A Guy Walks Into A Bar...

Life Lessons

My father took me to a wide open room in the building to start giving me combat training. I expected him to have some sort of trainer for me. Because mom had three trainers with her right now. But as he took off his jacket and started to unbutton his shirt, I figured out, he was going to be my trainer.

"Wait a minute," I say and hold up my hand, "you're going to train me? I mean, why you?" I felt I would be better served by having a teacher or instructor. I felt I would learn better from an uninvolved third party, you know.

My father shucks his shirt from his shoulders, "I realize it sounds a bit odd. I did consider having Ace do this whole thing. However, then I decided it could be a little quality time between father and son," he nervously smiles as he lays his shirt aside.

Was he fucking serious right now? I nod and say, "Ok," because I didn't know what else to say.

My father crosses over and stands before me. His commanding green eyes give my face a once over. "Son, when it comes to fighting, there's only one thing that you really need to remember," he tells me and holds up his left index finger.

I say, as I stare at his finger, "And wh-..." Before I can get out the rest, I'm punched right in the face.

"There's no such thing as a fair fight," my father just stares at me. "You fell for the misdirection I presented by holding up a single finger," my father explains to me. "When your eyes focus on one object, you tend to not use your pheriphial vision as much. Meaning you become subject to a surprise attack. Focus. But don't get tunnel vision doing it."

My hand touches my face where he punched me. You'd think I'd be thinking about being hit by my father. Again. But that's not what I was thinking at all. All I could think was that I must have looked like such a pussy. So I lower my hand and nod, "No such thing as a fair fight. Got it," I say and lunge at him. But he dodges me completely.

"That's a good concept Junior and I applaud your effort. The element of surprise and unpredictability, is always a good card to have hidden in your sleeve. But as you can clearly see, someone else could always be more unpredictable." He takes another fighting stance before me, "Now, try again."

"What? You want me to hit you?" I shrug. But then I feel his fist again. Fuck was he even trying to hold back at all with those punches? Or am I just a bigger pussy than I originally thought?

"Well if you don't try to hit me, I'll obviously hit you. You can't hesitate son. Hesitation is the one thing that can stand between you and death. Do you understand?" He asks.

I nod and take a swing for him. But the fast son of a bitch dodges me. I feel his hand grab my neck. I can feel his leg sweep across my ankles and knock me off my feet. Then, there I am with my cheek to the floor. I feel pretty fucking dumb.

"Anger is a tool, my boy. It's fuel to a fire. Find it. Harness it. Use it," I hear him saying with a knee in my back.

"But I'm not mad at you," I say.

"Bullshit," I can hear him say flatly, "Your father is a psychopath who looks like a clown and terrorizes this entire city."

"Yeah, but..." But he quickly interrupts me.

"He chased your mother away. Abandoned her, pregnant with you. Now surely that makes you a little sore," he chides.

"N-no..." I try to resist whatever it was he was trying to do. I knew it was some kind of trick, I just wasn't completely catching on yet.

But then his voice only grows louder. "You had to grow up without a father! Nobody there to help you be a man! How can you not be angry?!" He shouts and pushes my head further into the floor.