Tilted Axis

Chapter:28

(Slight content warning)

Air bursts from my mouth in a rush after his fist rams into my stomach again. It sound like a bursting balloon. The empty void in my chest screaming for air. I can feel my chest spasm as it tries to suck in fresh oxygen. In my dazed and panicking mind, I don't see the next strike come. A hard blow to the left side of my jaw sending stars into my vision.

"I bet you think I'm some weak person you can manipulate, don't you?" He asks. His face inches from my ear as he walks around me. "I AM NO FOOL!" His shout sends my ear ringing. He sends a quick blow to my sternum that breaks my paralysis. Air rushes into my lungs in a deep gasp that feels like daggers in my throat.

I try to raise my head to look at him but instead find another blow to my right cheek. Greyness is starting to creep into my vision. "I'm not SS. I'm not a Nazi. I'm not even German, you English piece of shit. I am an Austrian mercenary."

He grabs my face in one hand, my lips puckering as his grip tightens. Forcing me to look at him directly. His face is close enough to feel the heat of his breath. My left eye half closed, swelling from a previous blow. Probably a right nasty shiner. "Weakness doesn't exist where I come from. Weakness of any kind is a death sentence." He whispers harshly.

"A death sentence you say?" I cough, still attempting to catch my breath. The metallic taste of blood on my lips. "Then what's a war, mate? There's no winner in war. Just thousands of dead men." I spit a ball of blood on his face and he releases his hold, letting out a disgusted grunt.

He wipes the blood and saliva mixture from his face and flicks it to the floor. "You seem pretty ready to join those thousands of dead men."

"Am I ready? Of course not. But I'd rather die serving my country, than serving a mad man. Die without having the blood of innocents on my hands!" I shout. My jaw hurts with a sharp pain with each movement. "You stand here talking of weakness. It's all over your face, Zoldyck! YOU ARE A BOY PLAYING IN A MANS WORLD!" I roar at him. "ONLY A WEAK MAN KILLS THOSE WHO CAN'T FIGHT!"

I soon find a fist to the side of my head. My neck audibly pops as my head shoots the side. The pain is excruciating, but I force myself to turn my head back. "A coward kills innocent people! You must see yourself as one without sin! Let me tell you mate, there's not a single soul without them. But your soul has been tainted black with blood. I doubt the devil himself would take you!" I quickly fall into a coughing fit. My lungs are on fire and needing rest.

The white haired male stands in silence. His breathing heavy, nose flared. His fists by his side with my blood dripping from the knuckles. It's like watching a raging bull and being unable to get out of the way. "I am not weak. I am not a coward! I DO AS ORDERED!" He shouts. But it's not directed at me. It's almost as if he's trying to convince himself.

"You do as ordered? Then you might as well just be a brown tongue with all the orders you follow! Killing kids? What other atrocities have you done?" My head spins from the shouting or from the blows I've taken. The entire room swirling around me as I struggle to keep my head straight. The urge to vomit sits there with nothing to let out.

"You want to know? You're right. I've killed kids. I've killed mothers and fathers. Brothers and sisters. We razed their homes to the ground with fire! Then..then my own men. I've killed my own men because they didn't listen to a direct order."As he speaks, his tone becomes quieter. The loud commanding tone vanishing.

"And I won't forget any of them. The faces of the innocent. The names of soldiers I trained. The looks on their faces as a bullet slammed through their brain. Their blood spraying on my boots." His expression has softened as if the weight of everything he's done is crushing him.

I watch as he slowly collapses to his knees. A sob escapes him as his breath catches. Placing his hands to his eyes. "I didn't want this. Nobody said I'd be killing kids. FUCKING CHILDREN!" He shouts pounding a fist to the floorboards. His breathing is fast and heavy.

I watch in silence as the composed soldier crumbles. Whatever layer of composure he wore was falling away before my very eyes. "Then why did you do it?" I ask eventually. The sight had taken the fight out of me. My own pain falling away from my mind. The look of the man who was just beating me has me dumbfounded.

"Everything you heard about the SS, all the rumors are true. Even worse things have been done. All under orders of Hitler."

"This isn't about the orders of the jackass in Germany. Why did you obey the orders?"

He turns his face to me slowly. Tears running down his face. His eyes red and bloodshot. "I had no other choice. The rest of my family would have been in danger had I not."

"What are you on about?"

"I don't fear my own death. At this point I would gladly accept it. They have ways of making those who don't fear death obey. They threaten loved ones. The ones you care about. I would kill for my family, just as I would die for them. I wasn't going to let my morals be the reason they are killed."

"More honor in that, than to be a man who kills just to save his own skin." I say staring at him through my one good eye.

An uncertain silence falls over us. The wood creaks slightly as he starts to move from the floor and pulls himself into the chair opposite of myself. "The man I was two years ago would have been excited to finally see live combat." He says in a low tone. His hanging in what seemed like defeat. All of his rage has vanished.

"18 years old. Training all my life for war. But no war to use these skills. So when I was told I would be training SS and serving in a division, I was excited. Then the war began. The invasion of Poland was....it wasn't a war. It was a slaughter." He grits his teeth.

"I thought putting my skills to use would be good." He pauses, lifting his head and locking his eyes with mine. Eyes that were both fierce and upset. "There is no skill in putting a bullet in the head of a civilian. Listening as they begged for their life. Forcing myself to remain calm and composed as I pulled the trigger each time." His voice remains quiet. Hardly above a whisper.

He lets out a shaky sigh before continuing. "It's a horrible feeling. The soldiers next to me were excited and laughing as we killed them. Some doing unspeakable things. They raped and molested women and girls. Young girls no older than 16." He stops and squeezes his eyes shut. Turning his head away. "They screamed and fought back. And there was nothing I could do. After those bastards had their way, a bullet was the next thing those girls found. For some it didn't end there."

"Then the smell of the bodies as we burned them. Have you ever heard a man scream as his body was engulfed in flaming gasoline? It's those screams that haunt me every single night. As he would scream until he could no longer. Until his vocal cords ripped in his throat."

"I stood by silently. A cold gaze with my arms behind me, as the Flammenwerfer roared like a dragon. Spitting fire over their bodies. Their flesh crackling and popping. Their eyeballs melting from their sockets. I still feel that was the only mercy granted to those people. Bodies burned to piles of ash before they could be picked apart by the scavengers. Wild dogs, vultures or rats."

I can feel my stomach turn as he continues to describe the things he's seen. Things he's done. I try to prevent myself from dry heaving. After a moment I stopped him. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I'm not sure. There is only one other here who shares my sentiments. He prefers not to discuss the things we have done. I've done things. Things I'm not proud of. So when you say I'm damned for hell, you are right. Least with my victims I tried to make it quick and painless." He turns his head back to me. Eyes to the floor. Their bright color is gone, leaving them dull and empty. "I on the other hand deserve far far worse."

"Well....what now Killua? You have poured your sins out before me. Your composure has been shattered." I ask. Uncertain of what comes next.

He sighs. "I don't know. I don't want to kill more innocent people. This I do know. I'm tired of this....chaos."

(WC:1574. Finally the day has arrived for this chapter to be posted. I need figure out something more efficient than one post a week. Even with work keeping me busy I can do better. I'll figure something out I promise. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I enjoyed writing this one.