You Love Me And I Love You More

We're Not Broken Just Bent And We Can Learn to Love Again

* A/N* I decided to change this chapter title to the previous one because I feel it fits this one better. Enjoy :)

I looked over at my phone and a sudden urge to call him sparked inside of me. I missed his laugh, his dorky jokes, his kisses, his warmth ...

I missed everything about him.

I was about to dial his number, but I chickened out last second and dialed Sasha's number.

"Hello?" her voice cracked over the line.

"Hey. I have some big news to break to you."

"You're pregnant again?" She immediately responded.

"Hell no!" A smile beamed off of me as I chuckled. "Um ... I think it's time to see Marshall again." I softly spoke.

"Really!?" Sasha nearly squealed. "So what the hell are you doing calling me for?"

"I honestly have no idea why. I was going to call him, but then I chickened out and called you." I let a deep sigh out. "I just miss him so much. A few days ago I practically hated his guts ... now I just want to be back in his arms. What is wrong with me?" I confessed to her. I tapped my fingers along the edge of the table waiting for her response.

"Nothing is wrong with you. I think you're just getting out of your anger stage and ready to move onto acceptance and communication .. or something like that. Do you think you are?"

"I guess I am. I really want to talk to him and see him."

"What the hell is stopping you then!?" Sasha impatiently asked me.

"I have a uh, another thing to tell you, that I did about a week ago." I began to mumble.

"What'd you do?"

"I uh, I slept with Zach from high school. It was a one night stand - nothing serious, but I just feel so fucking guilty and ashamed. Like here I am giving Marshall the cold shoulder and then I go sleep with Zach. How can I be such an asshole? That's one of the reasons why I'm hesitant to talk to Marshall. " I spilled it all to her.

"Well, since you already feel guilty that you slept with Zach and are conscience of your bad doing and since it was nothing serious, I say don't tell Marshall."

"What? Are you sure? Wouldn't that just put us through more shit?" Sasha's answer completely threw me off because I always believed that relationships depend on honesty.

"Don't you think telling him that you slept with another guy while you guys were still dating might throw yourself into deeper shit? You know him better than I do, but all I'm saying is that I think you confessing for something he has no idea about might be the final straw."

"I only slept with Zach because I was missing Marshall and my damn hormones were acting up at the wrong time." I sighed once again, worrying about what I should do.

"Do you really think he will be more lenient to you because you told him that it was in the moment? C'mon, think realistically!" Sasha scoffed. She did have a good point, though.

"What he did was in the moment too, so I just assumed it would be right for me to tell him. "

"But your two things were completely different. You caught him, and what you did was kinda behind his back -"

"What if I didn't catch Marshall though? You think he would've swept it under the rug or would've told me?" My heart began to race after this thought was brought up.

"Who knows, man. No one can really answer that because its a 'what if' question and that could have a million different answers. I'm just saying, two wrongs don't make a right - especially if the first wrong caused you two to go downhill."

"Alright, thanks for the advice. I'll give it more thought before I call him." My voice trailed off, ready to hang up.

"Alright, glad I could help. Remember Adore, just do whatever you think is the best. AND DO NOT BE A PUSSY AND CHICKEN OUT OF THE CALL!" She let out a faint chuckle as I told her one final bye before officially hanging up.

Before calling him, I took Sasha's advice and thought about it more. I've always believed relationships depend on honesty no matter what ... but I was slowly being lured into Sasha's advice to not tell him. I was mentally dying and hurting to see him again and be around him and for him to just be there with me that I didn't want to risk it all.

I didn't want to risk our future relationship, so I was willing to not reveal a huge secret to him and take it to my grave.

I looked down at my phone, staring straight into Marshall's contact name. It was time to stop being a pussy. I quickly hit the call button.

"Adore?" His voice emerged out of the phone's tiny speakers. An uncontrollable smile beamed off of me as soon as I heard his voice. I bit down on my lip as it began to quiver.

"Hey Marshall." There was a brief and silent pause. Like neither of us wanted to speak, scared to hear the other's reaction. It was like the both of us were unsure of the "right" thing to say. The silence grew longer and I finally got tired of it.

"I miss you, Marshall! I miss it all. I just want you here with me ... and with Alex. Alex misses you. It might have seemed like I hated you or whatever because of how I've been treating you lately, but I don't! I just needed some time to think about this whole fucking mess we're stuck in ... but we can get out of it, Marshall. Our relationship isn't over -" Unknowingly, streams of tears were flooding out of my eyes. I didn't notice until I had to stop talking and take a huge inhale of air because I was rambling too much. As I wiped away the tears, I took a few more gasps of air in an attempt to control my emotions.

" I missed you and Alex more than you could ever imagine." His voice cracked over the line. "I thought what we have was over because of the stupid shit I caused." He took another brief pause and I heard a faint sniffle and then he cleared his throat. "I'll come by your mom's first thing tomorrow in the afternoon." He said.

"Sounds great." I felt a big smile begin to immediately unfold. "I love you." Without warning, I said out loud.

"I love you more, baby." He spoke in such a soft tone that my smile grew even bigger out of pure happiness and excitement.