𝖙𝖗𝖚𝖙𝖍, 𝖔𝖗 𝖆𝖇𝖎𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞 𝖔𝖋 𝖘𝖔𝖒𝖊𝖔𝖓𝖊 𝖔𝖗 𝖘𝖔𝖒𝖊𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌

- 𝕺𝖝𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖑𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖚𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖘

Callies POV

The next two weeks fly by, my day consists of nothing but attending university or lounging about.

I really should get a job.

Once I get used to having to wake up early and attend lectures, it's as if it was never a struggle, to begin with.

 I hadn't seen Ryder since his inappropriate comments and I'm glad I hadn't, it allowed me to get on with my life.

Sadie had been so supportive and confessed that Flynn and Ryder had been friends for many years but didn't know our connection to one another. 

Which is quite believable seeing as I downright refused to talk about him at all when he left.

Flynn had avoided me, whether that was because he was busy or not I had no clue but I just took it as him feeling guilty about being the cause of us being in such an awkward situation.

I was content to move on and go back to normal. Austin had been bugging me to see him all week and I decided I should go just for a change in scenery. 

We met at his house, he lived with 6 roommates and normally I would protest going to such a zoo but I felt I owed it to him after avoiding him for 2 weeks. It was near uni anyways so it wasn't completely out of my way.

"What's wrong Cal? You haven't said anything since you arrived." He states sitting next to me brushing my hair to one side.

"Nothing I just have a lot on my mind lately." I sigh.

The truth was, I did have a lot on my mind, everything had become overwhelming and I couldn't help but feel numb towards everything that was going on around me.

Sometimes days merged into one and other days it felt like nothing was wrong, I've tried to break the cycle and pretend everything was okay but I guess that's what happens when you've experienced depression and anxiety.

It doesn't really go, it just settles for a bit, like at any moment it could consume your entire being.

I try not to fall back into it as a form of control but of course, I'm only human and I can't control everything I feel, unfortunately.

"Let me help you forget baby."

The way he says baby makes me feel sick and I immediately no longer want to be touched.

"Okay." I nod and start to peel away each particle of clothing until we're both in nothing but our underwear.

Sometimes I just wish I could stop being such a people pleaser and say no.

Like no Austin I don't want to keep having sex with you and I certainly don't think your mediocre sex is going to make me forget everything.

"I- I can't." I splutter out.

"What do you mean?" He immediately pulls away and I'm thankful he does.

I pace twisting my hands amongst each other, I have to put a stop to this it's not healthy.

"I'm just not in the right head space, I don't think we should." I carry on. He stares at my features intently and I visibly shiver to try to cover my body.