The first time I hugged Kev was to show him that hugs matter but I never thought that hugging him would accelerate my own heart beat to a point where I could hear it pound in my ears. It was a miracle that Kev hadn't noticed it because Kev was flustered and truth to be told, so was I.
Leaving Kev alone wasn't something I did for him but for my own self. I needed to calm down my racing heart. It was the first time ever that we hugged. Yes, friendships like that existed. Though I calmed myself pretty quick it was not the same for him. Maybe because I knew what I was about to do. Even though I had given him a heads up he didn’t seem ready for it.
Proving him that hugs mattered was never on my list… But hearing my heart pound in my rib cage while proving him something was never ever in my list!
Second time came unannounced. I didn't catch him off guard the first time so the second time was a must but what goes around comes around. I don't know whether Kevin was caught off guard but sure I was because he reciprocated the hug. He held me very lightly as if I was filled with 440 volts of current but I could feel his arm that wrapped around my torso. It was suddenly hard to breathe. If I or Kevin pulled away now, he would see the expressions on my face but I guess neither I nor he wanted to show ourselves to each other so we stayed like that until we composed ourselves.
Third time's always the charm. “When something is attempted for the third time, luck is sure to result”, and somehow I had forgotten about it. It wasn’t until Owen mentioned that I realised that I gave Kev a third hug. I wished that he would believe me that hugs are special…
The third hug was not planned. I acted on my impulse. I wanted to give him courage and hugging him was the best way to do it and so I did it. Without thinking!
And the next hug was not from my side. Instead of hugging him I was getting hugged by Kev and this time he held me in a bone crushing hug. Maybe it was the happiness of him winning the match. That time it didn’t even matter that he was bathed in sweat.
Just the thought of hugging Kev was making me smile. Suddenly the sight of Kev was exhilarating, though it always had been but maybe I saw it now. I was able to see the effect Kev had on me.
The fifth hug is the last I remember because after that I lost count of the hugs we shared. Maybe it was more than 50 or less than 100? Or were there only 10?
Kev's the one person who brings a smile on my face every time I look at him but I still blush every time Owen waves at me. I love talking to Owen, to know him more but every night when I lie on my bed I think about how many topics I and Kevin can converse over and how long we can do it. I love how Owen's smile raises my heart beat but whenever Kevin holds my hand, there are sparks throughout my arm.
Kev’s confession came before I even told Owen I liked him. How could the events in my life turn out like this? The boy I had a crush on didn’t know that I had a crush on him and the boy who's been my best friend, my everything had told me he loved me.
It would have been easy if my mind wasn't this mess, Mom. I wish you would have been here to see your daughter struggle daily as she figures out who she truly loves. I need your advice, I need you, right now and always. I always thought falling in love was easy, confessing was easy but that only happens when you have only one person in your mind and in your heart. Look at the mess your daughter has brought herself into, Mom.
Maybe I could ask Kev's mother for advice but she would still prefer her son, wouldn't she? I can ask dad, I know but you know he's dad. Only a woman can solve another girl's problem. I know you don't know either Kev nor Owen but maybe you can decide who's good for me? Who do I truly love and who I only have an infatuation for?
I think me and Kev are two young and dumb kids or maybe thats just me.
I didn’t have a habit of writing a diary but at complicated times, like the time right now, when I needed some advice, I did it. Write my thoughts on a paper wishing it would somehow reach my mom.
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I
t was the morning where we had to be back at school. How and where I spent the last day was not even a question. I stayed in my home only telling Maya about what had happened. Maya was an intellectual, an understanding person and a wonderful best friend. She didn’t force me to make a decision or to look at Kev in such a light now that he had confessed.
She understood that there was no way I could take the whole situation out of my mind but advised me to think about it a little less. Even though Kev had confessed to me I still was very calm. There was no hint of panicking or awkwardness in me. Though it could be due to the reason that I haven’t met Kev after the confession.
I wasn’t avoiding him. He went to basketball practice with his team yesterday. If I was avoiding him I would have already left for school but here I was at my house door at the time we left for school and there he was leaning against my house wall.
“Hey” He greeted, a small smile taking its place on his face. Was I the reason for that smile?
“You were waiting for me?” Dumbest question of the world. Of Course he was.
“I always had Ly, and I will always wait for you,” He was always there whenever I exited my home. It was just me who hadn’t noticed it before.
We walked together, side by side in silence. He hadn’t brought his car today. I guess I know why. He wanted to talk and so did I.
“Did you think about the consequences of confession?” I asked first. This was the first question I really wanted to ask.
“I did,”
“Yet you still confessed. What if it gets awkward between us? I'd have to be very careful around you-” I was cut short as he came and stood in front of me and I bumped into him.
He held my shoulders and softly peered into my eyes again. “Why would you need to be careful around me? You never had nor you ever have to think before speaking your mind around me. Before everything, I'm your best friend and even if best friends fall in love, they still remain the bestest of friends,”
I was being rendered speechless a lot of times now in front of Kev. How could it be suddenly possible for words to not form in my mind? Why do I have to just stare in his brown eyes? Why do I even love the brown in his eyes? That colour was almost everywhere. It was the colour of earth, wood, chocolate but it was also the colour of reliability, security, warmth and honesty.
And why did Kev have to have all those qualities?
“If it ever gets awkward just think of me as Kevin Wilder who's been your friend for years and not Kevin Wilder who confessed to you that night,” He let go of my shoulders only to hold my wrist. Kev gently pulled me to the other side as he shifted to walk to my left. On my left, was the road, and vehicles continuously passed by us. Today was the first day I had noticed it. He always switched places with me whenever we walked on the road.
I had always walked on the safe side while he was on the road side. Kev didn’t just help me tie my laces or prevented my falls. He did more than that. He did a lot of things for me and why was it today that I had started to notice things Kev did for me?
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